coffee and jrock

A little note...

Sun, 25 Nov 2007 20:01:42 GMT

GENERAL DISCLAIMER

Everything you read here is fiction. The names you recognise belong to themselves, the names you don't belong to me.

Most of these stories have adult content, graphic sexual scenes and frequent bad language.

They will involve yaoi (male x male) sex. They may involve straight sex.

Comments or criticism are greatly welcomed.

And finally, thank you for taking the time to read my stories!

emma

ｱﾘｶﾞﾀﾋﾞｰﾑ!!(ﾉ･_･)‥‥…━━━━━☆ﾋﾟｰｰ

2 Days

Sun, 25 Nov 2007 19:53:20 GMT

It had to be Luna Sea, didn’t it? Of all the songs his CD changer could have chosen, it was this one. He’d loved it from the moment he’d heard it, maybe it was something to do with the infectious bass line which insisted on the song being played at full volume, or maybe it was just because of the lyrics.

kimi ga hoshii..

Reita hummed the tune softly, tilting his head a little to one side to look out of his car window and up at Ruki’s building. It was raining again, had been for the best part of two weeks but that could easily be blamed on the time of year and anyway, the rain wasn’t all that bad. He counted up the seven floors of identical balconies breaking the plain pale grey cement walls at perfectly regular intervals until his eyes came to rest on that of Ruki’s apartment. It had only been five days previously that he’d seen the singer cling onto the railing and heard his own name spill wonderfully from those lips at the climax of their passion.

He opened the car window a little, tapping his fingers quickly against the top of the steering wheel and deciding that now probably wasn’t the best time in his life to think about quitting smoking. A cigarette would be the ideal remedy to his anxious mood and he opened the glove box in the vein hope that there may be a forgotten packet with just one still inside; but no, all that was there was the small dark green bag containing the reason for his nerves.

It’s only a ring he repeated, the words now a near mantra engrained on his mind and he reached for the bag. Darkest green, thick plastic with nothing more than a silver kanji and one word near embossed on the top corner.

「夢」 Silverdream

“Just a ring, sure. You keep telling yourself that Suzuki and maybe you’ll believe it at some point” he huffed to himself, taking the small package out and tucking it in the inside pocket of his jacket.

A movement to the right caught the corner of his eye and he turned to see Ruki ambling down the few steps of his building and over to the waiting car. He was still wearing the white gauze mask he’d had for the last two days, along with dark glasses and collar length blonde hair. There was a bag slung over his shoulder and he went to open the boot, only remembering at the last moment that the lock was jammed, awaiting it’s appointment in the garage in six days to be freed. He opened the door behind Reita instead and threw his bag onto the back seat.

“Morning” he stated, nodding to the driver and shutting the door with a bang to walk around to the passenger side. He ran his hand over the smooth and finely polished lines of Reita’s car, the dark shirt sleeves which hung down to his knuckles sliding easily against the metal, opened the door and got inside. “I’m tired, wake me up when we get there.” He leant back against the headrest and breathed in deeply, sucking the double thickness of gauze against his lips showing their outline near perfectly.

“I thought you sounded a little better, still feeling rough?” Reita turned the volume down, softening the music which thankfully had moved on to something less dangerous. Something with no mention of love, togetherness or caring of any sort. He gripped the steering wheel with both hands, determined to not be the one to make the first move towards affection that day. He wouldn’t touch his knee, wouldn’t brush aside that little strand of blonde which was caught on the arm of his glasses and most certainly would not say anything nice.

Ruki sighed again, this time unhooking the elastic from behind his ears and taking the mask away from his face.

“I suppose I am feeling better, but it’s easier to not smoke with this on and well..” he shrugged, looking the other way “I know you’ve quit and well… yeah…” he turned back, dropping the shades to the end of his nose, looking over the top of them with a smile beginning to sparkle in his dark brown eyes. “Can you just drive please? It’s getting warm in here.” He pushed the glasses back up and busied himself by folding the mask in half.

All Reita could do was grin back at him. “You’re blushing, why? You care about me, don’t you? Come on, say it… you do.” He started the car, revving the engine to a steady purr and not taking his eyes off the man next to him. “Say it Taka, say you love me…” he knew this was blatant provocation and would quite possibly earn him a bruised leg if he wasn’t careful but it was so much fun to see the usually pale Ruki colour up so wonderfully.

“Never..” Ruki pulled the seatbelt across himself and clipped it home, reaching for Reita’s left hand and prising the fingers from around the wheel. “First gear please!”

“Say it… or we’re not going anywhere.”

Ruki pulled his shades off, blinking at the mid morning light before looking up at Reita through the long blonde hair which skimmed his lashes. Lips set to nothing more than a disagreeable pout he squeezed Reita’s fingers a little harder before placing them over the gear stick.

“Loveyou” he mumbled, slurring it all into one word and folding his arms tightly over his chest.

However, it was more than enough for Reita and he reached over to finally squeeze the possibly sulking blonde’s knee.

“Me too” he nodded, squeezing and then briefly rubbing Ruki’s thigh. “Me too, Taka. Ok, let’s go!”

“Chu-zen-ji, I like that name. It sounds peaceful.” Ruki poured over the thin guide book, flicking through from one page to the next, deciding it seemed on enough restaurants, hot springs and different yet beautiful panoramic views to enjoy to fill a whole month, let alone their short weekend away. With Stacked Rubbish literally gnawing at the boxes waiting to be placed on store shelves, they both knew that these two days of personal time would probably be their last until after the first leg of the tour.

“Mmm..” Reita glanced over, taking his eyes off the road for a moment to have another delicious looking set menu pointed out to him. It was the sudden bump and then painful hissing noise which dragged his attention back to the road as the car continued to slowly veer over to the left. “SHIT!” He slammed on the breaks, bringing them to a skidding halt halfway across the muddy verge.

“What the hell was that?” Ruki stared wide-eyed across at Reita, “Did we hit something? What if it was a someone, and they’re dead…” he unbuckled his seatbelt, mirroring Reita’s actions and quickly getting out of the car into the steady yet fine drizzle of rain which was misting down through the treetops.

Reita tried to ignore his constant talking, looking back at the short skid mark to see exactly what he had hit. A rogue rock clearly outlined by the yellow line - he would have seen it surely if he had been paying attention to the road, and not to thoughts of Ruki and candle light and the piece of jewellery heavy in his pocket.

“Or worse, they’re not dead but fucked up and zombiefied and come looking for us to exact their terrible and bloody revenge..”

“Matsumoto, can you just shut up for once, please?” he snapped, checking around his precious new car for damage.

“Fine. Shut up Ruki. I get it.” The singer glared over the car at the top of Reita’s head and defiantly pulled his cigarettes out of his shirt pocket, stuffing one between his lips and lighting it. He wandered around to the back of the car, leaning against the wing and staring back down the blissfully quiet tree-lined road.

Reita’s anguished cry did however make him look around to see the taller blonde crouching down at the front nearside wheel.

“It’s punctured! My car! My baby!”

Ruki bit the cigarette tightly between his teeth, crouching down next to Reita and surveying the flat tyre in sympathy with him. “You’re right. That is a flat tyre. Do you know how to change it?”

“Yes,” he snapped, catching the scent of cigarette smoke from Ruki’s mouth. “Of course I know how to change it.”

“Good. Let’s get to it then. Where’s the spare?”

Reita looked over at him, the answer clearly expressed on his usually expressionless face.

“It’s.. it’s in the boot…”

Ruki stared at the pale upholstery above him, looking up briefly as another car approached, hoping it was the recovery truck arriving to rescue them. They had only pushed the car fifty meters at the most, but it was uphill and most of Reita’s attention had been on steering them towards the parking place where they now sat. The singer felt absolutely fucked, and not in a good way either. He lay on the backseat in silence, watching Reita flicking cigarette ash out of the drivers’ side window.

“Great. Just perfect,” he complained for possibly the hundredth time that hour. “We get two days away and I spend it staring at the roof of your car. Well done, Suzuki, well done.”

“I thought you liked looking at car interiors? It’s never bothered you when we’ve been in your car before.” The bassist inhaled the forbidden smoke lovingly, not liking Ruki’s choice of cigarettes as much as his own abandoned brand, yet making do in this time of crisis. He didn‘t wait for Ruki’s sarcastic reply which was more than certain to materialise, instead noting a worthy occurrence instead. “It’s stopped raining.”

“Where are you going? Aki?” Ruki pushed himself up from his reclined position, and sat up to see Reita walking around to the front of the car and rest his denim clad backside against the bonnet. Pulling his shirtsleeves over his hands, Ruki scrambled out of the car and followed. He stood for a moment, just watching Reita staring through the trees across the green valley. The rain had indeed stopped, making way for a striking sky, the sun low under the clouds and staining them pink and pale ochre, vast swathes of colours floating in the shadowy blue sky.

“Akira?” he asked hesitantly, tucking his hands under his armpits and inspecting his toes for a second before looking up at his friend. “The recovery truck won’t be much longer will it?”

The older one smiled a little and nodded in agreement. “No, I’m sure it won’t be” he said softly. “But there’s no hurry, is there? I mean..” he placed his hands on the polished red metal, letting a little more of his weight be borne by the car. “It gives us chance to talk, doesn’t it?”

Reita leant back a little further, his elbows now resting against the bonnet as he stared up at the clearing sky. “Are you looking forwards to the tour?”

If he’d have been looking, he’d have seen the singer shrug and uncross his arms, stuffing both hands deep in his jeans pockets. “I am, but I have mixed feelings about it I think.” Ruki nodded slowly, making agreeing ‘hmm-ing’ noises to himself as if there was some internal conflict going on in his mind. “You know how anxious I get Aki, I worry about everything and anything. You always seem so relaxed..” he took a step towards Reita, kicking his foot amicably to gain some attention. “I should follow your example.”

The bassist tensed his abdominal muscles, lifting his upper body a little and holding a hand out towards Ruki. “I do worry, I just don’t show it as much as you.” He smiled when Ruki linked their fingers, sitting properly upright once more and pulling the singer towards him. “You should maybe stop thinking so much..”

Stifling the smallest of laughs, Ruki tilted his head down a touch, bringing their foreheads together. He wrapped both arms carefully around Reita’s shoulders and brought his body closer to hug the other’s blonde head against his chest. “Well we’re both blonde now so maybe we should give up on thinking completely” he muttered, shrugging his shoulders as if in defeat before sitting down on the car’s bonnet next to the shocked bassist. Ruki shifted backwards a little, scooting towards the window screen and eventually reclining back right onto the glass. “It’s easy when you know how.. Going to join me?” he grinned, the cheeky smirk convincing Reita to not get angry with him. Hell, how could he?!

“I hope for your sake Matsumoto that this car is well made,” was his grumbled reply, wincing painfully as the bonnet groaned and complained as he too lay back carefully against the window. “This isn’t a good idea…”

“My ideas are always good…” Ruki rolled his head to the left, smirking again at Reita’s worried expression. “I would‘ve thought you‘d figured that out by now.” He reached down, finding the bassist’s hand and clasping his fingers once more. “I haven’t let you down yet, have I?”

Reita didn’t know quite how to take that comment. It was loaded with more ammunition than it seemed at first glance. Ruki was right, he hadn’t let Reita down. Because all along it was no one other than himself who had lied about his feelings, him who had stood back and let Kai drive Ruki away and him who had found comfort in their ex-manager’s bed. So no, Ruki hadn’t let anyone down, Ruki had just been Ruki. Reita felt the smaller fingers gripping his own and squeezed back protectively; all past misdemeanours aside, there were still fierce feelings there and they’d fought on together, making it work.

There was no other answer to give though and Reita took a long silence to collect his thoughts. Staring at the darkening sky, the clouds slowly clearing to let the stars prickle though the growing haze of dark blue. It was Ruki though who broke the silence, staring at the sky quizzically, a small and somewhat childlike pout on his lips.

“You’ve not kissed me yet today. Why not?”

A sigh and the shaking off of his hand was enough to worry Ruki. He looked over at Reita, the nervous knot which he always carried with him slowly beginning to turn in his gut. The voice inside which insisted that it surely must be easier for Reita to be with him than not, that Ruki was fighting a losing battle for someone who was merely fucking their best friend and that his feelings simply were not reciprocated.

“Akira?”

“I’m sorry Taka, for everything ok?” he sat up, ignoring the metal threatening to buckle under him.

“No, you don’t have to…” Ruki began, his fretful expression not as relieved as perhaps it should have been. He trailed off, words falling on unhearing ears as Reita only shook his head slowly, staring intently at the immaculate red paintwork between his raised knees.

“I’ve never thanked you for giving me all those second chances, you kept your heart open for me even though I wouldn’t have blamed you if you’d never spoken to me ever again after…”

Ruki didn’t need to ask the question because Reita answered it the moment he walked through the door. He stank of perfume, the scent alone threatening nausea in Ruki’s belly. Reita stood in silence in front of the closed door before turning the light on. He didn’t seem shocked to see Ruki there at all.

“You slept with her, didn’t you?”

Reita hung his head low, very low. He wasn’t worthy of looking into those eyes that had shown him such complete and utter love but now were brimming with hatred. His words crashed to the floor, shattering their bubble of happiness in one syllable.

“Yes.”

Ruki swallowed, the memory of that night still painfully clear if he really let himself think about it. “It’s in the past Aki, it’s just a bad memory which can’t hurt us any more” he said sullenly, sitting up a little himself.

“I just want you to know…”

You can do this

Suddenly, every live performance he’d ever done paled into insignificance behind the extreme terror that had suddenly leapt upon him. He gripped the small leather box in his pocket imagining it might burn right through the cotton and sear his hand with it’s embossed kanji. He could near taste his heart beating somewhere in his throat, a nervous prickle of perspiration beginning to gather on his palms.

Somehow he managed to pull the dark green bag from his pocket and practically threw it at Ruki, his eyes a complete apology as he mumbled the rest of his unprepared speech.

“I really love you,” he spluttered, watching Ruki uncurl the bag and smooth out the silver wording. “And that’s not much but I thought maybe you’d like it and maybe wear it sometimes and think of me…”

Ruki said nothing, knowing that if he so much as tried to make words they’d choke up with emotion and he’d probably do something very silly like cry… Silverdream he vaguely knew the brand and ran his fingers over the embossed letters slowly, wondering just what Reita had bought for him. The leather box was stiff to open and threatened to snap shut right at the last moment but open it he did. He couldn’t say anything, just stared slightly open mouthed at the piece of polished silver nestled against the dark velvet.

“You… come here” he whispered, closing the box tightly in his fist and gripping it hard enough to hurt. Reita frowned, not wanting to look at the other’s face for it was obvious that he hated it.

Ruki blinked back the slight dampness which threatened the corners of his eyes, his bottom lip just beginning to shudder. He stopped it by pressing his mouth tenderly against that of his friend. That bottom lip moulding perfectly against Reita’s, feeling the tip of the bassist’s tongue glide between them and letting himself have the briefest of tastes before breaking away and taking a very deep breath.

“Thank you. I’ll wear it often.” He smiled against Reita’s face, nuzzling his nose against that of the blonde bassist, one hand still clutching the closed box, the other curling fingers in Reita’s hair.

Reita too couldn’t help but smile, more relieved than anything that Ruki had accepted the present and seemed to like it. “But aren’t you going to wear it now?” He unwound Ruki’s fingers from the box, opening it himself and taking the ring out. It caught every last droplet of waning light, the silver and the onyx near shimmering in the growing moonlight.

There was nothing Ruki could do to stop his fingers from shaking as he held the one hand out, palm down towards Reita; he had to bite his bottom lip too to hold back the thrill of the moment, taking a silent breath in once the ring was slid home on his forth finger. He grasped Reita’s hand tightly with both of his, squeezing one single tiny tear from under his lashes and sniffing heavily.

The bassist brushed his knuckles gently against the tiny damp trail, stopping that precious tear dead in it’s tracks half way down the singer’s cheek.

“You’re meant to be happy.”

“I am happy.”

Ruki sniffed again, harder this time, looking down at the box still gripped tightly by one hand and blinking furiously to try and dissuade the tears which were still ready to fall. He rubbed his fingers over the dark leather, loving the feel of it’s hard curved corners, the indent of the inscribed kanji.

“Just when I think I know how I feel about you,” the beginnings of a smile touched at his lips and he leaned a little heavier into the open palm still caressing his cheek. “You open another door and make me realise there’s so much more, so many more things to discover.” He turned slightly, pressing his lips into Reita’s palm, mumbling into his skin. “I’ll never need anyone else so long as I’ve got you.”

Left hand still holding the little box fiercely, he hooked both arms around Reita’s neck and claimed his lips for the beginnings of a simple kiss. They’d learnt so well how to kiss each other now, there was never any hesitancy in their movements; Ruki knew the bassist would just surrender his velvet soft lips to him. They both knew so well the first touches from tips of tongues that found each other, Ruki never too dominant at first but always yielding to the uncompromising yell from within which reminded him of just how much lust there was bubbling way down inside him. The craving he had for Reita; he was Ruki’s obsession, one which he never wanted to be free from.

The car groaned it’s complaints, metal creaking under their weight as he pulled Reita sideways back down to the bonnet, their near innocent kiss becoming overtaken by the need within Ruki to touch and be touched. He dropped the jewellery box, forgotten as his yearning became more and more apparent, hands creeping towards the hem of Reita’s shirt, fingers snaking underneath the two layers of thin cotton to spread over warm skin. He slid his hand down then, easily finding a path under the waistband of Reita’s loose jeans and under his shorts; shifting slightly, just enough, he moved his hand between their bodies, twisting near painfully at the wrist but knowing it was more than worth it when he finally danced his fingers over the bassist’s semi aroused cock.

Reita groaned into their continued kiss, making himself as comfortable as he could hope to be, propped up on the unforgiving bonnet of his beloved shiny red car. Bending his top leg at right angles, he was just ready to begin unbuttoning his jeans and letting Ruki do whatever he chose to do with those wicked hands of his. A splash of light, distant and low from further down the hillside caught his attention.

“Taka… someone’s coming…” he near coughed, the words catching in his throat just as Ruki squeezed him a little harder with a good, firm stroke.

“Yeah, you will be soon” he murmured, gazing up mischievously at the outline of Reita’s head, a darker shadow against the star speckled sky.

“No… I mean it. Car!”

He scrambled off the bonnet, wrenching Ruki’s hand from his shorts and hastily stuffing his own hands in both pockets in an unsuccessful attempt to hide the proud bulge which Ruki had, as always, provoked.

It wasn’t just a car though, but the long awaited for recovery truck and Ruki sat a little more upright, raising his hand to shield his eyes as he looked over his shoulder at the approaching headlights. The driver stepped quickly from the cab, bowing to them both and not seeming to care that Ruki was still half sprawled over the front of the vehicle.

Leaving Reita to deal with the car, he slid himself off the bonnet and bent down to pick up both the bag and the box his ring had been in. Just looking at the packaging caused a sudden twist inside that sent a flutter of butterflies dancing around his stomach and set yet another permanent grin on his face. He lit a cigarette, watching Reita talking with the recovery truck driver and inhaled thoughtfully, two fingers rubbing together and feeling the new ring itself heavy between them.

Hugging one arm around his chest, he took another couple of drags from his cigarette before carefully squashing it with his boot heel. In perfect synchronisation, Ruki looked at Reita just as the older man raised his eyes to watch Ruki for a second. A quick shared smile in the bright glare of the recovery truck headlights was all it took to make Ruki’s heart leap yet again.

He loves me..

He’s on the phone now

Ruki pressed send and watched the message disappear from his phone. The cool breeze from across the lake ruffled his blonde hair through the open window and he hugged his knees to his chest, unlocking his phone to read Uruha’s reply.

Will it be fixed before Monday?

He nodded as he typed, Just a new tyre I think. But you’d think the whole wheel had fallen off from the fuss he’s making.

Ruki looked up as he pressed send again, watching the grey yukata clad bassist pacing white socked in a figure of eight around the room. The recovery truck had retraced their path back down the twisting turns they’d previously driven along and into Nikko, depositing both men and car outside a rather closed looking garage. Hence the continued phone calls. Reita, it seemed, hadn’t wanted to get into the taxi and leave his car unattended in the parking bay and it had taken all of Ruki’s persuasion and a healthy dose of him sulking before they had finally set out back towards the spa resort they were originally destined for.

He loves that car, doesn‘t he.

“Yes ’Shima, he does” he said out loud to the phone, noticing that Reita was finally finishing his call. He made himself a little more comfortable, crossing his legs and arranging his own yukata to cover both them and his shorts as much as possible.

“So?” he ran his fingers over the tatami mat, dragging his nails gently over each row of woven fibres, up and down, time and time again. “What did they say?”

Reita took the seat opposite, crossing his hands to refuse the cigarette which Ruki offered him. “It’ll be covered on their insurance and there’s security cameras and that I shouldn’t worry. They said it would be fixed first thing in the morning and I can go get it then.”

“That’s ok then, don’t let it worry you anymore.” Carefully, Ruki arranged both cigarette packet and lighter at perfect parallels to the table’s edge, taking his time to get the spacing completely equal and the right angles just so. Without looking up, he voiced his thoughts quietly. “Shall we go for a soak? Might as well make the most of this place, right?”

The hotel corridors were relatively quiet and they had made it to the washroom unnoticed passing only the bowed head of one of the hotel staff. Secretly, Ruki was more than happy that the changing room and, after a quick glance, the small steaming pool beyond were both mercifully empty. The majority of the clientele tucked away in the plentiful restaurants and informal bars dotted all over the site. Reita had no qualms about taking his clothes off it seemed and quickly stripped down to his shorts, folding yukata and socks neatly and tucking them away in their own private basket with his slippers nestling underneath.

He stretched both arms upwards, grasping one wrist and leaning over to the side a little before looping both thumbs in the waistband of his shorts and pulling them down and off without a second thought.

“Ru? You ok?” Reita reached over and took down two white washcloths for them both, waiting for Ruki to actually get undressed. He could tell just from Ruki’s hunched posture that he wasn’t enjoying the prospect of a public display of nudity one little bit. With his back to Reita and the room, he slowly and awkwardly slid the scratchy grey yukata from one shoulder at a time, tugging his arms free and then taking an infinity to fold it over on itself as if it were laundry fresh.

“Yeah, I’m ok” Ruki lied, sitting on the bench to take his socks off equally slowly, rolling them inside each other before hesitantly toying with the waistband of his clingy jersey shorts.

“Right, I’m going to get washed. I can’t wait around here all night for you to decide if you’re taking them off or not!” He tossed Ruki’s washcloth at him with a smile, squeezing the singer’s shoulder as he went past him into the washroom.

In truth, Reita was glad to be away. There was only so much he could allow himself to see before a familiar tingle would begin to spread warmth between his legs and take him along the path to full arousal. What has he done to me? he thought, smiling to himself as he doused his back and shoulders with hot water, glancing up when the singer finally joined him on the other side of the long raised tank of steaming water between them.

“You decided to take those shorts off then?” Reita asked airily, lathering a good handful of soap between his palms and smoothing it over his chest and stomach before vigorously scrubbing himself with the washcloth.

Ruki glared at him, only just able to see over the top of the tank from the little stool where he too began washing off. He reached up to dip his fingers in the hot water and flicked a generous handful in Reita’s direction before scooping up a bowlful to tip over his head.

“Yes thank you.” He said curtly, scraping the darkened blonde hair back from his forehead before leaning over to fill the shallow bowl once again; this time the water splashed from his chest to his thighs and was followed by a generous handful of soap. “Just because I’m a little more picky about who I bare all to, it’s no reason for you to make fun of me Suzuki.”

Still smiling to himself, Reita sloshed another bowlful of water over himself to rinse away the soap. He stood and leant on the raised stone tank between them, looking over at the sitting Ruki diligently covering himself in the pale bubbly foam.

“I wasn’t making fun of you,” he watched the singers’ hands move over his chest, the darkness of his nipples just visible through the soap and clearly erect. “I like your shyness. It’s cute.”

“I’m not shy!” he protested, rinsing away the soap and folding the washcloth into a neat square which he held over his crotch. “And I most certainly am not fucking cute!!” He grinned then, neatening up his little wash area and standing before briefly leaning over to land a quick kiss on Reita’s cheek. “Come on, I’m freezing my ass off out here.” The night breeze wasn’t cold but it was definitely cooling his wet skin and he wasted no more time before scurrying out of the washroom and stepping down into the deep and very hot sunken bath.

“Mmm… and a very nice ass it is too…” Reita said softly as he watched him disappear towards the bath itself.

Hot!

Ruki sat bolt upright, hugging both knees to his chest as the water’s heat soaked into him and flushed his face with a rare dose of colour. Little by little he allowed himself to get comfortable as his skin grew accustomed to the temperature and when Reita stepped into the pool next to him, Ruki was just about sitting normally.

The blonde bassist wasn’t as bothered by the heat it seemed and stretched his legs out in front of himself and leaned right back against the side, sighing contentedly.

“I’ve been looking forwards to this all day,” he let his gaze fall on the night sky clearly visible through the open sided room, one wall completely taken with the usual onsen sliding screen windows. Lazily he rolled his head to the left to look at Ruki. “So, do you like your present?”

Ruki looked down at his hand, fingers distorted by the water; he’d kept the ring on - taken all his other jewellery off though - but kept that one ring.

“What do you think, Aki? I love it…” he said softly, reaching through the crystal clear waters to rest his hand on Reita’s thigh and then slowly shifting his body inch by inch closer towards him. “I love it, I really love it.”

He slid forwards from the moulded seat to his knees, the deep water lapping at his chin as he moved in front of the still reclining blonde. Ruki dipped his chin a little further forwards, the steaming water licking at lips and swirling the cropped blonde hair around his ears gently as he edged ever closer. Blinking, droplets of steamy condensation feeling heavy on his lashes, he bit into his own bottom lip delicately, nearly distracting Reita from the two hands which found their way sliding up his inner thighs.

Gradually lifting himself up, water level dropping to his shoulders and then low down his chest, Ruki let both hands only briefly stroke over Reita’s flaccid cock before sliding up the firm grooves of his toned abdomen. Wandering finger tips tracing decreasing circles around hardening nipples before his tongue lead a tempting trail over his bottom lip and he closed his eyes to kiss Reita full on the mouth.

Reita hadn’t noticed he’d been holding his breath until he gasped a needed lungful as those perfect lips broke away from his own. Ruki, glistening and warm and exquisitely naked, emerging from the steamy water between his legs was in incredibly nice sight; one with equally nice connotations of what might follow. His wet bleached hair was brushed back from his face and darkened by the water; it made him look younger, more like the teenage drummer he’d first started a band with. His own cheeks glowing from the steam, Reita tilted his head forward a little, the silent and well known invitation for Ruki to kiss him further. The tips of their noses touching for a second and they both smiled before their lips found each other.

Hot, so hot. The kiss tasting faintly salty with perspiration, yet deliciously Reita all the same. Ruki kept his eyes closed, completely enjoying the water caressing his hardening erection, the tongue invading his mouth and the soft mewls the bassist made as he lightly pinched and rubbed his nipples. Breaking to take a breath, a visible vein standing proud on Reita’s neck and pulsing with every gush of blood around his body; Ruki reached down between the other’s legs, knowing damn well that he would find Reita’s cock now hard and ready for him to touch and tease as he chose.

“Move forwards a little…” Ruki said finally, breaking the drip-drip and trickle silence with the only words necessary. He rubbed one hand over his own erection; it was shocking just how turned on a kiss could make him, but with Reita it had never been any different. The bassist complied with his wishes, shifting his backside a little further towards the edge of the seat and now completely reclining, almost holding himself out of the water on the rim of the bath behind him. The twist from his shoulder to his elbow tensing both bicep and triceps and making Ruki’s heart beat just that little bit faster.

Reita’s eyes were closed too, his head back and to one side and his breath shallow and quite rapid. It’s fucking criminal just how sexy he is sometimes… the singer thought, running his fingers along the other’s relaxed scrotum and cupping his floating testicles gently before finally grasping the shaft of Reita’s cock to elicited a perfect moan in response.

“You like?” he whispered, raising himself up on his knees again and leaning forwards, teeth finding the skin on Reita’s neck warm and inviting.

The bassist mumbled an affirmative “Yes” mingled with another quiet moan as he felt Ruki rub against him with his own erection, nudging against his own arousal, kissing and nipping at his neck gently enough to not leave too much of a mark. But he was sliding forwards, could feel it now and sat upright unwillingly breaking the incredible friction Ruki was providing to his crotch.

“Oh?” The singer raised one eyebrow, sitting back on his heels and the water rising right up to his lips again. “You want to move? That’s fine by me.” He stood up, the water running in shining rivulets from his small frame, erection bobbing just at the water level and clearly darkened and hard. He held out one hand to Reita which the older man took without a second thought.

Whatever it was that Ruki wanted to do to him or with him, he would let him.

“It’s a beautiful night,” Ruki pulled Reita close to him in a loving embrace, his hands chasing water droplets down the curve of the bassist’s back and over his buttocks. “It would be a shame to miss the stars…” A kiss to Reita’s collar bone - he could reach no higher without finding his tiptoes - and then he reached around behind the bassist to fetch one of the washcloths they’d brought in with them.

Reita watched him fold it into a long, thick rectangle and then found himself being pulled back down to kneeling in the water, this time at the edge of the pool nearest to the open windows. Ruki held the towel out with both hands, bowing as he did so and offering it with the politest of words.

“For your knees.” As he straightened his head he caught Reita’s eye and smirked. “Don’t ever say I’m not a considerate lover.”

“I wouldn’t have you any other way…” he nodded, bowing in return before turning his back on Ruki and obediently kneeling on the folded material rather than the hard stone floor. Arms folded under his chin he stared out at the night; the moonlight reflecting off the lake and in the distance, the rush of the waterfall spewing out over the rocks. He took a deep breath of the clean, crisp air before a sharper more needy one as the water behind him sloshed and rippled and Ruki’s hands arms found their way around his chest.

They stayed there for a moment only, the briefest of kisses on his shoulder and the singer was grasping his hips and suggesting that he lift his backside out of the water a little more and maybe part his legs. It was probably a really undignified position to be in, but Reita found he was beyond caring when the singer’s tongue began to nuzzle between his buttocks. He had no idea just how sensitive he was, maybe it was the hot water, maybe it was the company but when Ruki carefully pulled his cock down and ever so slightly back between his legs and ran his tongue the full length from tip to scrotum and up to dip into his ass he actually gasped his name.

“Fuck…ahh Taka!”

The contrast of the water nearly too hot to bear on his genitals, and the open window’s breeze cooling his backside prickled a rush of sensation along his spine and every tiny downy hair on his back stood to attention in appreciation of the repeated sensations of Ruki caressing every inch of his erection. He almost didn’t need the finger which started to push into him, he was more than relaxed and incredibly turned on and the sooner he could feel Ruki in him, the better.

Ruki watched spellbound, it was so satisfying to see Reita squirm under his ministrations; he parted the bassist’s buttocks further, flicking his tongue repeatedly over the tight ring of muscle which he thoroughly intended claiming very soon. He pressed his thumb into Reita‘s perineum, making slow deliberate movements, knowing the pressure against his prostate would start the sparks coursing through him and finally one finger was pushed slowly between his buttocks in gentle preparation.

All Reita could do was moan, really moan, and nearly bite his own forearm from the pleasure. He gripped the rim of the bath with his crossed hands and arched his body down towards the water actually pushing back on Ruki’s invading finger.

“Akira…“ Ruki’s one whispered word, pulling his finger free and scrambling to his feet. With the water lapping at his buttocks he reached forwards, stroking from neck to the small of Reita’s back with one hand as the other gradually helped ease the tip of his cock into the constricting orifice he so loved to fuck.

He pulled Reita slowly backwards until his own abdomen was flush against his buttocks and then paused for a second, taken with the feeling of total pressure surrounding his erection. He bent forwards, kissing between Reita’s shoulder blades as he nudged his hips forwards, making the bassist nearly whimper his name.

“Ta..ka…ahh… please…”

He pulled back, starting the rhythm that would ultimately send them both into deep pleasure. Fingers gripping hard on Reita’s slippery wet hips, he cared not for the hot water splashing around his legs or for anyone seeing them. He had no other sentiments other than how incredibly good Reita felt and how utterly and completely he loved him. Increasing his pace, he could feel Reita’s bent legs beginning to twitch each time he buried his cock against the other’s prostate.

“Aki… Aki… Aki…” the near constant moan of all encompassing pleasure, dripped easily from his lips and he reached forwards once more, grasping Reita’s shoulder as he slammed into him with increasing urgency. Reita turned his head, looking back over his shoulder at the glistening wet body thrusting into him; biting his lip his eyes fluttered closed and then open again.

“Ruki… please… stop for a moment” he breathed, straightening up a little but only succeeding in altering the angle at which Ruki’s cock grazed his prostate for a whole new round of sparking pleasure. “I don’t want to cum… not yet…”

“Oh?” He didn’t pull out immediately, but he did stop moving; the kisses started then, shoulder blades, back, neck - all perfect places for biting and nibbling as his hands caressed random patterns on Reita’s stomach. The bassist’s head fell backwards as Ruki started to gently nudge within him again and he groaned out loud once more as talented fingers wound around his aching erection. He really did not want an interval in this performance, but he knew that Reita was right. However antisocial Ruki made himself out to be, deliberately soiling the onsen’s waters with their semen was just wrong.

He finally slipped his hips back enough for his erection to slide free and for Reita to stand up. The bassist turned slowly, his face and neck red from the exertion, his hair limply clinging to his forehead.

“We should go back to the room.” He collapsed onto the side of the bath, just the bottom of his legs still in the water, one hand subconsciously teasing his warm and relaxed scrotum.

Ruki nodded mutely, wading over to the other side of the bath and stepping up and out to drip his way back into the washroom to re-clean himself. Picking both of their forgotten washcloths out of the water, Reita followed. The pair dressed in silence, helping each other into their respective yukata; Reita’s fitting well, Ruki’s way too long and needing to be tucked up substantially at his waist. Their silence continued back along the corridors, this time though their pace was somewhat more rushed, breaking into a sprint as they closed in on their room.

Kicking his slippers off and dropping the socks he’d carried, Ruki fumbled with the sliding inner door as he was practically carried in by the other. They tumbled onto the futon, two sets of hands tugging at the other’s robe both uncovering shoulders and chest and fighting with the fabric belt. Ruki succeeded in pulling Reita’s free but his own wasn’t budging; but then again, it didn’t need to.

Reita crouched between his legs, pushing both knees apart and his nose to Ruki’s stomach, taking the vocalist’s returning arousal into his mouth and suckling gently. The younger one’s knees twitched but were unable to move, Reita had him pinned expertly as his head bobbed up and down slowly, tongue lavishing the head and swirling around each and every curve and dip, all the while looking up at the watching eyes.

The stiff cotton bunched at his elbows his chest bare and still flushed from the bath he relaxed his legs completely flat against the futon and tousled his fingers in the other’s blonde hair, his breath coming in quick bursts as the full force of his previous excitement returned.

Clambering out of his own yukata, he crawled forwards over Ruki’s inviting body and kissed him with undeniable need. He knew that Ruki loved to taste himself on Reita’s lips so he let his tongue delve into the singer’s mouth, moaning into the kiss as the tip of his erection brushed the body beneath him. Never breaking their embrace, he wiggled his hips into position and pushed into the small body beneath him.

Ruki gripped his shoulders incredibly tightly, eyes wide open and unblinking, watching his own reflection in the dark liquid depths of Reita’s eyes and then he closed them, descending into his own personal heaven. The living heat that was Reita hunched over him, filling him, making him mewl with each smooth thrust into him. He lifted his feet, tucking them around Reita’s bent legs and reached up to pull the bassist back down into another slow and tender kiss. Lips leaving his and trailing kisses down his neck, he could do nothing other than relax completely into the thick futon and succumb to the sensations Reita was stirring within him.

And then, his breath hitched in his throat as Reita changed his position a little, lifting one of Ruki’s legs to near his shoulder and then really ramming hard into him. He grasped the gathered yukata at his side with one hand, twisting the material over his fist as the other finally attended to his seeping erection, a single bead of precum gathered at the tip which he smeared with his thumb as he felt his long awaited orgasm finally approach.

“Ahh… I’m gonna cum… I…” he didn’t finish his words, his release charging to the surface in a sudden rush of tingling excitement to finally smatter on his fingers and abdomen.

Reita kept moving, even though he could feel his own orgasm desperately close, knowing that each nudge to the other’s now over-sensitive body would take his breath away. He knew because Ruki did it to him… and he loved it.

Only when Reita was sure Ruki was spiralling down from the high, did he pull out and finish himself quickly over the other’s already messed stomach with an exclamation as if surprised by the eventual ending. And then, he collapsed onto his side next to Ruki and let out a long heavy sigh.

Silence. As if the world were taking the breath with him, waiting to see what he would make of the splatters on his stomach. Ruki raised his head off the futon, looking down with a critical eye at the viscous white semen cooling on his skin before quickly finding his last ounce of strength and staggering out into the tiny bathroom to clean himself up.

Yukata wrapped tightly around himself and retied, Ruki stood in the doorway for a moment watching Reita snoozing on the futon before switching off the light and sliding in next to him under the crisp white bedding. And then, one final kiss, one last tender touch of lips on lips that had so longed for each other once but which now were complete. Two men, curled up together in a sleepy dream; lovers at times, friends for ever.

Storm Warning

Sun, 25 Nov 2007 19:52:00 GMT

“Hey, I‘m home” Ruki closed the apartment door behind himself, placing the bag of groceries on the floor whilst he toed his shoes off one by one and arranged them impeccably neatly as a perfect pair in their own space on the shoe rack. Reita’s shoes, he noticed, were neither arranged or neat; they’d made their way from the other man’s feet into their haphazard resting places, one remarkably near the shoe rack and one actually balanced over the edge of the genkan step, not deciding if it was in the house or outside.

He kicked at it with his toes, nudging the scuffed white Converse off the step and down to join it’s partner in a more acceptable arrangement. His wallet made a good and heavy clank of uncoiling metal chains as he removed it from his back pocket and lay it down, keys and all, next to the small Buddha sitting next to some slowly burning incense sticks. The small amount of ash which was curled over the edge of each one told him that Reita hadn’t been back long himself.

Retrieving his bag of various treats and necessities he wandered down the little passageway into the kitchen, dumping it on the countertop. There was nothing perishable, the few packets and cartons he’d bought would survive not being tidied away just yet. Sunglasses and hat removed, he squinted a little and rubbed his eyes before running his fingers up through his blonde hair, satisfying an itch just past his hairline.

He pulled his jacket off, laying it over the back of one of the high stools waiting near his breakfast bar. “Aki? Do you want something to eat?” he called, not expecting the reply to come from quite so close as it did.

“No, I’m good. I had something to eat at home” he reached up, the top of the doorframe easily within his reach making for a good point to hold onto.

The smaller blonde turned around to lean back against the counter, folding his arms over his chest for a moment before pushing them deeply into his pockets. “Not more instant spaghetti I hope, you eat way too much of that crap for it to be good for you y’know.” However stern he tried to look though, Ruki couldn’t keep his smile hidden for long - not when they were together.

Even though he knew the answer, the fragrant burning in the hallway giving it away easily he still asked the question. “Been here long?”

Reita leant forwards, still holding onto the door frame above him as he nodded slowly, lowering his gaze to the floor as he mumbled, “Long enough to miss you..”

“Yeah.. I guess I am pretty special” he nodded back, the smug grin on his face quite evident. “You’re not so bad yourself though.” Ruki pushed himself away from his restful leaning against the counter and took a step, two at most towards Reita to gently raise the embarrassed face up to eye level. The feint blush which graced Reita’s cheeks was irresistible though and to not kiss him would have been wrong. Very wrong.

His fingers allowed to wander freely into the soft hair at Reita’s neck he pulled gently knowing it would make the bassist stoop just enough for him not to have to raise up to his toes. Reita complied, closing his eyes as he did so and he felt the singer’s warm breath on his cheek and then his lips on his own. They kissed as they had done many many times, slow enough to make it seem like time had quite stopped for them, Ruki’s near silent mewls of pleasure as his tongue found Reita’s, his hand running wrinkle by wrinkle down his T-shirt and sliding around to the small of his back to pull his hip into Reita’s groin.

Their lips never parting, tongues curling over each other in the slick heat of their mouths as the heat once more began to rise up from Reita’s chest, his heart pounding in time to the drumbeat Ruki knew how to play so well. The smaller man pushed him back out of the kitchen and into the wall of the hallway, his kisses coming harder now; more demanding, more insistent and Reita was ready to meet him every step of the way. There was nothing in the world which he’d ever wanted more than this moment; this man.

goro goro*

Ruki broke off the kiss in a heartbeat, looking to his left down into the living room.

“Thunder.. We’re going to get a storm..” he rubbed his top lip on his bottom, teeth pulling at the plump flesh for a second before he grabbed Reita’s hand and pulled him down the hallway.

Another crash of thunder, this time louder. There was a flicker, the lights surged brightly and then went off, plunging them into near darkness. Ruki’s fingers wound around the bassist’s wrist tighter as he lead him through the maze of impossible to see furniture. The apartment was eerily quiet, no buzz of the TV on standby, no noise from the small refrigerator or the air-conditioning. Nothing, just the sounds from outside and as Ruki pulled open the sliding glass door to the small balcony, the sound of rain.

Big fat drops, warm thunder-rain, gaining speed on the rooftops around them and chattering down into gutters and finally the alley far below. Ruki stepped away from the door, the raindrops finally finding his blonde hair and quickly eating into the pale blonde to darken it to a sandy yellow. He held one hand up palm flat for emphasis, his shoulders now soaked through, his hair sitting long and wet over his eyes.

“It’s raining” he said, wiping the dark blonde from his dark eyes and beckoning to the reticent bassist. “Feel like getting wet with me, Akira?” One hand, catching raindrops and waiting for Reita’s fingers to wind around it and be pulled in.

The tall bassist nodded, taking hold of Ruki’s offered paw and grimacing slightly as the first drops of rain hit his back. They were warm at first but soon became colder and his shirt was soaked through in a matter of moments. He wrapped his arms around Ruki’s torso, resting his chin on the other’s shoulder as they stood watching the thunder lighting up the tall buildings of downtown Tokyo a few miles away. A thousand blinking red lights fighting with the incredible intensity of each rip of thunder, tearing the sky in half and rumbling near continuously.

Ruki could feel the warmth through his saturated T-shirt, he could almost feel the other’s heart beating loudly against his back and he turned in those arms, leaning back against the balcony railings and began pulling at Reita’s shirt. The bassist knew exactly how this went and oh, how he wanted the game to progress swiftly to the next level. He slid out of that wet shirt as if it was an unneeded second skin, feeling the rain real and cold on his shoulders and the lips and tongue teasing and erotic on his nipple.

“Taka..” he gasped, one hand snaking down between Ruki’s legs to stroke at the warm bulge he found there, knowing the same was happening to himself. He caught his breath as Ruki grazed his teeth progressively harder against the sensitive mound of flesh, his own languid strokes of the singer’s crotch too getting more insistent.

Ruki straightened up, catching Reita’s gaze full on with his own never ending eyes as he held the railings behind him and pushed his crotch harder into Reita’s willing fingers.

“Here… in the rain…”

Another loud crash of thunder almost over head, the rain still running in rivulets off the corrugated roofs below and getting the two wetter and wetter.

All Reita could do was nod, mumbling an agreement and grasping Ruki tightly to him. Taking charge of the other’s pleasure was what he did best of all, lips and teeth working against his neck to elicit more of those delicious moans of bitter sweet pleasure which fuelled his own excitement. The singer’s shirt was wrinkled and wet against his bare skin, not entirely a pleasant feeling but one which could be so easily remedied. Ruki shivered as he slipped out of the sodden material, folding his arms protectively around his frame, watching the bassist slip to his knees.

Reita pulled Ruki’s buckle undone, slipping the wet leather belt through its restraining metal clasp and tugging on the buttons of his jeans. The whole fly came open easily to relieve the mounting constriction on his erection, wet denim pooling around his ankles along with the metallic thud of that belt buckle hitting the balcony floor.

The singer moaned in outright ecstasy as Reita slid his mouth down the full length of his cock, the muscles of his throat along with the swirling tongue over the head making his heart leap in his chest. A blast of adrenaline shot into his system and his hands hung limply by his sides, rump pale and bare for the street to see if it so cared to look. He breathed deeply, feeling the sensations awakening the tingling sparks within his gut, holding his head back and letting the rain fall into his face.

“Not yet Taka, not yet..” Reita could feel it dammit, feel the other’s erection growing harder as more and more blood pooled into his groin, the twitch of his legs too signalling that he might release at any moment. He stood up, motioning for Ruki to turn around and bend over, the railings taking the weight of his folded arms and face leaning on them. Just one finger was all it would take, his index sliding slowly between Ruki’s buttocks and into the awaiting body heat, making the hunched shoulders tense at the intrusion.

“Oh…” he gasped, his voice cracking slightly. “So good…”

He continued, running his finger in and out of Ruki’s ass, curling it down towards the front of his body as he did so, knowing full well that every time he touched the deep bundle of nerves it would send a wave of pleasure throughout his body. And when he decided the time was right and that he couldn’t wait not second longer, Reita pulled his own wet jeans and shorts off together in one fluid movement. He too was painfully aroused, touching and tasting Ruki - seeing him like this, waiting was never an option.

Shuffling closer, careful not to slip with his jeans still around his ankles, he used finger and thumb to position himself between Ruki’s buttocks and then just pushed forward; he knew how this went, he knew how it would feel but it caught him every time.

Ruki moaned out loud each time he thrust into him, the rain dripping off his messed blonde hair and running down his back. Thunder crashing over them, the streetlights flickering with each lightning bolt, and a shower of sparks a few streets away. Reita held onto the slim hips in front of him, feeling the storm’s energy prickling the hairs on his neck with static as he continued to fuck the singer relentlessly.

Eyes tightly shut and mouth open, the taste of his own arm against his lips he reached down between his legs to grasp his seeping erection, a pearl of precum glistening from the bouncing tip as Reita crashed into his prostate with each well placed thrust. He whimpered into his arm and couldn’t stop himself from releasing, semen mixing with the rain water dripping from his back and hair onto the concrete balcony. Seeing it, feeling it around his own pulsing cock was perfection for Reita and he pulled quickly out of Ruki, fucking his hand to spot the singer’s rump with semen.

Stillness for a moment, Reita’s chest heaving from the last waves of orgasm which ran through his body as the rain cleansed his release from Ruki’s skin.

“Taka…” he said finally, breaking the silence as he bent down to pull his jeans up; eventually the singer stirred and Reita watched his silhouette against the retreating thunderstorm do the same. “We should dry off inside. You don’t want to catch a cold out here…”

*goro goro a little Japanese onomatopoeia, the noise of thunder. But you all knew that, right? #._.)

Clowns & Jokers 10

Sun, 25 Nov 2007 19:50:43 GMT

Nao was dreaming, he couldn’t think of any reason why his phone was ringing at half past four on a Monday morning. He’d only been in bed for a couple of hours; it, he decided, was just not fair. He opened one eye in a squint, hoping that the ringing would stop fairly soon and he could drift back to sleep.

“Whoever you are, I don’t want to talk to you” he whined, “I just want to sleeeeep..”

And to Nao’s complete satisfaction, the phone eventually stopped. He thanked which ever deity had silenced it and closed his eyes, happy to feel sleep creep back upon him. However, the phone wasn’t gratified.. It began ringing again not more than five minutes later, jingling it’s happy tune into the darkness.

It woke him with a jump, and this time he was angry.

“Yes?!” he snapped, catching up the little device and glaring into the murky darkness. A wall of distant and crackled noise greeted him from the other end of the line along with a familiar and somewhat hyperactive sounding voice.

“I’ve forgotten what to say!!”

“Yuta? Is that you?” He rubbed his eyes with his free hand, sitting up and reaching over to turn on the lamp at the side of his bed. Nao squinted at the light, catching sight of himself in the mirror at the end of his bed. He didn’t look like he had any right being awake, his chestnut hair messy and standing at all manner of strange angles to his head.

“What do you mean, you’ve forgotten what to say? Where are you?”

Kai hopped from one foot to the other, nerves had completely taken over and got the better of him. The night before, the Saturday, no problems. Their first ever live show outside of Japan and the adrenaline had carried him all the way through the set and his own little MC better than he could have hoped. But now his mind was blank. The hours Nao had spent with him going over and over the things he could say to the crowd were forgotten; some German, some English but all now completely gone from his mind.

“What do I say?” he hopped around, bursts of energy coursing through him. “I can’t remember anything!”

Typical Kai really, always relying on him to have the right words. But on this one occasion, it just so happened that the bassist did have the right answer for him.

“Just say…” Nao glanced over at the small picture of him and Kai on his night stand. And as early mornings were not conducive to remembering foreign languages, he said “Just say…”

Laughter had him; the faces from off stage were not helping compose his mind, Aoi and Uruha waiting just out of the crowd’s line of sight shouting rousing encouragements and a little further into the darkness he could just about make out the bassist with arms wrapped around the singer’s waist, head resting on his shoulder.

Overwhelmed by nerves, he gave in and shouted exactly what Nao had said he should. There was always one word that all languages could understand.

“Yeah!”

He punched the air with his drumsticks in hand and the crowd’s reaction was just what he’d hoped for which made Kai smile all the more. Aoi’s whooped cry of triumph too made him laugh even more and he shook his head in merriment before starting up his drum solo to continued cheers.

Bundled into the van not thirty minutes later, all of his body hot and sweating, the triumph of their first overseas lives really began to dawn on Ruki. He slumped against the window, damp face pressed to the glass and a thoroughly contented smile on his face as he watched the bridge flash by on their short drive back to the hotel.

He was so content, he could even ignore the perfect hair and perfectly smile free face of their ex-manager two seats in front of him. He ignored her into the hotel, past the curious expressions of the other hotel guests and all the way to his room. He closed the door, peeling his T-shirt off and the sweat-drenched claret velvet trousers, leaving them in a trail marking his path to the shower.

Ruki leaned one hand against the tiled wall, hot water running over his aching neck and shoulders. He would have happily killed for Uruha’s hands on him right at that moment as the guitarists’ neck rubs were his elixir before and after a show. He tilted his head this way and that, stretching his tired muscles whilst at the same time trying to keep his hair as dry as he could.

He found his thoughts drifting to their bassist, his still friend yet currently ex-lover. Things had improved between them - the unplanned oral sex he’d received the previous morning was good indication of how things had changed. But nothing had been said, no conclusive plans had been made as to their future together.

Once out of the shower, he wrapped a seemingly huge towel around his shoulders, rubbing his saturated skin to dampness and then near dry as he walked slowly over to the bed. Was he ready for this? Ready to take Reita back completely and unequivocally? Could he push the memories of what had happened between them to the back of his mind? Would things ever be the same? Would he even want them to be?

Still deep in thought, he scanned the dresser and reached forwards to pick up his bracelet. This was one of the original batch, hand made by himself and Matsuda. This was the reason that Reita had felt so driven away, so alienated from Ruki’s life. He turned the piece of silver over in his fingers, examining the familiar lines and curves before laying it back down next to his watch.

“You can stay here tonight I think.” Because as he sat there, watching his shower-fresh reflection in the mirror, he realised that he did indeed have a plan for that evening. Officially it would be drinks downstairs and general merriment and then bed at some un-worldly hour and Ruki was all in favour of those plans. He could manage a drink or two, socialising with the staff and the rest of the band was always fun - he’d even play nice and tolerate Kimura with limited sarcasm and then bed. Sweet, blissful and massive B-E-D; how he longed for that moment because he was now firm in his mind that he would not be sliding under those sheets alone.

He needed to let Reita know that things were going to change. He’d change, be more open, more giving. He‘d not lock himself away with his interests and shove the bassist out to the sidelines; the feelings he had for Reita were not going to go away that easily, he owed it to themselves to give their relationship a second chance.

Dry and dressed, Ruki sat at the desk in the corner of the room with his laptop open, writing a few words in his personal journal to record the moment. It’s backlight the only illumination in the entire room throwing up strange an unusual shadows, unmoving, unwavering and the words on the screen too a true record of his feelings.

She gave him the one thing I never did. It’s time to change that.

Ruki switched off the bathroom light and tucked the bottle of body lotion he’d nervously selected into his pocket. His wardrobe for the evening was one of the many tour Tshirts he owned, blue jeans and black Converse trainers. His fringe hidden under the heavy woollen wrap which covered the most part of his head save the mess of dreadlocks poking out the back. And of course, dark glasses to hide his eyes behind; they were the window to the soul after all and he didn’t want his window gazed through by just anyone.

Nerves were taking over now, he was close to just foregoing the whole night and staying holed up in his room. He took a deep breath, speaking quietly to himself as he stood behind the door, his heart practically beating in his throat.

“You can do this. Just let go, tell him what he needs to hear.”

He rounded the corner to a chorus of various greetings of all types. For Ruki, the only one which mattered came from their bassist; black jeans and the same black and white shirt he’d been wearing the day before, this time loosely buttoned over a sleeveless black vest. He was leaning against the large bank of windows which overlooked the courtyard at the back of the hotel, looking down on the private marquee which had been arranged for them that evening.

Ruki nudged him with his elbow, nodding the briefest of bows as everything else around them seemed to fall into a dull murmur

“We’re VIPs” the bassist said, pressing his fingers against the glass and then pointing down to the marquee, “Not bad, huh?”

Ruki leant next to him, his hands fidgeting uncontrollably in his pockets unsure what to do. He wanted to put his arm around those long yearned for hips and tuck his fingers around the curve of Reita’s backside, into his pocket where he knew he’d find train tickets and flyers and all sorts of interesting little pieces that the other was prone to picking up. And he would have done it too, if the lift doors hadn’t opened and had Kimura walk from between them.

She was laden with bags. Not shopping bags this time, but handbags and purses and tote bags. Ruki recognised them from the small display in the lobby - she’d probably bought the better part of everything there. He rested his covered forehead against the glass, watching Reita’s reflection next to his against the dark night sky.

“It’s gone 11pm yet she still finds something to spend her money on. The woman is insufferable” he mumbled, turning around to rest his back against the window and watch the others chatting.

“Ignore her,” Reita raised his hand to stroke Ruki’s cheek, the soft shower-fresh skin irresistible to him. “The only thing worth having right now can’t be bought..” He didn’t move his hand away, instead he tucked his fingers up past the black wrap and caressed Ruki’s earlobe which only served to send swarms of goose-bumps shooting down the singer’s neck. He all but melted into Reita’s hand, his own drawing from his pockets to find a place on the other’s hips - Ruki was ready to claim himself a kiss, a quick taste of Reita’s lips to keep him going until the party was over and the fun could begin.

“Ok, lets go!” Ueda clapped his hands as the lift doors opened again, ushering everyone into the elevator, the briskness of his voice making it quite clear that there would be no time for kissing. Ruki pursed his lips together in annoyance but as the bassist smiled his reticent smile and joined the crowd, Ruki couldn’t help but break into a grin in return before Kai suddenly blocked his view.

The drummer’s fingers closed forcefully around his wrist, and his usual easy smile was a little more taciturn for once. He blew his long fringe out of his eyes, still holding Ruki’s wrist and pulling him into the second elevator; alone.

“Well?” he stated his question quite simply yet in a hushed tone, expecting Ruki to have developed the power to not only read minds, but have his answer ready to go. This vocalist was understandably confused.

“Well what?” he inquired, looking at Kai’s reflection in the mirrored door of the lift, playing it cool, staring at Kai through the dark tint of his glasses.

“Oh you know damn well what I’m asking, don‘t play dumb,“ he hissed. “I saw that look just then. Are you and he back together?” Kai didn’t make any attempt to press the button labelled “0 - E”, instead he just stood with his thumbs tucked neatly in the belt loops of his embroidered jeans.

Ruki scuffed his feet against the floor, shifting his gaze down to regard the black trainers he was wearing. “I don’t know, nothing’s been said but…” he made half and effort to give Kai half a smile, before being unable to hide the warm flush that coloured his cheeks a little. “We’ve been getting closer again so maybe… I dunno… Why do you ask?”

The lift began to move, not from Kai pressing the button but from someone somewhere else summoning it. Kai frowned at him, his furrowed brow joined by the narrowing of both eyes.

“Don’t make me spell it out for you, Matsumoto. I still feel bad about how things went, I just want to see my friends happy…” he too lowered his frown, examining the lift floor along with Ruki. “…that’s all.”

There was something undeniably endearing about Kai, especially with his current slightly apologetic, slightly distracted expression and all Ruki could think to do was wrap both arms around him and hug him tightly.

“You’re a good friend Yuta, a bit fucked up at times, but a good friend none the less” Ruki said with a grin, letting his arms drop as the lift doors opened. “Don’t ever change, OK?”

He nodded once, happy that the hug had told Kai everything would be OK between them, that there were no hard feelings and no further revenge to be taken and walked out to push aside the fabric door to the marquee and take a seat next to Ueda.

“OK, let’s drink,” Aoi raised the first of the full glasses of beer ready for them on the table and slung his arm heavily around Uruha’s shoulders, pulling him close. “Cheers everyone!” He downed half of the beer and grinned, kissing Uruha firmly on the mouth, slipping his beer cooled tongue between the other’s lips for a long, slick caress that left some of the party open mouthed with shock and the rest of them merely trying to look the other way and pretend to not be affected.

Ruki glanced at Kai who merely looked back and shrugged, “Cheers!”

“How’re you feeling?” Reita lifted his glass, draining the last traces of beer from within, his eyes trained on the man opposite. It had been a little after 2am when Aoi and Uruha had practically carried each other back to their rooms, Kai having left only marginally earlier with Ueda and the last few remaining staff members. The two guitarists had spent most of the night hand in hand and the more they drank the louder they became, finally being urged to got to bed by at Ueda. Naturally, they had taken it as a direct order to go and have sex from their manager and had obediently, if a little groggily, obliged.

“Not sure,” Ruki cradled his own drink, a long cocktail of orange, cranberry and tequila and pouted, his usual ‘thinking face’. He sipped the drink, “I’ve known Takashima longer than anyone… well, I thought that I knew him.” He then grinned at Reita, one hand creeping up under the woollen wrap to scratch at his hairline. “He’s never mentioned liking anyone, let alone Shiroyama.”

Reita lifted his feet to the table’s edge and leant forwards to exchange his empty glass for the waiting full one.

“But they practically told us that they were together,” he poured a little more beer down his throat. Ruki had always marvelled at Reita’s beer drinking capacity. “And Osaka? The tour bus? Didn’t you ever wonder what they were doing every night?” Reita’s rare smile made an appearance then, sparkling in his eyes and curving his lips most enticingly over white teeth. It was one of the things that Ruki had found hardest to give up and easiest to fall right back in love with.

“Well, I just thought that they were fucking,” Ruki shrugged, “I never knew that there was any more to it than that.” He sipped his drink again, looking around as he did so but then the weight of Reita’s stare brought their eyes together once more. “What?”

Having exchanged his drink for a cigarette, Reita relaxed back into the soft chair and crossed his feet on the table’s edge. “Can you separate the two?” Ruki’s puzzled expression provoked him to elaborate. “Sex without feelings, I mean, don’t they go hand in hand?” He settled into his seat a little further, puffing a cloud of pale grey smoke around his face, but nothing could hide the intensity of his stare.

“When you took that girl back to your apartment and screwed her into the bed sheets, didn’t you feel anything for her?”

Reita’s eyes burnt into him, slicing through the slight alcohol fuzzed exterior right to his core. They’d never really spoken about this; it had always gone unsaid.

Ruki’s mistake

“I didn’t feel a thing for her, it was just sex,” he said simply, “She was willing… and…” Reita was still watching him closely and it irritated Ruki to be put under interrogation in this way. The silence continued a little longer, growing in intensity before he could hold it no more.

“Dammit Aki, she looked just like you! I was drunk and after what happened at the All Stars show and Kimura constantly complaining at me…” He trailed off at mention of Uruha’s sister, their ex-manager, and thought that maybe the question should now be reversed.

“Talking of that bitch, you slept with her… behind my back, might I add. Surely you didn’t feel anything?”

Reita lowered his eyes then, the accusing glare which Ruki had so perfected during the course of their break up now used to maximum effect. He squirmed in his seat, this too had never really been discussed between them as after all, this was:

Reita’s mistake

“There was something there,” he said hesitantly, “We both had a common feeling.” He glanced up, catching Ruki’s eye with his own piercing stare. “Maybe we both felt completely rejected by the one person in the entire world who meant the most to us. For her, the husband. For me, you.”

The hand holding his cigarette could do nothing to hide it’s slight tremor and he blinked back the first sting of threatening tears. “I never meant… all I wanted…” Reita could feel his face heating up and he tried to laugh back the agonising pressure in his throat. “Taka, I just want you to love me…” he swallowed, the lump in his throat now fully choking his words back, his eyes imploring the singer to make this a little easier on him. Something, anything to tell him that this wasn’t all going to waste. “…as much as I love you.”

The silence which followed seemed to last a lifetime if not longer; Reita couldn’t look at Ruki, instead concentrating on his hands, the cigarette, the floor, the tall plant in the corner; Ruki sitting, absorbing the bassist’s words and coming to the inevitable conclusion that he really could not go on another day without the semi-reticent blonde trying to disappear into the sofa opposite.

“It was more than that Aki, I’ve come to realise it now and… if you’ll let me, I want to make things right again.” He stood up long enough to straighten his clothes, sitting back down in the empty seat next to Reita. “I’ve been a selfish bastard, haven‘t I?” He turned, facing Reita squarely and reached to clasp the other’s hand between his.

His fingers played over Reita’s for a moment, “Be mine again? It’ll be different to before, things will be different. We’ll be different..” Raised to his mouth, he gently kissed the warm, smoky fingers and smiled.

This wasn’t a good time for Ruki’s sudden outburst of tender affection and emotion which he rarely let surface finally overwhelmed him and closing his eyes only forced the single tear on it’s slow journey over his cheek. As for the question? Ruki didn’t even have to ask.

Reita sniffed, taking a deep breath and finding the spirit to hold onto Ruki’s little hands tighter than ever.

“I can never be anyone else’s Taka. If you want me, you’ve got me.” He smiled back, a little embarrassed for crying like this and tried half heartedly to blame it on the beer. “I think I’ve had enough to drink, don’t you?”

Ruki all but launched himself at the older one, wrapping both arms tightly around his neck and tasting the bitter saline tears on his lips as he kissed Reita’s face over and over. Their cheeks pressed hard against each other, he whispered hurriedly into Reita’s ear.

“It’s the one thing she gave you which I never did,” he brought his lips together over Reita’s pierced lobe, whispering softly the one word which he hoped would reinforce their relationship to the end. “Control.”

Reita sank even further into the sofa, holding tightly onto the small and perfect man who was almost smothering him with affection. He didn’t care; he wanted it all. He drove his fingers into the thick knot of twisted hair that made up Ruki’s dreadlocks and grasped him hard at the shoulders as the kisses just kept on coming.

If I never let go, then this moment might last forever; nothing bad can touch us, we’ll be together, alone like this always.

Feint noises of rattling bottles and the hum of a floor polisher floated in from the hotel but the marquee’s still silence was broken only by the sounds of their combined breathing. Reita hadn’t realised just how affected his body had become by Ruki’s long awaited for touches until they were parted. He stared deep into the other’s dark eyes, the pupils filling every speck of dark brown in this half light and near felt his heart exploding at the complete and utter feelings of love that he was experiencing.

“Taka…” he tried to speak but was stopped by something he wasn’t quite ready for. Ruki pulled the thick black wrap from his head and eased the restraining band out from the dreadlocks. Long thin strands fell heavily down past his shoulders and he tousled them with his fingers, scratching hard at his neck and finally shaking his head, making the red and brown fingers fly uncontrolled about his face.

And still he said nothing, simply reaching for the hem of Reita’s shirt and sliding it over his shoulders and down his arms, leaving the blonde to finish the task as he then pulled his own Tshirt off inside out, shaking the now freed dreadlocks over bare shoulders, the longest of them reaching the middle of his back.

Reita’s fingers were allowed one brief touch of Ruki’s stomach before the singer batted him away, taking hold of the bassist’s black vest and slowly peeling it from his body. His heart now quite ready to leap from his exposed chest, Reita groaned in appreciation of the light touches that began to arouse him further. Those wicked fingers, playing him like a skilled pianist, the perfect concerto of whisper soft caresses, sweetly sharp scratches and the ever inquisitive finger tips which kept finding his quickly hardening nipples.

As the bassist’s hand found it’s way to the growing warmth between his legs, Ruki couldn’t help but moan and roll his hips forwards against that hand, tilting his face up to claim a long and deep kiss. They almost fell in to their old ways then, Ruki about to take charge and lead the kiss, make it work how he wanted, kiss Reita how he liked to kiss and take things from there to their usual conclusion.

But then he remembered…

“Aki,” he mumbled, the heat evident on his face, his cheeks already wearing a beautiful rose flush. “Make me yours.” Ruki looked at the blonde, trying to communicate his true meaning with just his eyes.

“I’ve needed to hear that for so long. I need to feel you again Taka..” Reita began pulling at Ruki’s jeans, the belt unbuckled in a heartbeat, the zipper open in another.

Ruki watched the chipped black painted nails pulling urgently at his clothes, his own flat stomach dipping and swelling as he breathed heavily in and out; and then Reita’s hand was there in his shorts, touching flesh already feverishly hot and firm. He shifted uncomfortably, his tight jeans now too tight for his liking. He wanted more of that hand, more of that feeling.

“Off” he breathed, more of a command for the jeans to magically disappear than one for Reita to action but it was taken as a direct request and he worked the denim down from Ruki’s slim hips for the singer to kick into a pile on the floor, leaving just his shorts. Reita knew better than to completely disrobe the singer in one movement, he knew Ruki was never overly comfortable being exposed.

As he leant closer, bending down to kiss Ruki’s stomach and over his clothed arousal, he thought to himself how glad he was that this particular part of Ruki’s anatomy wasn’t in direct proportion with the rest of him. It made him smile so much that he had to stop, taking a moment to look up at Ruki’s face, the long twisted hair laying on his chest with the fringe standing up in a messed display of hair that had just been left to dry under the woollen wrap.

Ruki’s eyes however, were trained on the hand that was still tracing the outline of his erection through his shorts and he nodded, the signal that he was happy for Reita to continue stripping him.

“Are you going to touch me or just tease me, Reita?”

A nod. “Lay down.” As Ruki began to recline backwards, he lifted his hips to let his shorts be slid torturously slowly over his erection, lifting one knee to slide first one leg out and then shaking the other foot to send his underwear sliding down to his ankle and finally flying over to the other side of the small marquee to rest on one of the tall, decorative plants.

Reita popped the button on his own jeans, the weight of the baggy denim pulling them to the floor and revealing the stark lack of any underwear. Ruki looked at him slyly.

“Were you expecting to get lucky tonight?”

“I was right though, wasn’t I?” he grinned, stepping out of the heap of crumpled denim to kneel at the end of the sofa with Ruki’s bent knees in front of him. He prised them easily apart and wasted not a second longer.

Ruki’s body was so inviting, Reita wanted to touch every part of him all at once if he could. He wanted to make this incredible man moan and writhe under his caress; oh! How he wanted to hear his voice bend to the lilting, breathy groans of passion, desire, wanting…

He was about to lick his finger in preparation when Ruki surprised him somewhat.

“Just a minute…” he pointed to the pile of clothes which he’d discarded. “In my jeans… front pocket…”

He was a little confused for a moment until his fingers closed on what could only be a small bottle.

“It looks like I wasn’t the only one making plans for tonight, huh?” he grinned, taking the moment to have one last mouthful of beer before proceeding. He wasn’t entirely sure what was in the bottle - it was pale and fragrant and could have equally been lotion or hair conditioner but that didn’t matter. With a generous amount smeared on his middle finger, the only thing that did matter was the soft groan that left Ruki’s lips when he pushed the slick digit into his ass, angling his finger upwards as he pressed it in to the next knuckle.

Ruki’s legs prickled with goosebumps and his fingers grasped at nothing as he tried to let his breath fall heavily and slowly. Each one would relax his body just a little bit more than the last yet Reita’s finger only wriggled increasingly deeper inside of him. He closed his eyes, imagining what it would feel like when it was Reita’s cock stretching him rather than just his finger but at that point, the blonde decided to take the reddened tip of Ruki’s erection into his mouth and probe the slit just a little with his tongue and Ruki could think no more.

“Akiraaah..ahhh“ he moaned, louder this time as the knuckles of Reita’s other fingers pressed against his buttocks, still just the sensitive tip of his erection being suckled and teased as deep within him the knot of nerves which Reita’s finger stroked gently set off white hot sparks behind his closed eyelids and made his ears prickle and tingle.

He sunk lower over and over again, taking as much of Ruki into his mouth as he could without gagging, circling the tip with his tongue incredibly slowly on each upward movement. Keeping in perfect rhythm was his middle finger two knuckles deep inside the singer and pressing into his prostate each time he ran his tongue over Ruki’s now weeping tip.

“Do it Ruki, let go…” he mumbled, wrapping the fingers of his other hand firmly around Ruki’s cock and in a long lingering movement, rolling the other’s foreskin slowly up and over the tip and back down again each movement complimented with a nudge of his middle finger deep within. “Do it…”

It crept upon him quite by chance, the muscles tensing just below his navel first with an almost unconscious pressure which seemed to emit the warmth which followed. Next came the soft prickle of pins and needles and his toes went quite cold, so much so that he curled them inside the socks which he still wore for relief but it wasn’t enough. He lifted one leg up higher, hooking it over the back of the sofa and let the other drop to the floor, the act of spreading them only heightening the pressure of Reita’s fingertip against his insides.

His heart began to beat quicker, he could almost hear the blood racing through his veins - those on the backs of his hands standing proud under his pale skin as he clawed for something to hold onto; a cushion, the edge of the seat, Reita’s shoulder. He stared wide-eyed at the sight of his own flushed erection slipping in and out of Reita’s mouth, the long fingers teasing his skin. Dark eyes caught his gaze and there was a smile nestled deep within their liquid depths.

“I can’t… I can’t stop…” he groaned, the tension in his neck suddenly dissipating and he could hold his head up no more.

I don’t want you to stop Reita thought, feeling Ruki’s erection gain it’s final rush of blood in immediate preparation for orgasm, the tip hardening a little more under his sweeping tongue and then Ruki was cumming and Reita could taste it and feel it and with the haze from one too many beers, he’d never felt more at ease in his life.

He reached over, finding the remains of his bottle of beer and finished it in one long mouthful, almost sorry to lose the intensity of Ruki’s taste on his lips but needing the drink so badly. The singer held out one hand for a taste, sitting up with a groan to drink what Reita didn’t of the beer. And with a long sigh each, they collapsed next to each other on the sofa, Ruki dropping the bottle lazily to the floor.

“Why are you so good at that?” Ruki said, laying on his side with one arm resting over the bassist’s stomach. He flicked a couple of stray dreadlocks back over his shoulder and nuzzled his face against Reita’s chest, still feeling his pulse pounding in his cheeks. “It’s fucked up, no-one should be that good at oral…”

The easy smile on Reita’s face wasn’t budging, he was naked and happy, laying with Ruki in his arms and not a care in the world… except for his near painful erection. It twitched as Ruki kissed him, nudging the vocalists arm and making them both snigger.

“This is serious business Suzuki,” Ruki laughed once more, tried to frown and then laughed again, moving out of the embrace to straddle Reita, being careful to not squash his arousal with his clambering hands and knees.

“Sorry, serious, yes.”

Ruki narrowed his eyes but didn’t say anything, instead reaching behind him to pick the bottle of lotion up from the table. He popped the cap open and with one hand squeezed the majority of the bottle over Reita’s erection, stomach, scrotum - just about everywhere.

“Don’t you want to save some of that..?” he inquired, watching Ruki throw the bottle over towards the same plant where his underwear was still hanging.

“No need” he trailed his fingers through the opaque lotion, drawing his name on Reita’s stomach before wrapping a lotion covered hand around his hard cock to an affirmative and deep moan. The movements weren’t there to tease or arouse, they were solely to coat Reita’s arousal with a generous amount of lubrication. Ruki wanted this to be as easy on them both as possible.

“Takanori, what are you planning? You’ve got that look…”

“Have I Aki? What look is that..?” he lunged forwards, half biting half kissing Reita’s bottom lip, left hand grasping hard at a handful of bleached hair delving deep into the other’s mouth to taste beer mixed with the feint traces of his own cum. But the kiss was just a diversion, something to make sure Reita didn’t notice Ruki’s other hand busy behind him, slathering the lotion between his buttocks. “Close your eyes then, don’t look at me…”

Reita’s cock was heavy with blood when he lifted it upright and began to gently rub the tip against his ass. It had been a very long time since he had been fucked by anyone, but he remembered how it had felt as if it was yesterday.

“Taka, what are you doing?” he mumbled into the other’s cheek, gaining a mouthful of dreadlocks for his trouble. “What are you doing… what… oh fuck…”

Incredible pressure grasped at the tip of his erection and was gone again, returning a second later, then gone, then back but this time it was a little more intense as inch after inch of his arousal was forced into Ruki’s body as the vocalist eased himself down.

He fought the dreadlocks out of Ruki’s face, finally finding his eyes tightly shut and wincing at each movement. “Oh shit… oh…“

His hands walked backwards down Reita’s chest to push himself upright, sinking lower each time until Reita was completely inside of him. Ruki’s body felt ready to explode, the acute sting of skin being stretched beyond it’s normal limit coupled with the pressure on his already sensitive insides was everything he remembered it to be and more. This time though, there was love for the man underneath him, not just lust and alcohol.

A tiny whimper crept from Reita as he reached up to run his hands down Ruki’s smooth stomach as the singer rested completely still for a second, straddling him, being fucked by him. And then Ruki began to move, leaning against Reita’s chest for support and rocking forwards and backwards slowly.

“Feel good?” Ruki whispered, flexing his knees a little more to gain momentum and height, Reita’s dazed expression and breathy answer sufficient to let him disregard the pain and care only for the other’s pleasure.

“Y-yes… oh…”

“From now on…” Ruki winced again as Reita’s hands grasped his buttocks, fingers digging into the soft flesh and pulling him down a little more forcefully. “It’s like this… we’re equal…”

The girl was forgotten.
The deceit was forgotten.
The lies were forgotten.
The years of denial.
Uruha’s sister…

All forgotten, all meaningless. He was fucking Ruki and the weight of his body pressing down on him was drawing his approaching orgasm out in long, sweet strokes. He gripped harder at the other’s ass, adding his own short upward thrusts, the sensations reaching their pinnacle. He sat up and hugged Ruki to him as orgasm hit, rocking backwards and forwards slowly with his face flat against Ruki’s chest.

The singer wrapped his own two arms just as tightly back around Reita’s neck, kissing the top of his head with a smile.

“From now on, you can only be one thing.”

“What’s that, Ruki?”

“Mine.”

Clowns & Jokers 9

Sun, 25 Nov 2007 19:50:08 GMT

Chapter 9

Professional Expertise was how Ueda had phrased it. Kimura’s wealth of Gazette knowledge and not to mention her new position within PSC’s public relations department had meant it was only right she accompany the band and their staff on the trip. He’d glared at the back of her head for most of the flight to Frankfurt, slouched in his full length reclining seat - very comfortable actually - and then all the way through passport control as if it were her immediate fault that the immigration officer was reluctant to stamp his documents. An interesting experience for their translator to explain that this light brown haired mess of dreadlocks and sunglasses was the same as the blonde on his passport photo. They’d managed it though and thankfully, Ruki had been let into Europe for the second time in as many years.

He’d slept on the bus which carried them from the airport to their hotel in Bonn, a large creamy yellow building that took way too long to check into for Ruki’s liking. Wandering around the lobby in a sleepy daze before finally laying full length on the nearest leather sofa half hidden by a plant. Not knowing how long he’d been asleep, he woke up in a hotel room cold from the air conditioning - just how he liked it; underwear still on but no shirt or belt or jeans.

A knock on the door and a call, “Matsumoto are you going to sleep all morning? Come on we’re going out for a walk!”

He stumbled to the door, scratching his damned head as he went. They were still killing him, the dreadlocks, but he was slowly getting used to the change of image.

“Walking? Why? Where?” He blinked in the bright morning light at his reflection in Aoi’s dark glasses. “What time is it? How long have I been asleep?”

Aoi laughed at him, hooking his thumbs through the belt loops on his jeans and taking a very casual stance, eyeing the small singer’s near nakedness up and down. “It’s nearly ten am, you fell asleep in the lobby last night when we got here. Ueda carried you to your room..”

“Who took my clothes off?” he rubbed his eyes, someone had taken his contact lenses out too. Had he really been that tired?

“Suzuki” Aoi leaned against the door frame, lazily pulling his shades down to look over the top of them. “He’s still in bed though.” He gestured outside at the bright sunshine, “It’s a beautiful day, in a beautiful city… are you coming?”

Ruki pointed to his hair, running his fingers through the natural parts at the front.

“I’m way too conspicuous. And anyway, I assume she’s going with you to fritter away more fucking money. I don’t want to spend any more time with that woman than I have to.. Fucking bitch.” To which Aoi shrugged and wandered away, finding someone else to annoy with his early morning lack of jet lag.

Ruki closed the door and leaned his forehead against the fire evacuation instructions which he didn’t understand. So, it had been Reita who had stripped him of his travel creased clothes and readied him for bed. He wandered back into the room, noticing for the first time just how big it actually was; the bed was huge for a start, more than a double and there were slippers and a robe still wrapped up on the un-slept on side. On the desk someone had left a copy of the daily itinerary, the plan of action. He picked it up and switched the little kettle on before noticing it didn’t actually have any water in it.

“Wouldn’t get that back home..” he grumbled, opening the small fridge to look for water, remembering warnings about tap water in Europe. Evian in his tea! Whatever next..

“There’s no tea!” He was shocked; opening every little package next to the cups he sniffed his way though them all, finding chocolate, coffee and something herbal perhaps but no tea, not even black.

“That’s just… wrong!” He knew Germany would be different, but this wasn’t a good start to his day. Settling for coffee, even though he’d have preferred it iced with syrup, he decided to email the absent bassist and thank him for helping his sleeping body be more comfortable. But picking up his phone, Ruki was in for another rather nasty shock. No signal, no network, nothing.

“You are fucking kidding me!” he scrolled through to network selection, not finding any of the ones his phone company had assured him would be available in Europe. “I fucking hate this phone! I should have gotten a new one when I said I was going to.” Luckily for the phone as it was close to being thrown across the room a knock on the door interrupted the grumbling rant to self.

He pushed his feet into the white hotel slippers, amazed that they’d even bothered to supply such a thing and grabbed the robe, which of course completely drowned him. A quick glance on tip-toes through the spy hole gave him a view of the back of a familiar striped blonde head. And when he opened the door, he could have kissed Reita but for all the wrong reasons. For clasped daintily between his finger and thumb was the one thing Ruki craved.

“I brought you some tea” he dropped the two little square packets into Ruki’s open palm and then shoved his now redundant hands in his pockets. “How’re you feeling? You sure slept long enough..”

Ruki opened the door a little wider, letting Reita through and then closing it after him.

“You packed tea, I’m shocked. I never knew you were this organised.” He tipped the coffee granules into the bin, wiping the cup with his fingers and opening one of the familiar little sachets. As the kettle continued it’s slow boil, Ruki wandered over to the window and pulled the long sheer curtains to one side.

“I have my moments” Reita gave a little bow with his smile before running his fingers through freshly washed hair. “Are you going to get dressed at some point soon? We have that press conference thing just after lunch which we have to get ready for… What are you staring at?”

“Look, down there..” Fans. As Reita moved to stand next to him, Ruki put his arm around the bassists shoulders and gave him a squeeze, the two men watching the two or three girls being moved along by one of the hotel staff three floors down.

“Shiroyama went out for a walk; they might chase him if they see him” Ruki mused, not letting his arm fall from Reita’s neck.

Reita turned to lean against the window, his back pressed against the glass and he pulled Ruki a little bit closer, folding his arms around the singer’s waist. “More like he’ll chase them. Take pictures of me! Attention!! I need it now! You know what he’s like…”

He breathed deeply, telling himself inside to calm the fuck down. There had been many moments like these between May and July where he and Ruki had been so close; sometimes a kiss, sometimes just a hug. He hadn’t minded that Ruki had held his hand most of the way to Germany, he knew it was probably for Kimura’s sake to piss her off, but it was contact with the dreadlocked singer and that was what he craved more than his pride remaining intact.

“Are you nervous Akira?” Ruki placed one hand palm flat against Reita’s chest, “Your heart is beating really fast.” Grasping the black patterned shirt Reita was wearing he stared past the bassist and back down to the street where a white taxi had just pulled up. She got out, complete with many bags from yet another shopping expedition and oh, what perfect timing, she just happened to look up.

He could be a manipulative little bastard when he wanted to be, this being one of those times. Ruki let go of Reita’s shirt and slid his hands around behind the bassist, positioning a timely one fingered salute at her as she looked up at them, Reita‘s striped hair a perfect give-away as to just who it was in the window. Ruki pulled himself up as tall as he could, it was the one annoying thing about kissing Reita on foot - the height difference. And yes, kissed him. Pressed his closed lips against Reita’s before slowly parting them to deepen the sentiment a little with a touch of his tongue.

Reita’s hands found their own way up Ruki’s back, messing through his hair bound tight at the nape before wandering down to tentatively cup his buttocks through the white towelling robe. His mind was racing nearly as fast as his pulse, was this the right thing to do? Was this a good time or place? He needed his mind clear for the press conference, not full of thoughts of the man who’d be sitting next to him… knee touching knee under the table, maybe hand over hand…

“Fuck it… push me away, do what ever, just let me touch you.” He all but picked the petite singer up and carried him the two steps to the bed, pawing at the belt which held his robe closed tight. He needed skin, needed more than the teasing glimpse from the layered V at his throat. The robe gave way surprisingly easily, and it was all there, the way Ruki’s body arched up from the sheets, lips slightly parted and.. Oh! They were still moist with his own saliva. Reita had forgotten just how well his hands moulded to this body, his kisses finding their way past Ruki’s navel in no hurry to stop; sliding the vocalist’s underwear slowly away from his waist.

In return, Ruki strained his hips high in the air, skin tingling under the long needed touch of strong bass-playing fingers. His heels dug into the soft comforter, and he let Reita’s name fall from his parted lips in a soft whimper as his the bassists mouth closed over the tip of his eager erection. Suckling gently, curious digits creeping around his naked buttocks to tease between them as he had done all those months ago in Ruki’s childhood bedroom in Yokohama.

“Akira.. So good… Oh fuck…” The series of near euphoric moans laced with many contorted syllables of English were the vocalisation of his pleasure and as Reita’s head bobbed up and down, his swirling tongue and massaging lips just pushed Ruki to the limit of what he could take and he released with the loudest call of all.

“AKIRA… ahh!!!”

She stood poised, her perfectly manicured fingertips curled up to form a most feminine fist, ready to knock on the door and tell them to stop what it was more than obvious they were doing. Embarrassed? Yes, she was a little. The rather vocal vocalist’s moans and cries were enough to arouse even the most austere of souls, hers included. She didn’t need to use much imagination to figure out what was going on in that room.

The owner of the approaching footsteps made sure he was quieter than quiet, creeping up on her and reaching towards her turned shoulder with his own perfectly manicured hand.

“And just what are you doing listening at that door Hana?” Uruha, leant against the wall behind her, his arms crossed over his chest staring at her through dark glasses. She smoothed her dark blue jacket down a little and coughed politely into the raised hand.

“Uruha” (yes, business as usual) “Shouldn’t you be getting ready?” She stepped away from the door, ignoring his comment and blatantly ignoring the last of the dying moans from inside the room.

“Should I? Perhaps I’ll check with our Manager. Who is not you any more, so keep your bitchy, prying nose out!” He rocked a little on his crossed legs, smiling sweetly at her as only a younger brother who knew he had the upper hand could.

“Manager or not, it’s my responsibility to make sure…”

“Oh can it woman! Just listen to yourself for once.” He lunged for her shoulder, making her yelp a little as he pushed her back against Ruki’s door with a thud. “You have no idea the hurt you caused, both of you! At least Suzuki has shown remorse and they’re finally trying to get their lives back on track. Let them be happy.” He grasped a handful of her jacket lapels and bunched it up into a fist held close to her throat. “Just because you live in a relationship full of lies and deceit, doesn’t mean everyone else has to.”

The sound of a very distinctive voice making it’s way down the corridor towards them made him release his hold on the small woman and he even straightened out her clothes for her before Aoi and the few crew members he’d gone for his stroll with appeared around the corner.

The dark haired guitarist waved the others on and stopped at Uruha, slinging his arms roughly around the blonde’s shoulders and looking over his shoulder curiously at the small family gathering.

“What’s going on? You listening at the door again huh ‘Shima?” he grinned, planting a friendly kiss on the other’s cheek. To which Uruha turned in his grasp and kissed him as if he’d not seen the other in a month. Not content with just pressing their lips together, he kissed Aoi with all that he had, the realisation suddenly coming to him that it wasn't just the sex, he really liked this...

She could not believe what her eyes were telling her. Her shocked expression was more than enough for a thousand words, mouth slowly dropping open, eyes wide and staring. She gasped for breath like a koi out of water, leaning against Ruki’s still closed door for support as words escaped her.

Aoi too was somewhat amazed, not that he minded, it was after all tour time which by Uruha’s rules meant sex was more than allowed, it was encouraged. But in the corridor? In front of their traitorous ex-manager, Uruha’s sister, who they’d kept things secret from for all this time?

“What was that for?” he gasped, catching his breath from the earth shattering kiss; Uruha’s hands having found their way to his denim clad backside and not moving.

“Just… because. Come on, let’s go. There’s a bad smell around here.”

The second before she was out of sight, still fuming with outrage at this new piece of news, Uruha turned and called to her.

“Hey! Kimura!” With middle finger raised and a winning smile he saluted her GazettE style. “Fuck you!”

Clowns & Jokers 8

Sun, 25 Nov 2007 19:48:21 GMT

Chapter 8

Yokohama, 2006.04.22

Kai loved his drums, he really did. Especially the bass drum and especially this one in particular. He loved the picture and the ‘Scream of Pleasure’ slogan Ruki had designed for him; that had been a ‘no hard feelings’ gesture if ever there was one, but Kai didn’t care because he sure did love those drums.

He didn’t like it when someone hurt them, abused them with a scuffed boot, no. That just wasn’t acceptable behaviour. And so, during one of the Yokohama shows when Reita decided to kick the side of his bass drum so hard it shifted a good few centimetres to the left he was not a happy Kai.

“What the hell was that for?” he’d chased the bassist off stage at the end of the first act, demanding an explanation. “Why are you in such a shitty mood tonight?”

Reita glared at him, pulling his jacket and shirt off and throwing them both menacingly down on the floor.

“Why don’t you ask him?” he pointed the cigarette that had appeared in his hand at a hot and sweaty Uruha who was doing pretty much the same, taking off his nice stage gear to change into a nicer and more comfortable Tshirt.

Uruha shrugged his clothes off, wiping his sweat drenched back with a towel before sitting heavily on the nearest chair. He folded the towel over and drew it up and down his arms, both equally covered in perspiration. “What have I done?”

“It’s not just you,” Reita sneered, “It’s him too. You’re doing it to piss me off aren’t you?”

Ruki peeled his sweat drenched jacket off and hung it solemnly on a hanger before turning his back to them all and doing the same with his shirt. He’d seen the moment with the drums and he knew damn well what it was about but he wasn’t going to give Reita the satisfaction of mentioning it first, he’d let him say what was on his mind and then comment.

“I’m lost, will someone please tell me what’s going on? We go back on stage in ten minutes, no make that eight and I want whatever it is resolved before then!” Kai pointed at Reita, “You, speak and make it good.”

Reita spluttered the words out in his anger, “Fucking Silly God Disco! They were all over each other on stage, I bet you fucking loved it didn’t you Takashima? I saw you smiling, did you get a hard on in those little purple shorts of yours? Yeah I bet you did.” He sucked furiously on his cigarette, lighting the tip up with a bright glow before casting his angry words towards the singer. “And you. You’ve done nothing but treat me like shit for two months. Yeah fair enough I fucked up, I know I did.”

Ruki turned to him, Tshirt on his arms but not quite over his head, ready to start arguing back. Reita cut his first kanji right in half, before he could even finish deciding what to say.

“Don’t give me the ‘I’m so holy’ act, Taka. I’m fucking sick of it! You know how much I still fucking love you and you just keep rubbing it in my face that you don’t give a shit about me anymore. Practically giving him a lap dance on stage is the last straw, I’ve had it with the both of you! I can‘t do this anymore.” He slumped down at the nearest mirror, staring at his reflection, watching the room’s reflection closely.

Uruha was ready now, ready for the encore and ready for a fight. Ok, yes Ruki had danced with him during his solo - well Ruki’s idea of dancing had never been a conventional one and ok yes, it had turned out more like seduction than anything else. But there was no meaning behind it, no ulterior motive, nothing; just a bit of fan service for the crowd and nothing more.

“You’re wrong, Suzuki. You’re so, so wrong” he began to smile his You couldn’t possibly accuse me of anything remotely gay smile when he too was stopped by another.

“Is he? You were practically begging me to fuck you last night and now you act like nothing happened!” Aoi too had had enough of the Ruki and Uruha fan service marathon that seemed to be in full flow since the sabbatical. He could only cope with seeing Ruki lick that damn guitar so many times before he began to wonder just where else Uruha would like Ruki’s tongue to visit. He looked around him at the three very surprised faces, suddenly acutely aware of what he’d just said.

“Oh come on! Don’t act like you didn’t suspect it! You all know what’s been going on, it has been ever since Osaka last year.”

“Please.. I was not begging you for sex..” Uruha ran a flustered hand through his hair, teasing the bleached tips with anxiety, “This isn’t about us Shiroyama,” he hissed, “Don’t change the subject.”

Ruki was silent, slipping the Tshirt over his head unnoticed and sitting quietly next to Reita as his hair was restyled into neatness by the assistant. He didn’t care about the ongoing argument that Aoi and Uruha were having, they could quite happily fuck each other until their asses were numb - it didn’t matter to him. What did matter was right there next to him with his arms folded firmly over his chest.

Obediently he waited for his fringe to be dried and straightened and made good once more, all the time keeping one eye strategically focussed on Reita, running over and over in his mind what he wanted to say. So many things, so many words needed to be shared between them. Civil words too, not the shouting and anger that they’d recently traded. It had to be good; it had to be now. Ruki knew that if he didn’t swallow his damn pride and admit a few truths, there would be no going back and he’d lose his friend for good.

“I’m sorry,” he began carefully, taking his time to make sure he used the correct words to convey his sentiments appropriately. “The other week, at the photo shoot, I acted like an idiot and I’m sorry.” Yeah, letting him think things were on their way back up and then insulting him were not character traits Ruki usually displayed. It was deceitful and downright low and he knew it.

“Don’t worry about it; it was stupid of me to think anything of it.”

They watched each other with reticence as the argument behind them blew strongly for a while before eventually fizzling out as it ran it’s course.

“You were! I’m sick of this shit, Shima. You can’t have it both ways. You can’t want me then not then want then not again. Your family sure has fucked up morals.”

“Don’t bring my family into this!”

“Why the fuck not? You never told her about us, did you? Letting those two take the shit for Osaka when it was all your fucking doing in the first place!”

“It was not all my doing, you didn’t try very hard to stop me, did you!”

“No, but it was your idea to dress up as them; your idea to suck me off!”

Reita caught Ruki’s eye in the mirror and raised his one visible eyebrow, mouthing the words they’d both just heard.

Dressed up as us? What the fuck?

Ruki shrugged and stifled a smirk, wondering which one of them had tried to squeeze into his clothes. He cast his mind back to that night in Osaka, that wonderful hotel they’d stayed in and the overheard conversation in the hotel corridor. He stuck his tongue firmly in his cheek and with the appropriate hand motion imitated the act of oral sex. This time it was Reita’s turn to try and not smile.

“Hey Takashima, do you still swallow?” Ruki called out, his voice polite and questioning. However, it was the end for Reita. He laughed, loud like he’d not laughed in a long long time, before remembering himself and trying unsuccessfully to regain his inner calm.

“Yes, he does” was Aoi’s quick response which did well to earn him a punch in the stomach from Uruha, both of them unable to resist joining in with Reita’s infectious merriment.

It had been a long time since all five of them had laughed like this, too long in all truth. Kai knew it and the others knew it too. Lack of laughter, it had affected their spark, the certain something that had kept them together through the good and the bad and it was about time they clawed it back. And so, Kai stood up, as always motioning them to join together in a huddle.

“We’re stronger than we know, nothing stops us, no-one hinders us.” He tightened his grip on Ruki’s and Uruha’s shoulders, “Suck it in boys, and remember - Even monkeys fall from trees.”

Various nods, solemn agreements with the proverb, Kai’s words wiser than his years and proving once again why he was the leader.

They broke, Aoi’s continued shouts disappearing out to the stage with Uruha and Kai. Ruki held Reita’s bandana in his hands, turning it over and over before handing it across, smiling rather sheepishly.

“I don’t want to fight with you any more, Aki. I can’t forget what you did but.. Please, let’s try again,“ their fingers brushed as Reita took the scarf from him, the brief contact gently fanning the dying embers inside his heart, “Friends?”

“You mean it?” Reita took the scarf, tying it around his face. The cheers of the crowd were more than clear meaning Kai had retaken his place on stage; Reita only had a minute at the most before he too would have to face the bright lights again.

“I mean it” he lurched forward into an impromptu hug, grasping Reita tightly to him for a second before quickly letting go and stepping back. “You should go” he said awkwardly, turning one of his rings slowly around on his finger, relieving his nerves through the momentum of silver on skin.

Reita just smiled and raised his fist.

“Rock!”

2006.5.7, Tokyo

I must have fallen asleep.

Reita blinked, looking around himself uneasily as he rubbed his hand across his face. Aoi was slouched next to him, the telltale white of iPod headphones in his ears, playing his acoustic guitar randomly to what ever it was he was listening to. There was no sign of Ruki or Uruha but Kai’s whereabouts were blatantly obvious. The rhythmic monotony of drumming assaulted his ears, passionate, energetic and almost angry were the rolls and fills; soaring loud and fast then falling to a soothing cymbal crescendo finale.

He pulled his jacket a little tighter around his shoulders, the chill of just waking up finding his bare arms underneath. Posing a question more to himself than anyone else, he leant forward to retrieve cigarettes from the table.

“What’s wrong with Yuta?”

“Nothing’s wrong with Yutaka, well not that I know of” Kai sauntered in, voicing a reply to Reita’s question. “Do you mean the drumming?” He singled out a bottle of water to uncap and drink from, leaning against the make up table. “It’s Matsumoto. He asked nicely and being the generous and giving type I didn’t have a problem with it. He just said he’d not played for such a long time he wanted to see if he still had it in him.. Akira? Where are you going?”

Aoi glanced up and shrugged at him.

“Was it something I said?”

Reita found himself approaching the stage with a certain hesitancy that he didn’t expect. The drumming continued as before, emotive beyond comparison; Ruki was pouring a lot more than just brute aggression into that performance. He stood in the wings, watching; Ruki’s brow furrowed with concentration, his face flushed from the exertion.

It was pouring out of him, all the repressed sentiment and ferocity that he’d been harbouring for so long; sticks flying as he conducted his own therapeutic resonance, the ride swelling and then breaking into silence to mark the end, Ruki holding the cymbal gently between finger and thumb.

Ruki looked up when he heard the applause as he didn’t think anyone was watching him, he broke into and embarrassed smile that quickly dissipated when he saw who his audience was.

“No matter how much I think I know you” Reita relinquished his place in the shadows, stepping out onto the stage. He noted the disappearing smile but didn’t let it worry him. “You never fail to amaze me, over and over again.”

“Do I?” Ruki watched him as he walked a slow and meandering path across the stage, his fingers finding every piece of equipment that was his. Caressing the amplifiers and head unit, bumping his digits over each individual plectrum and casually stroking his microphone stand. Reita still had it, there was no denying that; the inherent ability to lock Ruki’s focus on him and him alone and stir his insides into a frothy mess of mixed passions.

He lay the drum sticks down on Kai’s snare and wound his way around to the front of the drums to sit on the steps which joined stage to riser.

Ruki studied the floor to aid his thoughts, things which had been laying heavy on his mind for a week or more. Piecing the shambles of a question together he managed something coherent from the soup which was his heart. “Did you mean it? When you said you still loved me, did you really mean it?”

“Yes, I meant it… “ the longhair in front of his eyes was enough to hide behind for now, “I still do.” Reita went to him then and made the same step his seat, the apology burning fiercely behind his veiled eyes. He needed Ruki to know, especially now, on this night in this city, how his heart craved for the love only Ruki could give him.

“I’ve said it a hundred times but I’ll say it again, I’m sor..”

A lone finger still against his lips, pressing the words away. Ruki knew how this went; he’d heard it every time Reita has said it, every time it knocked another brick from his wall. And now, the mortar was loose and crumbling, the wall was finally falling down. There was no more room for sorry, apologies enough had been laid out and regret had settled over them both.

The end of the deceit was now.

Ruki’s fingers that had silenced the ‘sorry’ found solace in similar blonde hair, and his lips found those long forgotten to him. He needed Reita, so strong was the desire to touch him again, the command shouted out by the pulse shouting in his ears. He couldn’t hold his breath any longer, this kiss meant so much, more than their first kiss all those months ago ever could have imagined. It wasn’t just lips on lips, tongue sliding over tongue, it was the end and the beginning all over again. His heart would win this battle - his pride would just have to accept the way things were meant to be. Ruki and Reita, together, in love.

High up above, higher than the furthest seat, slender fingers found the switches for motion, filling the hall with the soft light of a hundred reflections from mirrored glass. Bathing those on the stage with their shimmer. His accomplice behind him, arms wrapped around his waist and head on his shoulder.

“I think I’m going to be sick.”

“Shut up, Shiroyama and kiss me before I change my mind.”

Uruha tilted his head to one side, accepting his fate and Aoi’s lips at the same time.

Clowns & Jokers 7

Sun, 25 Nov 2007 19:47:36 GMT

Chapter 7

Nagoya, 06.04.06

Thursday, what’s the point in Thursdays anyway? Not quite the weekend but too far gone to be midweek still. It’s pointless, really pointless. First live back today, at least the weather’s nice. Not that we’ll see too much of that. Why am I even trying to write this like I care?

Ruki stopped typing, the update to his personal journal taking a back seat for the moment as he idly sat and watched the movements around him. Uruha was reading a stack of letters from fans, carefully turning each one over in his hands and examining each and every last kanji. He’d place them to the side in two piles, one to be thrown away and one that he might want to reply to at some point.

He didn’t know how the guitarist managed it, reading all of those letters in such detail. The same things, over and over again, it drove Ruki half mad! And just lately too, there were so many of them complaining and moaning; fans bitching at fans about this and that. Why they felt the need to write to him about it he didn’t know! He tapped on the laptop keyboard again, spelling out:

Why can’t they all just fucking get along? Surely they’ve all got one thing in common - US. Why do they have to be so immature about who liked Gazette longer and who..

“Because some of them are immature” He didn’t know how long Kai had been standing behind him, but the drummer now rested his chin on the back of Ruki’s chair, apparently reading his diary. “It’s a fact of life I guess.” Hesitantly Kai laid his hands on Ruki’s shoulders, squeezing them gently. He lowered his voice to a suitable level.

“How are you doing? I mean, you and Akira?”

“There is no Akira.” Ruki closed his laptop and rolled his head backwards, looking up at Kai at a very odd angle. “And I sometimes wonder if there’s even a Takanori any more.”

Kai held Ruki’s shoulders, hugging him as best he could without it looking too obvious. He glanced over at Reita, sitting with his head slumped forward on his chest and the fur edged hood of his jacket half hiding his sleeping features. It was hard to believe what had happened but Kai had decided that things needed to get back to normal as quickly as possible. There were too many things on the line at that moment in time to let relationships get in the way and that was why he’d unofficially told Aoi and Uruha to not talk about it and he wouldn’t either. They would keep quiet, be supportive and sympathetic when necessary and only talk about non-affectionate things.

All in all, that was easy enough for Uruha. Sister? Hana? She was someone he didn’t want to acknowledge actually existed at this present time. He hadn’t told their parents, he hadn’t told her husband and he hadn’t told the management. He just wanted to not think about his friend and his sister having sex. Not now, not ever; silent denial was perfectly fine with him.

Problem was, he couldn’t bring himself to talk to Reita either. He’d not said more than a couple of words to him since they had reconvened for a couple of days of practice before heading out to Nagoya. It had been very quiet and subdued, those who knew of what had happened were few and far between. Other than the band, their producer and Ueda, drum technician come newly appointed manager - who really, had been the heart and soul of the band’s staff for so long it made perfect sense to give him the appropriate title - no one knew. Their reluctance to talk and the omission of the usual light-hearted intervals between songs were passed off as nothing more than the serious desire to work.

Kai had made a point of saying that they needed to get back on form quickly - they wouldn’t be able to pass the Budokan off with a second rate show, too much had been invested in that one night to let it go to waste with a shoddy performance. He tried to convince himself that it was for the best, it was the only way to continue as a band and to make things work out ok. Ruki and Reita would just have to sort their problems out after the tour, it was going to be hard but they would just have to grin and bear it.

18.17...

Ruki had lost track of time, he’d been ignoring Reita now for the best part of an hour. He’d acquired, or rather stolen Uruha’s blue guitar and was strumming away playing nothing in particular, even though his own instrument was right next to him. There was something about the blue one that he liked, he didn’t know what, maybe it was because he knew it irked Uruha when he used it.

The bassist had hardly moved, ready for the stage he sat staring at the floor, pressing his fingers together, twisting them this way and that. Aoi near him on the stairs, he was playing but no one seemed to be listening. It was a subdued room, Kai’s constant yawning not helping to lift the atmosphere.

It was Reita who finally broke the silence, rocking backwards a little but he didn’t look up.

“Do you guys hate me?” His guilt more than present in his body language, Reita hung his head knowing that his apology was long overdue. There hadn’t been a good time, would there ever be though? A ripe opportunity for the magnitude of apology that Reita needed to get off his chest just wasn’t going to present itself. He looked up, hoping to catch Ruki’s eye but the singer looked away at that moment, his blankness replaced by a sneer of disgust.

“Suzuki we don’t have to talk about this now, save it for later.” Kai looked over his shoulder at him, really wishing that he would shut up. He glanced over to Ruki and then Uruha, trying to gauge their reaction to this comment. Both had similar contempt filled expressions; Reita was going to have to work hard for their forgiveness without a doubt.

“I need to say it,” he glared at himself more than anything and continued. “I’m truly sorry for what’s happened. I..”

Ruki cut him off, putting Uruha’s guitar down and reaching for his cigarettes. “You should have thought of that before you slept with Kimura.” He hissed, not caring what it might start.

“You don’t think I know that!” Reita came right back at him; he didn’t need telling, not again. “I know it was stupid.”

“And disgusting and cheap and fucking low and…” Ruki could continue all night, because he had infinite insults and a whole armoury of abuse at his disposal purposely saved up for the moment Reita decided he wanted to talk.

Reita’s fingertips dug into his palms, fists forming to disperse the anger which he felt. He bit his lip, not wanting to say what he wanted to say but he couldn’t stop it from happening.

“If you hadn’t been so wound up with Harugin, none of this would have ever happened!”
Reita blurted his own accusation, the one which had been brewing since the moment Ruki hadn’t shown up in Disorder that night. “If you’d paid a bit more attention to us and not your stupid fucking jewellery we’d still be together now!”

Ruki stood in an instant, stepping to him and facing up as best he could with his height disadvantage. Reita sprung to his feet too, both of them ready to strike.

“Do not blame me for this,” Ruki started, his voice pained for it wasn’t him who had spoilt things, was it? “Do not try and pass this onto me, Akira!”

“You can’t just fucking use me on tour and the minute we’re home ignore me and pretend you’re straight!”

Aoi glared at Uruha; the look did not go unnoticed and the blonde guitarist lowered his eyes. That comment had been a little too close to home for his liking. It was worried looks which Kai traded in; he knew sides weren’t to be taken, it wouldn’t be right for him to intervene..

“Ok, ok, enough you two.” Ueda had no such scruples; he parted them with an arm a piece and moved them a safer distance apart.

“Why don’t you two just kiss and make up?” And the moment he’d let the words fall from his newly promoted lips, he knew it was a mistake, Ruki rearing up against the arm across his chest.

“It was kissing the wrong fucking people that fucked things up to start with!” Ueda’s arm holding him back and now, Uruha too had stepped up to take his shoulders and help diffuse things. His arms tight around Ruki, it might have been mistaken for a hug in the wrong circles.

Uruha wanted to join this little discussion, “Suzuki, just leave him alone won’t you? You’ve done enough lately… just leave it out.”

“How would you like it?” Aoi now, standing at Reita’s shoulder, “If you’re treated like shit the minute the fucking tour bus is back in the garage?”

Where did that come from? Kai looked up, not sure who was arguing with who any more. The daggers which Aoi was shooting at Uruha were perfectly matched to those between the singer and the bassist. He looked from one pair to the other, Uruha and Ruki; Aoi and Reita and picked up his phone, sending off a quick email.

I told you relationships in the band were a bad idea! Come and save me! <(T_T<)

“Ok! Lights up ten minutes.. Eh? What’s going on in here?” The producer, a small unassuming guy, pushed the door open and walked right into the thick of it. “Come on guys,“ he said, his voice taking on an almost pleading tone, “Please quit messing around. It’s lights up in a moment, come on.” He touched Uruha’s elbow, moving him towards the door. “You too, come on.” Taking the singer as well, he ushered them out of the room towards the darkness of the stage wings.

Aoi slipped his arm around Reita’s shoulders and gave him a supportive squeeze. If it came to taking sides, he’d be with Reita. Aoi knew all too well how shitty it felt to be used and thrown away. He glared at the back of the quickly disappearing guitarist and hugged a bit tighter.

Kai’s phone flashed. What now? Not more drama? \(>o<)/

“Yes, Nao.” He sighed as he stood up, following the other four out to the waiting, baying crowd. “More drama.”

A bamboo forest somewhere between Kyoto and Osaka, 06.04.10

I don’t know who’s idea this was but what made anyone think I’m to be trusted with a fucking katana? I could quite happily exact some revenge with this beauty. Fans still bitching. I’m going to write something on the home page. I’m sick of my inbox being full of the same moaning crap day after day. DELETE DELETE DELETE!!

“Ruki!”

He looked up from his laptop, not aware that he was needed at that precise moment. He’d done his one on one photos and it surely wasn’t time for the group shots yet?

“Yes?” He squinted through his oversized shades at the figure waving at him from across the photo shoot set. It was one of the random photographer’s assistants who he didn’t know and didn’t really want to listen to. But obedient as he was, he shut his laptop and replaced his backside on the chair with it.

Ruki pushed his hands deep into the pockets of his black coat and wandered over to where the girl was. “Do you need me?” He glanced over to see who was being photographed at that precise moment. It wasn’t him and it wasn’t Kai because they’d gone first and second.

It was Reita. And oh! For all the sleeveless jackets and leather straps in the world, Ruki’s heart leapt at the sight of him in a suit. A plain pin-striped suit, exactly the same as the one he was wearing himself. He all but stroked the photographers’ laptop, forgetting it all for a split second and realising the stark truth that he was still very much in lo…

“Ruki! Are you ok?” The assistant stared at him, her clipboard held close to her chest. “You didn’t answer. Is that going to be alright?” She smiled at him; she didn’t know what was going on in his head, did she?

“Uh sorry, what?” He couldn’t stop staring, his train of thought pierced only by the hum and flash of the camera. The photographer stepped out from behind his camera and moved Reita’s arm, telling him to touch his face a little, look sexy.

“Is it ok for when we do the group shots inside that you sit on a cushion?” She repeated carefully; not wanting to ask the question once let alone twice. “We need to make sure you’re all at the same height and realised that…” She trailed off, not finishing the sentence and hoped the singer would get the idea.

“Yeah, sure whatever.” He flapped her away, watching now as Reita finished off his individual pictures. He looked bored and thoroughly bemused with having his photo taken all the damn time. Not like Aoi and especially Uruha who down right loved it, posing for all they were worth. No, Reita was never too bothered with photo shoots and usually spent most of his time messing about and getting into trouble.

As he stood there, the shoot was over and Reita walked over to him, lighting up a cigarette. Maybe now, Reita thought, would be a good time to talk. Try and explain a few things, try and make some ground.

“Alright?” He stood next to Ruki, looking at the laptop screen as the pictures were scrolled past by the assistant.

“No, I’m not alright.” He murmured, slouching further forward into the black jacket he was wearing over his own suit and watching the pictures flash past. Ruki, Kai, Uruha, Reita…

“What’s wrong? Pictures not to your liking?” He tapped the ash into a paper cup, hugging his arms around his body. This was progress at least, they were talking, sharing words and none of them had been said in anger yet.

It wasn‘t to last, Ruki‘s temper flared up and he spat words at Reita loud enough to make the assistant jump. “It’s not the fucking pictures, Reita! It’s you being near me! I can’t stand it any more!!”

He stalked off past the crew, past the refreshments and disappeared into the bamboo, his boots leaving a soft trail of flattened grass as he went.

“I’ll go after him.” Uruha stood up and began to follow where Ruki had melted into the green pillars.

But he was stopped by a hand to the shoulder as Reita pushed past him, “No, I’ll go. I should talk to him, not you. We’ve got to get this out in the open, once and for all.”

Ruki wasn’t sure how far he’d walked, just so long as he couldn’t hear the whirr-beep-click of the camera lens any more or the voices of those he worked with. As it happened, he couldn’t hear much of anything, the silence of the forest overwhelming. It sang to him, it’s creaking wind whistled tune, leaves somewhere high above him topping off the dense green labyrinth. It was a prison to Ruki, bars holding him to something his sense of pride would not let him have.

The hand that touched his shoulder made him physically jump and he turned to find Reita, the protagonist of all his pain. He had half a mind to punch him, if only for making him jump.

“Fuck off. No wait,” he glared at Reita, annoyed that his heart flatly refused to stop racing in his chest. “Give me a cigarette and then fuck off.”

“I’m not going anywhere until we talk this thing out.” Reita crossed his arms, planting his feet firmly into the ground and stood. He could wait all day, all week, all year if necessary.

The cigarette didn’t seem very forthcoming and this annoyed Ruki even more. Even more that is, than the realisation that it was happening all over again. His head telling him to hate Reita for what he’d done but his heart trying to rationalise with his mind because of the love that it still felt.

“I don’t want to talk about you having sex with that woman!”

“That’s ok then because neither do I!” He grabbed Ruki’s shoulder again, this time to stop him from walking away. The singer looked down at the hand on his coat and sneered.

“Get off me, if it wasn’t for the fucking photo shoot I’d strangle you with that stupid fucking noseband.”

Ahh, Reita had forgotten about that. He pulled it down, freeing his face; his nose wrinkling at the sudden cool air. “Taka, please, we need to talk. I can’t keep avoiding you for ever. We have to work together at least, if we can’t be friends that is.”

“What makes you think I’d want to be friends with you?! You went behind my back!” Ruki threw the hand off his arm, “You betrayed my trust!” He pulled his fingers through his perfectly styled hair, messing the long fringe to one side. “Please, just leave me alone.” He pushed into Reita, knocking him as he tried to make his way back to civilisation.

“No way. You’re not going anywhere until this is sorted out.”

With the full strength of Reita holding his biceps, Ruki had little chance of getting free however much he struggled. “Get the fuck off me! Akira, I mean it!” Twisting this way and that, the next step would be a kick in the groin if he didn’t let go.

“No, you will fucking listen to me you stubborn bastard!”

Faces mere centimetres apart, breath warm on the others’ skin they held each other’s hearts in their eyes; both could make or break it there and then. Reita traced his index finger along Ruki’s jaw, threading his fingers past his ear and losing them in the warm hair at the back of his head.

“Don’t do this, Aki. Don’t make it any more complicated than it already is.” Ruki stepped back, wanting to escape from what was happening just as much as knowing that he wanted it to happen all the same.

“Taka… I need you, and I know you feel the same way!” He pleaded, he’d have gotten down onto his knees if he thought it would have made any difference. “Don’t lose sight of us because of what happened.” Reita pulled him close and pressed his warm lips against Ruki’s, parting them with his tongue which Ruki instantly accepted. They backed up further until their kisses were interrupted by a sturdy bamboo. Reita’s hands were insistent then, pulling at Ruki’s tie and shirt buttons, kissing pale skin the moment it was uncovered for him. Crouching down he pulled Ruki’s smart trousers open, not bothering with the belt or the buttons and looked up into Ruki’s pale contact lens covered eyes searching for approval.

Ruki was torn, he wanted this so much! Oh the gods! He’d missed it and it hadn’t even been a month. Reita’s mouth, Reita’s blowjobs.. He gave the approval, knowing full well that it wasn’t the clever thing to do - they were only a few meters away from their friends and staff and anyone else who cared to see. Yet still, Ruki unbuttoned his trousers, letting them and the hidden underwear fall to his knees.

If he was going to say anything it was forgotten, lost in the haze of pleasure that drifted up from his groin. It was instant eroticism, like their first time all over again, the danger of something new surrounding them. Ruki dug his fingers into Reita’s stiff hair, pushing his head forward as the pleasure built. On and on he went, his tongue everywhere and his lips everywhere else, goading, teasing, driving the pleasure home. The bamboo groaned in appreciation of the event and the wind only fluttered through the leaves more suggestively.

Ruki winced; he’d not only not had sex for a month, but hadn’t really done anything to himself for that period of time either so Reita got a full twenty-eight-or-so days worth of pent up Ruki energy right down his throat. His breath heaving in and out, all the makeup in Kansai couldn’t hide the pink tinge to his cheeks and chest, Ruki looked down at Reita who was just holding him around the waist.

He bent down to pull his trousers up and remove the clinging Reita. “What are you doing?”

“I was hugging you,” he began slowly, “You know, affection?”

“What the fuck for? I’m still mad at you.” Ruki buttoned his shirt up, and straightened his tie. “This just goes to prove that you’re every bit as easy as I thought you were.”

And for the second time that hour, Reita watched the blonde disappear into the bamboo, his mouth set as a perfectly straight line.

“Well, fuck me!” he exclaimed to the surrounding trees, untying his forgotten noseband to re-affix it. It was then and only then that he noticed something. A stain, on it! Right on the middle of his wrap. “Fucking hell, why me??” He pocketed the material, and turned back to the photo shoot. Not sure of what had just happened or how he would explain his cum-stained facial accessory.

Clowns & Jokers 6

Sun, 25 Nov 2007 19:46:54 GMT

Chapter 6

“How do you know?” Reita’s voice broke the long silence, but he didn’t make any effort to move further into the room. He dug his hands deeper into the pockets of his white leather jacket, hiding his face in the turned up collar. Ruki didn’t speak, didn’t move. And at length, when Reita finally looked up at him from under the peak of his cap, he saw that he was curled up on the futon, hugging his knees tightly to his chest and rocking slowly backwards and forwards.

Reita stepped towards him slowly, afraid that any sudden movements might make him disappear into thin air or worse still, actually get up and walk out. He edged across the room, one step at a time and sat down on the futon next to Ruki.

“Just… just keep away from me. I can smell her all over you.” Ruki looked up at him, his eyes blazing with anger. “You make me sick.”

“Reita…” She hadn’t stopped touching him from the moment they’d gotten off the train. Holding his hand, touching his ass, kissing him over and over again and now here in a faceless hotel room, she was pulling his shirt up and running her nails delicately down his chest. And he too, kissing and exploring her feminine body with his tongue and his fingertips as arousal took over and any rationality was pushed aside by too much alcohol and not enough sense.

“I’m so sorry Taka,” Searching for contact, Reita felt forward, trying to touch Ruki’s leg. “I really messed up, didn’t I?”

“You’re fucking right you messed up!” Ruki pushed his hand away and turned to Reita, suddenly overcome with the emotions that were quickly spiralling out of control and he grasped the other’s jacket, pulling him forward. “Why her Aki? Of all the people on this fucking planet you had to sleep with Kimura!” He’d said he wouldn’t cry for Reita and in Ruki’s mind he wasn’t. Those tears were solely for regret, the pain of realisation that things would never be the same again. “You couldn’t hurt me anymore if you tried.”

She bit down on his shoulder, her arms around his sweat glazed neck, holding them close together as she slowly moved up and down in his lap; still with stockings, still with heels and her skirt pushed carelessly up to her waist. He dug his nails into her buttocks , feeling her slowly taking him from the life and the man he loved.

“Taka,” Reita said slowly, “How…?”

“How do I know?” Ruki pushed him away, releasing his handful of leather jacket standing up as he did so. He scraped both hands through his hair, pulling the tufts hard enough to make his eyes water even more. “I fucking saw you together. I saw you at the station in Shimokita. She looked right into my eyes, Akira… fucking bitch. How…” he sniffed hard, wiping his face on his sleeve, “How am I supposed to love you now when I can’t even look at you without seeing her?”

Their breathing increasing, he scooped her up in his arms and turned around, laying her down on the bed. Coolly pushing her knees apart, he knelt between them and rammed into her hard; over and over again. Him giving the pleasure, him setting the pace, calling the shots. But when he came it was reflex, there was no pleasure in that orgasm only a half felt tingle in his groin and a tense, nervous nagging ache in his gut. And he realised then what it was.

“You love me?” Reita stood too, grabbing Ruki’s hands from his head and holding him steady. The vocalist struggled, twisting and turning his hands to free the grip that had him caught but Reita wasn’t letting go. No, he knew that if he did that would be the end of things there and then. “Why didn’t you say something sooner?”

He couldn’t look at himself, the shame of his actions slowly dawning on him. He’d betrayed Ruki, Uruha would probably never speak to him again either and as for the rest of The Company he would be a pariah. She’d been on the phone for at least ten minutes, having taken the call seconds after he’d rolled off her and hunted for his underwear. It was her husband, Reita was sober enough to figure that one out, and it seemed he was apologising. He curled up in the easy chair and closed his eyes, trying to block out her voice with the darkness. There was nothing to say to each other, nothing to discuss, nothing to do other than face the music… and the guilt.

“It doesn’t matter, none of this really matters. Get the fuck off me!” Ruki brought his knee up, connecting well with Reita’s crotch. His hands were freed instantly as the other bent over coughing out his pain through choked words.

“I… deserved… that… Taka… please.” Reita winced, wanting to look up but knowing he couldn’t move until his testicles withdrew from where-ever it was Ruki had kneed them to.

“Don’t you Taka me!” Ruki spat, “I can’t believe you could do this. I can’t believe you’d fuck someone else… do I mean that little to you?”

He must have fallen asleep. He searched for his phone, not remembering having switched it off. Five AM. Five fucking AM. She was still asleep, tucked up nice and warm in the bed, her expensive life and her expensive husband all ready and waiting to take her back when the daylight came. He pulled on his jacket and without a backwards glance left.

Ruki was numb. His life as he knew it had indeed ended that night. He didn’t know where to go now, which direction he was headed in. Reita had always been there for him as friend or lover and now he could be neither.

“Goodbye Aki. Don’t call me,” He picked up Reita’s usual wallet from the table and flicked through it to retrieve the spare key card he’d given him. “Don’t come near me. Forget that we ever were anything more than just two guys in the same band because, the part of me that was yours…” He sniffed one final time, and pulled himself up a little straighter, a little prouder. Ruki would not lose face, not now, not in front of him. “Just live your life, play your bass and I hope you’re fucking happy with the path you’ve chosen. You‘ve been a great audience, goodnight.”　　

However much he might have wanted to, Ruki didn’t look back as he walked out of Akira’s apartment and out of his life. Taka and Aki were no more; but would Ruki and Reita be able to pull through and come out the other side still together in Gazette?

Buzzzzzzzzz
Buzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
Buzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

“Matsumoto!! We’re going to be late!” Uruha shouted into the intercom, stabbing the call button for Ruki’s apartment with his finger. He felt like shit, too much beer and shouyou the night before with Aoi had left him with the dull ache of a hangover lingering around his head. He felt hazy, like he was staring through soup… hence the taxi waiting patiently by the curb and not his own car. Driving wouldn’t have been a good idea.

“Matsumoto!” He pushed the buzzer again, deciding to leave his finger resting on it indefinitely. If Ruki wasn’t awake, he’d make damn sure someone was. He turned around, resting his back against the wall, finger still pushing the buzzer in time with his thumping headache and his near incoherent chant.

“Ruki ~buzz~ Ruki ~buzz~ Ruki ~buzz~”

“What?” The vocalist pushed the security door open, and lit a cigarette the moment he was in the open air. He was all in black, black knitted hat pulled low down on his head, black jacket, black jeans, black boots. And of course, large dark glasses half covering his face whose lenses faded to a dark red colour near their bottom edge,

“Where the fuck have you been? I’ve been waiting for ever! Don’t you ever answer your phone? Or your door? You’re really irresponsible, Matsumoto, you know that?”

Ruki stared vacantly from behind his glasses. The brother of the woman whom Reita had fucked was apparently having a go at him; that wasn’t a good move, not a good move at all.

“Takashima, I’m going to say this once and I don’t want it ever mentioning ever again. Ever. Understand?” He took a long drag on his cigarette before stubbing it out in the ashtray at the doorside. Uruha, slightly taken aback by the abruptness of his comment, nodded; vaguely aware that Ruki was not his usual self.

“Ok, well… Reita fucked your sister last night and we are not together anymore as a result of this and I’m really fucking mad at him and I might just punch her when I see her next and I feel betrayed and hurt and I really just want to curl up and cry for a week but the show must go on as they say and we have the rest of the tour but when that’s finished I’ll… well I just don’t know what I’ll do then.”

Ruki took a breath, noting Uruha’s open mouth and wide eyes, more than visible behind his own shades. “So if you’re wondering why I’m not in the best of moods today, that’s why. The last thing I need is to be sat on my ass for eight hours with you.” He lunged at Uruha, grabbing the tall blonde’s shirt. “Because every time I look at you I see her… and the hatred I feel for her, the anger, the repulsion I have for that woman runs deeper than a thousand seas for ever and back.” He released Uruha’s now crumpled shirt and smoothed it down.

“So let’s not mention it, ok?” Ruki pushed his glasses further up his nose and scratched his head through the hat, “No car today?”

“I… uh… no. Taxi.” Uruha pointed over to the white cab at the curbside. “My sister? Are you sure…”

Ruki cut him off forthwith with a finger against his lips. “Ah! Shh! Quiet!”

“But… you really mean… Kim..?”

“Seriously Shima, don’t say her name else I may just vomit all over the curb. And that wouldn’t be good for my reputation. Let’s just go and get this over with.”

Blonde, again.

With only four days to go until the tour started up once more, Kai decided he was going to get the better of the damn drum machine once and for all. It was his electrical nemesis, the foul beast that worked when it wanted to and generally not on demand as it should. He had the list of codes and the different triggers and the sequence which he wanted it all to work in but every time he programmed one string in, it would refuse to save or cut off the last ten seconds for no reason easily apparent to the frustrated drummer.

He gave up, throwing his hands in the air and himself face down on one of the sofas, kicking his ankles together as he glared down at the upholstery.

“Still not working right?” Aoi looked up from the table where he was patiently re-stringing his black acoustic guitar. As they all were with their instruments, he could quite have easily gotten a technician to do the rather time consuming task for him but he preferred to do it himself. He didn’t look up from his work, but could tell from the familiarly loud thump of falling drummers that it wasn’t good news.

“No, it’s not. How much do I hate that damn machine? Who’s stupid idea was it to have all this electronic crap in our songs anyway?” He rolled over onto his back and propped himself up on one elbow, looking over to the dark haired guitarist at the table.

“Bathroom was your idea and wasn’t it you who suggested the intro to Silly Go…” Aoi smiled at their leader’s semi-serious glare, making fun of Kai was always a good game!

“OK, OK I get it.” Kai stood up, ready for round two. “I’ll beat you machine, you see if I don‘t…” Raised voices from down the corridor caused Kai to momentarily forget about the drum trigger and stare in surprise at Aoi who, in turn, looked up from his half strung guitar.

The guitarist and the manager, shouting. Not just arguing, not just raised voices, but real vehement insults and accusations and…

Uruha‘s voice. “How could you sleep with him? You stupid bitch! I can’t believe you!”

Kimura’s voice. “He didn’t exactly say no! Don’t blame this all on me, Uruha!”

Uruha’s voice again. “Uruha? Uruha?! I’m your brother, and you fucked not just one of my friends, but one of the band! And Matsumoto, what about him? You stupid stupid slut. It’ll be good riddance to see the back of you once and for all.”

Kimura’s turn. “Please Kouyou, please… don’t tell them. I love my job, please… you know they’ll fire me! And what will I tell Kimura? He’ll kick me out for good, no second chances. Please… I‘m your sister… you can‘t do this!”

Uruha stormed into the band’s room, their manager literally hanging off his arm. It was surreal, the usually headstrong spark of a woman, business suit just so as always, near to her knees clinging to his shirt. Kai looked over at Aoi who in turn shrugged and shook his head slightly.

“You should have thought of that before you opened your damn legs. What were you thinking?” He picked her up to standing with a fistful of hair, her own hands clawing at his wrist in pain.

“Kouyou!! Oww!! You’re hurting me!” She shrieked, trying to kick him in the shins so he’d let go.

“Please Uruha, stop; don’t hurt her.” Ruki didn’t mean a word of it, sauntering in a moment later. His voice a monotone level lacking any emotion; he nodded to Kai and then Aoi. “She fucked Reita, I’m not a happy Ruki. I need a coffee.”

“What?” Kai stood up, his face a perfect map of confusion. He didn’t want to believe what he’d just heard but the actions and words of both the guitarist and the manager seemed to back up Ruki’s statement profusely. “Shima, let go of her.” Even if it was true, it didn’t mean he agreed with her being pulled around like a rag doll.

“She’s a fucking disgrace. You hear that?” Uruha let go of her hair and threw her down to the floor. “You’re a disgrace to our family.”

Ruki poured himself a coffee, and wandered over to sit next to Aoi at the table; he stole one of the guitarists’ cigarettes and lit it, using it as a convenient pointer.

“Do the right thing, Kimura. Resign. We need a manager who is with us one hundred and ten percent… not one who wants to get us in bed.” Ruki sipped his coffee and looked at her, the feint traces of a smile from one who knows he’s won resting on his face. “Let Ueda take over; he pretty much does everything anyway. And most of all, we like him.”

She straightened her hair, smoothed her suit and glared at the four band members in the room before turning on her heels and walking briskly out of the room, her shoes making their trademark click-clack noise on the corridor for probably the last time.

Kai turned to the coffee drinker behind him, still not sure of what had just happened. “Matsumoto? This can’t be true… this can’t be happening. We’re in the middle of a tour, we have the final… the fucking Budokan! Have you forgotten about that? The biggest live we’ve ever done! And Germany… what about that!” He paced back to the table and then back to Ruki and then back to the table again. “This is a bad dream, it’s got to be. We can’t do this without her!”

“Yes we can.” All four of them turned to look at the last band member who chose that moment to make his appearance. Reita looked tired, pale and unshaven. His hair was a mess and his clothes looked as if they’d been slept in. He glanced over at Ruki, feeling the pull of his treacherous conscience within him. It was the first time he’d seen him in days, the first time since that night, the first time since Ruki had rightfully turned his back and left. And he looked good, damn good. Reita deserved every bit of malice the vocalist had to throw at him.

But Ruki didn’t say a harsh word to him. He’d blanked it out, erased the relationship from his mind; he’d realised that it was the only way he could go on and his relationship had to be treated as a reminiscence, the good old days, something from his past. Something that was over.

“Reita’s right. We have to, for ourselves and for the fans. We’re stronger than this shit, right? Nothing is going to hold us back. I won’t let it.”

Ruki said the words for himself as much as for the group, but all the time his heart cried out from within reminding him that as much as he tried to forget, he still loved Reita and it hurt more than he thought possible to be there in the same room as him. But as he’d said to the others, he would cope. He’d pull through, he’d be Ruki and sing and try to not take notice of the emotional battlefield that was his soul.

He looked round at the other four members and held his arms open, the universal gesture for huddle. Usually reserved for the dying moments before a live, they came together as a group shoulder to shoulder. Five men with one common goal and just a trail of messy relationships to worry about.

So, the show must go on, huh? Nagoya, Osaka, Fukuoka, Sendai, up to Sapporo and then back down to Yokohama. Sixteen days, a little over two weeks. He’d be ok with that, wouldn’t he?

Clowns & Jokers 5

Sun, 25 Nov 2007 19:46:06 GMT

Chapter 5

Ruki looked at his watch. Seven fifty-five pm.

“I really have to be going. I’m meeting someone at nine.”

Finishing the last of the iced tea he’d been drinking he hade some “where-is-my-jacket” faces to hopefully try and signal that he really did have to leave.

“But it’s early still!” Miki pouted at him from under Matsuda’s arm where she’d spent most of the evening. “Stay for one more song, please Ru-ru?” She giggled and hiccupped at the same time; she’d probably only had two or three Chu-hi’s but it seemed already that she was the best part of nearly drunk.

“Stay for a little longer, Ruki… Please?” Miko, the other twin, tentatively slipped her arm under his and clung onto him possessively.

Ruki looked at the arm and felt a surge of nervous adrenaline burst through his body. His own arm was no closely pressed against her breast, which he had absolutely no interest in touching. Panic more than anything hit him and he unsuccessfully suppressed a nervous laugh before retrieving his arm from her grip.

“OK, OK one more song. Chose something for me Miko, I’m going to get another drink.” He bolted from the room and stood out in the corridor for a moment or two trying to regain his composure. It was getting increasingly claustrophobic in that little room; everyone was trying to pair him up with Kumiko… he just knew it. He needed to get out of there and soon.

Drink now in hand, Ruki assumed his best posed smile and opened the door. Things had gotten a hundredfold worse since he had left. No, make that two hundredfold. Miko had moved over and was now sitting on the other side of Matsuda to her sister, which in itself wasn’t a bad thing. But what she was doing with said sister was what slapped a cold hand of fear across Ruki’s face.

They were leaning across Matsuda and kissing. Not him and not friendly, innocent kisses that could pass unnoticed between sisters. No, these were kisses like those he shared with Reita sometimes, kisses that meant only one thing… more was to follow.

Matsuda fanned himself with his baseball cap when they parted and grinned like mad at Ruki.

“Twins Ruki, twins! Don’t you just love them!”

Ruki swallowed long and hard, his throat so dry he wasn’t sure he could speak at that moment. Love them? No way…

“I really have to go… I’m meeting someone… I…” He felt around behind him for the door handle, his words a mumbled blur of one-mess-of-an-excuse for a sentence. He was sweating now too and could feel the cold prickle of anxiety drawn between his shoulder blades.

“Girls,” Matsuda popped his cap back on and released both sisters from under his protective wing. “Help young Ruki here decide to stay, won’t you?”

“It would be…”
“…Our pleasure.”

Ruki didn’t like the way they both smiled at each other and then at him. He had a reasonably good idea what they might have in mind, and a very good idea that he didn’t want any part of it. It was Miko who touched him first, prising his fingers from the door handle as Miki took the new bottle of tea from his hand and set it down gently on the table. As one started a sentence, the other finished it and they seemed to work in harmony too - both knowing the other’s move before it happened.

They pulled him back over to the long padded bench and into a sitting position between them. Synchronised hands ran up his chest and under the shoulders of his jacket, ready to pry it off his body.

“Please… you don’t have to do this…” He took their hands in his and tried to move them away from his upper body but in his haste only succeeded in pushing them down towards his crotch.

“Mmm Ruki…”
“…So forward of you.”

“No! No I didn’t mean… I have to meet…” A finger pushed against his lips as both girls began to kiss the sides of his face and neck; identical patterns of glossed lips and tongues on skin, licking and touching him. And all the time their hands rubbing his inner thighs and occasionally teasing his tightening groin.

“P-please…” he stuttered, “You don’t understand… Meeting… Akira… I have to call him…”

“You left your phone…”
“…At the shop.”

“I can’t believe you!” Matsuda shifted in his seat, loosening himself from a badly arranged trouser incident. “Stop worrying about your damn bassist, Ruki! He’d never forgive himself if he knew you’d turned this down for him! Enjoy it…” Matsuda lifted his sake cup in a silent salute to them and downed it’s contents in one mouthful.

“Enjoy…”
“…Us.”

“We want to…”
“…Make you feel good.”

Both sets of hands now moved purposely to his crotch, one on his zip and one on his belt but before they could complete their destined task, Ruki stood up in a hurry pushing both girls aside rather sharply.

“You don’t understand. I can’t do this!” Defiant, he straightened his clothes and turned to the door. “Matsuda, ladies, I’m sorry but I really do have to go and meet Aki.”

Silence. Surely that had been too easy right? Oh yes.

Miko was the first to explode. “What is your fucking problem?” She didn’t like being refused and neither, it seemed, did her sister.

“Yeah, why are you so worried about your friend all the time, and meeting your friend and Akira this and Akira that?” Both girls looked at him, their faces carbon copies of the same angry stare. He had no choice really, they deserved the truth.

Ruki sighed inwardly; so it had come at last. “He’s not just my friend.” Running his fingers through his hair, now acutely aware that the three people in the room were a silent and captive audience, hanging on his every word. Didn’t they get it? Would he really have to spell it out for them?

“We’re together.” Still blank stares. No response. They waited for further clarification.

“I’m gay! He’s my fucking boyfriend! Does it make sense now?”

Silence again, but this time it appeared the news had sunk in.

“You mean..?” Yes, Kumiko had heard him and now she realised.

“You and..?” Miki too, shooting a glance across at her sister and then Matsuda. The latter shrugging as if to say how the hell was I supposed to know!

The sudden change in atmosphere had taken all the colour from Matsuda’s face and he was now a shade not too dissimilar to cured tofu.

“You’re… gay. And Reita, the guy from this morning is your..?” He mulled the words over in his head, the confused glaze over his eyes slowly clearing.

“Yes. He is, we are and no, it’s not common knowledge and I’d appreciate it if it could stay that way.”

Matsuda’s look was grave and suddenly pensive, all confusion dissipated.

“This is indeed news. You really should have said something earlier because this changes things drastically, you realise.” He picked up his cup but unfortunately was forced to put it back down as it was empty. Matsuda really had had no idea, and he was beginning to feel just a tiny little bit silly for attempting to pair everyone up.

“Eh? What? Why does this change things?” Panic now; Ruki had just known this would happen! “You mean you don’t want to finish my stuff?” Oh great, just perfect. Now Kimura would want to know why the tour goods weren’t finished and he’d have to tell her why and she’d bitch at him and get out his contract and point things out which he knew and just be a complete fucking nightmare.

“Don’t be an idiot! It just means that both these beauties will have to come home with me! Here…” He pulled his wallet from out of a pocket and retrieved a card from it. “This is a spare key for Stokers’. Left side’s door, right is alarm. Press ARM to set it again. Fuck it up and my shop gets broken into, I’ll kill you. Ok?” Ruki took the card tentatively, not one hundred percent sure if he was joking or not and just nodded solemnly in agreement, glad that his exit was imminent.

Miko and Miki, now both sufficiently happy that they hadn’t been blown out completely, snuggled back up together with Matsuda.

“If you ever change your mind…” Miko smiled her sweet smile at him.

“I won’t.”

“Do you…”
“…Love him?”

Ruki turned back to answer the twins’ question, door open, ready to go.

“Yes, very much so.”

The words rang in his ears as he watched the lights fade into the darkness of the tunnel and then, as soon as it had appeared it was gone. Ruki stumbled across the platform and slumped against a vending machine, slowly sliding to the ground. Reita and Kimura. The man he loved and the woman he loathed - kissing. And her, that bitch, had seen him and twisted the knife even further.

“Sir, you can’t sleep here. Sir?” The platform attendant stood before him, shoes immaculately polished, uniform still “just so” even at this late hour.

“I’m not asleep.” Ruki didn’t look up. “I’m nothing. I’m a vast open pit of nothing; with anger and hate crawling within me and malice and vile seeping from me. But, even though I am nothing, I am awake.” Ruki then looked up at the guard, a man of indistinguishable age in the blue grey uniform of the metro. The man stared back at him; probably not sure if he was drunk or on drugs or both.

“When’s the next train please?” Ruki blinked back his hair and clutched the phone tightly in his pocket.

“Two minutes west and five minutes east, sir. Do you have a ticket?”

“Yes, I’ve got…” Ruki stood up and found his train pass from out of his wallet somewhere. “A thing… one of these.”

“Yes, that’s in order. Thank you.”

Ruki watched the man walk slowly down the platform, turning once or twice to look back over his shoulder until the next train rumbled in.

He stood and watched every last person get off that train, clinging to the vain glimmer of hope that one of them would be Reita, rushing to explain the mistake… But no. Ruki pulled out his phone and scrolled through his emails. The last one he’d received from Reita hadn’t sounded too pleased at all. His thumb slowly moved over the characters for “PLEASE CALL ME”.

Why am I so calm about this? Because Reita would call, he always did when he got messages like that. He’d clear this mess up - it must have been a mistake… Perhaps it wasn’t even him! Perhaps lack of sleep lately had played some sick trick on his mind and he’d been wrong…

But deep down, the little tiny seed of knowing thrust out it’s roots and feelers and took anchor within him. It was Reita and for some reason unknown to Ruki, he was with HER.

The train was empty save for a young couple whispering closely at one end of the carriage. Ruki stood, holding onto the hand rail and swaying slightly as he journeyed the one stop back into the city to change lines. They were looking at him, he was sure of it. Looking and laughing probably - they know, don’t they? They must know. Ruki looked up at the couple and he could have sworn the girl spoke to him.

“He’s going to fuck her, and forget all about you…”

He blinked in surprise, “Huh? What did you just say?”

The couple stared back at him blankly, she hadn’t said a thing.

A new platform and without another word Ruki stepped out onto the well populated concrete. It was always busy in this corner of Tokyo, he tried to avoid this area as much as he could - too many teenage girls recognising him and slyly following him around. Attention he didn’t want or need at that moment.

He trotted down the steps and made his way to the over ground line which would take him south and out of the city, towards Reita’s neighbourhood. Then he’d finally find out what was going on. As a last ditch attempt, he called the other’s cell phone.

“We are very sorry but the customer you are trying to reach is currently unavailable. Please try again later.”

Another train, another journey to sit in silence and think in quiet reflection. The image of them together, the look in her eyes, her hands on him… the kiss; it all burned into the backs of his eyelids, an imprint for all eternity. He was cold, shivering, still nauseous and not really sure what he was going to do or say when he got to Reita’s apartment.

But he found himself there soon enough; the place was in total darkness, locked up and quiet. His key paused in the lock, imagining catching them together naked in bed and her on the receiving end of his touches and slow caring hesitancy…

“No!” His choked cry escaped from his throat before he could stop it; disgusted at himself for thinking such a thing and the angry tears of frustration burned at his eyes. “No..” he stammered again, desperate not to cry. If thinks were as bad as they seemed, he’d not give Reita the privilege of his tears. He’d cried for him once before; he’d not do it again.

Ruki let himself into Reita’s apartment and locked the door behind himself. It smelled amazing, absolutely intoxicating. He’d been burning incense of some description and it’s sweet musty smell still lingered, mixed with the rare trace of a cologne which Ruki had bought for him and he hardly ever wore. Tonight had obviously been a special night…

Had he planned this? Was it all a giant scheme? The thoughts rampaged though Ruki’s irrational mind; perhaps that was it, Reita had wanted to take him somewhere public to break the news of “Oh sorry, I forgot to say I was going to break your world in two…again.”

Or perhaps it was all just a terrible mess of Ruki’s misplaced loyalties; forgetting his true love and trying not to lose face in front of Matsuda who, after all, was only a fleeting part of his life. Perhaps Reita had waited for him, watching the minutes tick by, a drink or two to pass the time…

And then his phone rang.

He sat down on the futon, fumbling with his phone as he did so.

“Aki?” He didn’t check the ID, he just needed it to be Reita.

“No…” The voice sounded a little hesitant and almost slurred. Ruki looked at the phone now, before putting it back to his ear.

“Shiroyama, is that you?” The phone indeed said AOI but it sure as hell didn’t sound like him.

“Keep trying Taka-chan, only two more to go.” It was more than obvious now who it was.

Ruki didn’t want to talk to anyone other than Reita, especially not him. “Takashima, what the fuck do you want? I’m waiting for a call.”

“How did you guess it was me?” Uruha shifted the phone to his other ear and rested his head on his hand. His eyes followed Aoi's arms as he stretched backwards and then scratched his stomach, smiling when he realised he was being watched.

“It’s obviously you!” Ruki snapped at him.

“Hey… sorry! I just wanted to check if you still needed a lift tomorrow. It’s hair day remember?”

Hair day. Blonde. Again.

Ruki sighed to himself, should he say something to Uruha? Would it be worth stirring up something that hopefully was nothing? Probably not, he’d only say the same as what that slowly fading part of Ruki’s mind said… Overreacting…

“Yeah, pick me up. Look, I’m sorry for snapping Kouyou. I’m not having a good night, that’s all.

Uruha knew better than to expect Ruki to open up without severe provocation - and he’d be more than able to do that in the morning.

“Ok, I’ll see you around half ten I guess. Hope everything works out.”

“What’s his problem?” Aoi threw a can of beer over to Uruha and sat heavily down next to him, retrieving the PS2 controller as he did so.

“Don’t know, didn’t ask. Probably…” Uruha’s voice trailed off to nothing and he stared thoughtfully at the beer can for a moment before opening it.

“Probably what? Shima, tell me!” Aoi poked Uruha in the ribs with the controller; there was knowledge to be shared and he wanted to know of it.

“It’s probably nothing but, I worry about them sometimes. All this time it’s been Ruki and Reita together on the road.” He took a tentative sip from the can and continued, “Can you really see Matsumoto and Suzuki settling down in domestic bliss? It’s been nothing but play, sleep and eat; oh and in their case fuck. But now…” Uruha swapped the beer can for his own controller and resumed play. “I just worry about them, that’s all.”

“Aww..” Aoi put his arm around the other’s shoulders and hugged him. “You’re a mother hen after all.”

Uruha tried to hide his uneasy smile as he shrugged the arm away. They’d spoken about this and in a strange way it felt like the right thing to do. As much as he thought Ruki and Reita would struggle with normality, they at least had love on their side to hold them to each other. He and Aoi however had no such affectionate bond; nothing to mask the things he knew would happen.

For Uruha had decided, the day the first part of the tour finished, that he couldn’t handle the disapproving looks and words he’d get from his family - it had been hard enough work keeping the Osaka incident secret from his sister. Also, he wasn’t entirely sure that this was the path his life was meant to take. He’d always imagined himself getting married and having a family one day. But mostly, the main point was that Aoi was a good friend and when things just felt right, after a couple of drinks, it felt good to have someone to be with. But that was all he wanted, he wasn’t ready to share anything more than a few kisses or fumbled blowjobs with him. Not yet anyhow. And so, Uruha felt quite comfortable reminding Aoi of what they’d agreed on.

“Shiro, this isn’t the time or the place, remember? Keep your mind on the game.”

Ruki hadn’t meant to fall asleep, but the sound of a key in the lock woke him up from his restless slumber on the futon. He sat up quick as a flash and mentally braced himself. The TV clock said it was half past five; he’d been there over five hours. Ruki didn’t need to ask the question because Reita answered it the moment he walked through the door. He stank of perfume, the scent alone threatening nausea in Ruki’s belly. Reita stood in silence in front of the closed door before turning the light on. He didn’t see shocked to see Ruki there at all.

“You slept with her, didn’t you?”

Reita hung his head low, very low. He wasn’t worthy to look into those eyes that had shown him such complete and utter love but now were brimming with hatred. His words crashed to the floor, shattering their bubble of happiness in one syllable.

“Yes.”

Clowns & Jokers 4

Sun, 25 Nov 2007 19:45:08 GMT

9.36pm

Ruki was late. Later then usual, later than fashionably late - just plain LATE. Reita fired off a quick “where the fuck are you?” email and snapped his phone angrily shut. The night was not going as planned, they should have been laughing and joking by now - both on the wrong side of a few drinks… not this, not just Reita slumped at the bar drowning by himself in a beer tainted sea of self pity.

The more he wallowed, the more melancholy he became. It was obvious to him now, Ruki must have gone somewhere with Matsuda; Kumiko, who ever she was, was probably there seducing him and stealing him away for ever and ever. He screwed the beer mat up in his fist and made sure to order a shot of something clear and lethal with his next drink. And still, Ruki didn’t return his email.

“All alone?” A female voice interrupted his morose train of thought. He tried to ignore it. “Have you been stood up?” she continued.

He didn’t look up, but could smell and kind of see her out of the corner of his eye. She smelled expensive and… out of place. “Excuse my bluntness Miss, but it’s not any of your business.”

“Hmm, I see. Taka’s really rubbed you up the wrong way, hasn’t he?” She laughed and took a sip from her drink, sitting gracefully on the stool next to him and crossing her legs at the knee.

“Taka? What the… KIMURA?!” Reita should have been dreaming, it just wasn’t right for their lady manager to be sitting at a bar in Shimokita… and on her own too by the looks of it. Reita, as always, was blunt and to the point. “What the fuck are you doing here?” He sat up a little straighter, suddenly feeling as if he should produce his face-wrap from a pocket somewhere and put it on quickly.

“New talent, I’m scouting. We do that sometimes…” It was a half truth; one which she couldn’t really back up. She knew that Reita knew damn well that she’d not be out on her own and most certainly not as dressed up as she was. She smiled, and it was a sad little smile, not something any nice girl should have to do.

“That’s not entirely true actually Suzuki. You don’t mind if I call you that, do you?” She looked at him in earnest; for one so used to wielding power she seemed terribly small and overwhelmed sitting with her cocktail at the bar of Disorder.

“Suzuki is fine, but it’s your lucky day; call me Akira...Hana.” He stole a glance at her from under his long fringe. Her hair seemed longer and more styled than it had been and her eyes wider and immaculately outlined in black and dark purple. She looked far too good; far too familiar too.

“You look so…different with all that make up on. You look like your brother.”

Her lips threatened to smile, nearly breaking the painted perfection of her face. It did sound strange though to be compared to Gazette’s blonde guitarist. Their tireless schedules never gave time for family, hers especially and her younger brother was generally forgotten as such. She was as ruthless with Uruha as she was with any of them and treated him no different; Reita wasn’t even sure that they existed as family any more. He was still living with their parents somewhere halfway between Yokohama and Tokyo while she was tucked away in an expensive apartment on the bay which probably would have eaten Reita’s royalties twofold every month.

But still, Kouyou and Hana were brother and sister… How else do you think Gazette had gotten signed to PSC without some form of “connections”?

“I haven’t heard from him since Aomori. I think he’s forgotten he has a sister.” She smiled again, still the distant sadness lingering on the outskirts. Reita tried to not be bothered, tried not to care. She’d been an unimaginable bitch to him so many times he’d lost count and Ruki had never really seen eye to eye with her either; not as teenagers and most certainly not in recent years. But there was certainly something amiss and deep down, Reita knew he’d end up wanting to find out.

He tried to take his mind off it with random chat regarding Uruha. “I was with him today actually. Seriously, Kimu… Hana, unless you have a PS2 controller shoved up your ass I don’t think he’ll give you so much as the time of day!” But it didn’t raise the mood, or take his mind off her poor little countenance so instead Reita resumed his quest to drink until he didn’t feel the ache of loneliness any more.

The two didn’t speak after that. In all truth, what did the two have to say to each other? Nothing, not anymore. Reita and Kimura had argued so many times that those bridges were permanently burned, the charred ashes of a relationship long abandoned. But still the nagging uncertainty regarding her reason for being there remained and Reita found himself slowly forgetting his anger and slight despair at the nonexistent “date” with Ruki and beginning to want to talk with Kimura. How very bizarre!

He nodded at the barman to get his attention, ordered them both another drink, noted that his server wasn’t too bad looking actually and turned to his manager, clearing his throat in readiness.

“So, Hana. What are you doing here on your own? Don’t give me that shit about scouting… I don’t believe a word of it.” He knocked back the vile tasting shot-of-whatever and closed his eyes as the alcohol burnt it’s way down into his belly. The fiery feelings of anger, disappointment and mistrust had all been long since extinguished by drink. Ruki? Ruki who? Reita would think about him when he could be bothered to care about someone other than himself.

“I… I’d really rather not talk about it.” She rested one hand against her cheek and leant heavily against the bar; a gesture commonly seen from Uruha when he was hiding something; the same was true now. Turning to look at him, not realising he was looking right back at her, she would have blushed if her cheeks weren’t already pink from the alcohol. She stared at him with eyes glazed and ready to cry. Reita, the boy she’d known that had turned into this man in a blink of an eye. The mouth that bore no hint of emotion, just lips that glistened damp with liquor but the one visible eye - the smoky edged lashes - bore a certain kindness which she rarely saw from Reita. Seeing herself reflected in his pale brown contacts, she felt as if she had no option but to open up and tell him the truth. The horrid, degrading truth.

“Kimura and I have broken up. We’ve been having problems for a long time and he’s finally asked me to leave. I should have seen it coming I guess…” She ran one finger around the rim of her glass, lost in absent reflection on what must have been hard for her to admit. “I was here with an old friend but it was stupid, we have nothing in common any more and who am I trying to fool? I’m nearly thirty… not some damn teenager…” The words faltering, a choked breath of repressed tears threatened to cut her in two and she clasped the drink in both hands, clinging on to it’s solid glass body as she searched her reflection in the mirror behind the bar.

“What am I going to do Akira? What am I going to do now?”

“Why did you break up?” Reita tried to ignore the single tear which traced a slow path following the contours of her nose until she wiped it away with a napkin. He’d never seen her cry; never seen her display any sort of emotion other than annoyance and very occasionally anger. She was always the strong one, holding their little corner of PSC together, dissolving disputes and keeping them all reasonably in order. It was generally forgotten that many of the crew had wives or husbands, Kimura included, and that it must be tough on those left behind for weeks on end while Gazette toured the islands. Reita almost thought about Ruki for a moment then but quickly smudged the image in his mind’s eye in favour of another drink.

She managed to answer his question as if she’d just read his mind.

“He wants a proper wife, one that’s there every day to cook and clean and raise the children.” She stared into the bottom of her now empty glass, head bowed low over the cup. A single curl fell from behind her ear and before he even realised, Reita had reached out and smoothed it back in place. She didn’t flinch at the contact but he seriously considered sitting on his damn hands so as not to do it again.

“Children Aki!” Aki... That’s what Ruki calls me… “He never said he wanted children! I just wanted a career and a life not ruled by crying babies and cooking. I gave my all to PSC, all for the music and my boys. I knew you could be so much more than we ever dreamed and I wanted to help you as much as I could. Is that such a crime? Does that make me a bad person?” She sniffed back another round of tears and continued, “At least that’s something you’ll never have to worry about… kids I mean.”

Reita couldn’t help but smile at the thought, “No, I guess not. But then again I don’t think that Taka and I have a long term future together anyway.”

“Oh? But I thought you two…” She lowered her voice to a whisper, “…were in love.”

“I just don’t think that’s enough any more. He has so many ideas and dreams and they’re all bigger than me I’m afraid. I don’t think he’ll have enough time for it all and something will have to give.” Reita downed the rest of his drink but caught her looking at him in the mirror behind the bar. “And that something will be me.” He checked his phone once more, still no emails or calls.

“Where are you staying then, if you can’t go home? I’m going to catch a train… I’m shit out of luck tonight. Stood up by Matsumoto and drinking with my fucking manager. Wow, what a social life I have.”

“I’m not far, it’s one of the hotels we have an agreement with downtown. You’re going that way, aren’t you?” She picked up her bag and fumbled around in it for a moment before pulling out a makeup compact. Reita watched her, mesmerised by the small mirror reflecting her lips as she fixed the gloss. If she noticed him watching she didn’t say anything.

“You have the same lips… you and Takashima…” Reita murmured, blinking back an alcohol fuelled urge to touch her face.

She said nothing but just smiled, the same sad little smile from earlier.

“Come on, let’s go. I’ll pay your train fare for you.” She slid down from her stool and shouldered the bag. “Thanks for letting me crash your night out… And don’t worry about Matsumoto,” she took his hand in hers. Her fingers were so slim and slight, Reita imagined they’d snap like twigs if he gripped too hard. She slid those fingers past the cuff of his jacket and there they rested, gently drawing little circles on the skin of his forearm.

“When the time comes… Relationships tend to let fate intervene. Everything happens for a reason, Aki.”

He studied her eyes, face, expression. What was she saying? It was all very cryptic - too cryptic for his alcohol addled mind to comprehend. All he knew, all he could feel was her nails against his skin, barely scraping against the flesh… she was so fragile; so feminine. She turned her head sharply, tossing long curls over her shoulder and shifted on her heels, Reita looked down at his hand, her fingers now curled around his.

“Let’s get out of here…” She could have whispered it in his ear or shouted it from a million miles away - either way he let her lead him from the bar, from the club and out into the night.

The chill April night caught them both unawares; the air brisk and unsettling, a slight breeze whipping their faces as they walked down the steps to the subway. He loosed his fingers from hers and shoved both hands deep in his jacket pockets. It was getting dangerous; he could feel it. They were slowly heading for the point of no return and he didn’t know how to stop himself. Hell! Reita didn’t know if he even wanted to stop. He was drunk, lonely and miserable; a potent combination. Craving the attention he’d become accustomed to on the first half of the tour, Ruki’s soft kisses and incredible fucking; to know and feel that he was most loved in all the world by the most amazing person he had ever known. It was hard to come to terms with just how much he’d fallen for Ruki. The moment he’d admitted his feelings a flood gate of emotion had opened, and there was no closing it now.

“Where’s the train?” She shivered at his side and pulled her thin jacket around her shoulders, edging closer to him with every passing second. Dangerous. Reita looked down the platform to the sign halfway along.

“Six minutes, are you OK to wait?”

And then she lay her head against his chest, wrapping her arms around his waist and sighed, “I’m OK as long as you’re here to keep me warm Aki.”

He didn’t know what to do. He knew what he should do - push her away, make an excuse ANY EXCUSE and leave. And he nearly did do that; nearly. Something stopped him. Perhaps it was because she was so different to Ruki, so small and fragile - not the bubbling pot of energy and life that sparked and fizzed from dusk to dawn and back again. The giver, the one he depended on and looked to for fulfilment; the one who just didn’t need him as much lately. He hadn’t felt wanted, just discarded… but all that had changed now because now he was needed. Kimura needed him. Reita kissed the top of her head, nothing more and he stroked her hair as they held each other on the cold empty platform.

And when she did look up at him and he met her gaze - they kissed. Hesitantly at first, finding their way through new lips, strange tongues, unknown feelings. His heart pounding to a foreign rhythm. So wrong, so wrong. Ruki? What about Ruki?

The outbound train arrived seconds before the inbound, brining a few late bar-goers and city workers out from Tokyo towards the suburbs. Their kiss stopped with the rumble of their own train and hand in hand Kimura lead him into the carriage.

“What are we doing, Hana?” Reita fought through the drunken haze that marred his sense of reason… He could have stopped it there, he should have stopped it there and so should she. A kiss could be forgiven in time, even Ruki the non-drinker of the band could appreciate the stupid things you did when you’d had one too many. But Reita didn’t stop her; he let her wrap her slender arms around him again and hold onto him tightly. He wanted to be needed so much and he was stupid and selfish and too far gone to realise the damage they were causing.

Kimura let a sigh escape her lips as she buried her head against Reita’s leather jacket. He felt as she’d always imagined he would, warm and slightly scented and more comforting than she could have believed. She ran her fingers along the groove carved between muscle down his spine and sighed again. He was good looking, there was no denying it and her husband’s lack of reason over her career had just knocked her self confidence to an all time low. Reita would make her feel superior again, but for all the wrong reasons.

She tilted her head to one side and gazed over Reita’s shoulder through the closed train doors right into Ruki’s eyes. He was just standing there on the platform, breeze blowing his fluffy black hair across his forehead. There was no room for emotion other than disbelief on his face. How much he’d seen she didn’t know; but he’d probably seen more than enough. She slid her hands down into Reita’s back pockets and raised her face to his. He cupped her cheek gently and kissed her again, not knowing who was watching from behind the closed door. All the time, Kimura held Ruki’s eye and took his heart with her as the train pulled out of the station.

“Akira?” He whispered the syllables, body shaking but not from the cold and he felt something not unlike nausea begin to burn his throat.

Clowns & Jokers 3

Sun, 25 Nov 2007 19:44:05 GMT

Chapter 3

Ruki leant back on his stool, wishing it was a chair. A nice comfortable chair… no make that a sofa. Yes, a sofa with Reita at the end cracking his knuckles read to give him a neck rub. He’d been bent over the work bench the best part of the day and his body was now seriously complaining; back, neck and eyes all aching. He could remedy the last one though, and with a nod of recognition to Matsuda, he pushed the curtain aside and went out back to find a bathroom.

“Alright, Ruki?” The older man looked up from his PC at the movement from the workshop.

“Yeah…” He sighed wearily, “Just going to take my contacts out, my eyes are shot.”

He closed the door behind him and retrieved the contact lens case from his jacket pocket, thankful to get the little beasts away from his tired pupils. Ruki blinked once or twice, trying unsuccessfully to focus without them and resigned himself to the fact that he’d have to wear his glasses. They weren’t so bad anyway, plain black frames were timeless and classy - and even though Aoi teased him about it, he was sure he didn’t look like an idiot in them!

His phone buzzed in his pocket and then began it’s little jingle that was specific to Reita. The smile that landed on his face was unconditional, it was his favourite person in the world and he wanted to talk.

“Suzuki Akira you son-of-a-bitch… I was just thinking about you.”

“Oh were you now? You didn’t seem too bothered earlier…” Reita, back home - his home for a change, glared at the cooking instructions on the plastic bowl which promised him “Spaghetti with authentic Japanese plum sauce!” How you could have authentic Japanese pasta sauce Reita did not know. As he prodded the buttons on the microwave he wondered if there were similar things in Italy, “Grandma Ferrari’s Traditional Italian Sushi” for example. “Are you still in Shimokita?”

“Yeah but I’m just about done in for the day. And don’t be like that with me… You know we’re not supposed to be public. You don’t want to upset Kimura now, do you?” He smiled at himself in the mirror because he really would like to upset their manager a little; he’d been way too kind to her lately and had caused little to no grief for the whole start of the tour… well except that one live when he hadn’t wanted to do the encore… but it was surprising what a few whispered promises and a hug from Reita could do to change his mind.

“Have you eaten?” The microwave beeped it’s alert, cooking finished. He stirred the stringy pasta around with his chopsticks and popped it back into the oven for another couple of minutes.

“No, not yet. I was going to grab something on the way home. You?” Ruki pushed his glasses a little further up his nose, closing the bathroom door behind him. The store room was empty and he could hear Matsuda talking to someone in the shop up front. Perfect, relative privacy.

“No, well yes, nearly. Make sure you eat something because I’m taking you out tonight and I don’t want you getting drunk on one Hyoketsu and falling over.”

“Out? Where? Not on a date..?” Ruki rubbed at a dirty mark on the side of his boot, wondering what it was that Reita could have in mind. He hadn’t stopped grinning since answering the call and now the promise of being “taken out” by the other man was only adding to his amusement. “Where are you taking me? Do I need to dress up?”

“That’s up to you, Taka. You always look good anyway…” Reita mumbled those last words, trying to hide the complement through tentatively tasting his plum spaghetti.

But Ruki caught it, “Thanks… you do too. Especially naked in my bedroom.” Bad idea! The split second image of naked Reita nudged him right in the groin and forced him to stand up and walk around, trying to take his mind off it. It was at times like these, that Ruki wished he wore looser trousers, not the well fitted jeans he was keen on.

Reita nearly choked on his spaghetti. “You can’t say that!” he coughed. “What if your precious Matsuda hears you?”

“It’s ok… he’s busy in the shop. So… where, when?” All threatening erections well and truly gone from talk of Matsuda, Ruki wandered back into the shop nodding to the two girls who had arrived whilst he was in the back.

“Well,” ..slurp.. “How about Disorder?” ..slurp.. “We haven’t been there in years and being back in Shimokita today kind of made me want to see it again. It’ll be nice, just you and me having a few drinks… like we used to, you know?” He tipped the bowl up to his lips, slurping the last of the plum sauce with immense satisfaction.

“That’s one of the best ideas I’ve heard all day. I’ll see you, when? About nine?”

“Yeah, that gives me time to do some shit around here, have a sleep and get ready. I don’t feel like I’ve been home in a week.”

“I like you staying at my place though… It’s homely.”

“I like it too…” Reita’s voice trailed off as he paced the floor between his futon and the kitchen, just daring himself to say something affectionate. “You know you’re everything to me, don’t you?”

Silence

“Am I? Oh… that’s just…” Ruki could the lump beginning to choke up his throat; windpipe constricting, his own voice lilting and croaky. “You too, ok? Always. See you later. Bye…” He reluctantly watched the backlight die as the call was disconnected from the other end. Reita…

“Ruki… You never told us you had a girlfriend!” Miki’s voice, high and shrill, sliced through his thoughts like a sparkly knife. “Sparkly” being a very apt word for describing the twin sisters who were both regulars in the shop and also good friends of Matsuda. They were so alike, Miki and her sister Miko - yes this is the Kumiko who Matsuda was trying to pair up with the vocalist. It was Matsuda’s master plan! Practically Ruki’s first day in the workshop had seen the girls stop by and the proprietor lean across the work bench and whisper..

“Twins, Ruki. Twins.” with a knowing smile.

Knowing, yes Ruki knew alright. He knew that it was his duty to be nice to these girls, to smile and be the pleasant face of PSC that he was contracted to be. He played by the rules and smiled at them, hoping they were clever enough to pick up on the fact that silence meant perhaps he didn’t want to talk about it. No such luck!

“So, what kind of girls do you like, Ruki?” Miko twirled the sucker she had between her pink glossed lips, reaching towards him as if to paw at his arm in a search for physical contact.

But Ruki was ready; he’d learnt his lines well at PSC and knew the answer to this question without hesitation.

“I want a girl who’s going to cook for me and look after me; someone down to earth.”

Miki giggled and poked her sister on the arm, “That’s not you then, is it? You can’t cook for toffee!” She linked her arm with that of her rejected sister and pulled her, much to Ruki’s relief, away from him and back into her domain. The pout that formed around Miko’s strawberry sucker lingered only for a second or two, as she chose to change the subject instead.

“Haruki… Take us out for some fun tonight… pleeeaaase?”

It was times like these that Ruki realised just why he was happy to be gay. God damn annoying girls! At least with Reita, he could happily tell him to fuck off and know that it wouldn’t mean sleeping on the sofa for a night or two! He sincerely imagined that being with either Miki or Miko would be his own personal hell… A hell decorated with too many phone charms and the stealing of his make up. The thought made him chuckle to himself, one that wasn’t concealed behind his hand.

“What’s so funny, Mr Rockstar?”

Matsuda‘s helpful comment did nothing to calm Ruki‘s anxiety…

“Girls! Girls! Leave our poor little celebrity alone!”

The thing is, Ruki didn’t feel like a celebrity. He just felt awkward and cornered by the inevitable truth that he never quite knew if Matsuda was one hundred percent on his side or not sometimes. The way the big man kept shooting glances in his direction and then back at the twins, it unnerved Ruki a little and made him feel less than comfortable in the little foursome. When there were more people, it was better; when it was just the guys, it was better. But two guys and two girls? Well in his mind it was just asking for trouble, trouble which he had no intention of being involved in.

But still, Matsuda continued. “So, are we going out for a few drinkies tonight then? I think it‘s time for a celebration!” He rubbed his hands together in anticipation and looked from the girls to the Ruki and back again, waiting for either party to respond.

“What are we celebrating?” Miki began, only to be interrupted by her sister.

“Who cares! Yeay drinking! Let’s go karaoke… going to give us a song Mr Rockstar?” She hugged tightly on the other’s arm, bouncing on the spot ever-so slightly.

Ruki scratched his head, rubbing his finger tips against the black knitted hat he’d brought with him that day. He searched the shop floor for a little inspiration but drew a complete blank. Time for a touch of honesty…

“I’d love to but, I have plans. I’m sorry…” OK, that was true he did have plans; nice Reita related ones. Plans that would hopefully end in serious amounts of sex either back at his place or on Reita’s futon. mmm sex… naked Reita…

“Ruki..? You’ll come, won’t you?” Miko looked up at him somewhat coyly from under her fringe, long mascara’ed lashes catching against the hair and flicking it upwards.

“Ruuuuuki…..?” Miki too now; double assault of perfect girl. And they were just that, perfect long curly brown hair, perfect makeup, perfect clothes… And they did ask so nicely, and he was sure it would be fun… Ruki felt his resolve breaking away slowly; the blocks which had made up the Reita of his mind’s eye were gradually being kicked down by a pair of stiletto heeled feet. Perhaps he could just go for an hour - that would give him time to get home, washed, changed and back over to their old stomping ground, “Disorder”. Yeah, I’ve got time… It was only just past five and he didn’t have to meet Reita until nine… He tried the sums out in his head quickly just to confirm.

Half an hour to get home;
Quick plunge in the tub;
Another thirty minutes to do his hair… well ok make it forty five;
Dressed and out, Disorder by nine.

Hell! He could probably stay with them for a couple of hours. Anyway, socialising with Matsuda was a good thing. A little “normality” in his usually topsy-turvy lifestyle.

“I can’t believe you’re even having to think about this! A night out in my amazing company and with these two gorgeous girls by our side…” Matsuda shrugged out of one arm of the coverall he was wearing and then pulled the other out in a fluid well practiced movement. “Big Echo? It’s closest and I can’t be bothered to go get dressed up to go into Shibuya or somewhere…”

“Yeay!! Big Echo! Big Echo! Karaoke!” The girls completed their mini victory dance before Ruki had even had time to agree or disagree with the proposition. He couldn’t help but smile at their enthusiasm, he’d forgotten what normal girls were like. Gazette’s fans - well, the ones he’d ever had personal contact with, all seemed a little… obsessive? Psychotic? Both more often than not, especially those fucking cosplayer. He mentally shuddered at the memory of “The Encounter” which had nearly cost him dearly, but actually had presented to him the world on a silver platter… his world; Reita.

“Ok, I’ll come. But only for a couple of hours.”

Reita glared at himself critically in the mirror, but only his wet reflection stared back through the steam. He wiped his hand across the cold glass, dragging a finger smeared trail through the mist, searching for inspiration in the dripping lines. The hand went to the wet hair combed back from his face, dark roots turning dark blonde and already drying on the ends.

As he saw it, he had two options really.

#1 He could not bother with his appearance too much and just baseball-cap it, loose jeans and trainers.

Or

#2 He could baseball-cap it and wear something a little more GLAM.

Hmm… decisions, decisions… Ruki had hardly seen him out of either casual or Gazette clothes so perhaps it was about time he pulled out all the stops and made sure that he was for one night, killer gorgeous. And not in the over made way they sent him out onto stage either, but in his way.

And so, dry dressed and perfected, he slipped bare arms into the sleeves of his favourite white leather jacket and adjusted the collar, nodding in approval at his now ready reflection. He flipped his wallet open to install all the necessary cards and such like but was caught off guard by the picture which he kept in that particular one. Ruki had given in to him not long after they’d gotten together… The two of them, young and naïve possibly, asleep on a train returning from a gig. His fluffy blonde head resting against the long haired Ruki’s shoulder…

“I hope you appreciate this…” He muttered through his smile and closed the picture away; wallet in pocket, ready to go.

Reita elected to take a taxi that night, he didn’t fancy all the possibly badly hidden looks and stares he might get on the metro. It wasn’t such a long way from his place south of the city to the edge of Shimokita where Disorder was; and the taxi would deposit him right outside the door. He stared at the lights from other cars rushing past them as they followed the expressway for a time before turning off to thread through endless neon lined avenues, thick with people and energy. The closer the taxi got, the more nervous did Reita feel - or so it seemed to him. And at just after half past eight, when the taxi turned into Kyokaihiroba he had half a mind to tell the driver to keep going. Why? He didn’t know, it wasn’t as if this was make or break time for him and Ruki…

He nodded to the doorman and attempted to gain access to the club but found the way blocked by a black suited arm.

“Don’t I know you?” The doorman looked familiar but then again, lots of big guys in black suits on doors all over the city looked similar.

“I’m in a band… you may have seen us on a couple of magazines?” Reita tried to pass once again but still the way was blocked.

“This is a live house; everyone’s in a band around here. No… I know you from somewhere else.” The guy rubbed his chin thoughtfully for a minute before continuing, “Have you been here before?”

“A long long time ago… but yeah, I used to be a regular.” Reita adjusted the cap on his head, taking it off to smooth down some stray hairs and that was when the arm moved.

“Reita! It is you! You don’t remember me do you? Kawashita?”

Reita looked confused for a moment until the name began to take on new meaning. Kawashita had been the skinny kid who used to work in the cellar after school; surely not…

“Holy shit! You’ve changed.” Reita scratched his head through the cap and shifted nervously from one foot to the other. Was this going to be a reunion night, full of long lost friends crawling out of Disorder’s woodwork? He hoped not, that wouldn’t be conducive to spending the quality time with Ruki that he hoped for.

“I work out!” He smiled, “And eat well too. Welcome back to Disorder. Oh and one more thing…” He pushed the door open and pointed up to the hallway wall. There hung a framed picture with a CD under it. Disorder first press and a photograph from their promotion shoot, all helped along with Ruki’s trademark mess of a signature underneath.

Kawashita grinned at him again, “I was just playing with you, of course I know who you are! You guys have gone a long way…”

He never told me he’d been back here. But then again, that was Ruki’s style, strangely secretive about his deepest feelings until it seemed he just couldn’t bear them any longer and over they spilled.

Reita took a seat at the bar, ordered a beer and settled down to listen to the band and watch his drink slowly disappear.

8.47pm.

Clowns & Jokers 2

Sun, 25 Nov 2007 19:43:08 GMT

Chapter 2

Reita steered the truck over to the side of the road, resting it neatly by the curb before pulling on the parking break. He turned the ignition off and looked over to Ruki - and then past him out of the window. Marché Shimokitazawa.

“Is this it?” He peered past the garish pink sign into a brightly lit neon alley of closely knit shops. It wasn’t much different to anywhere else in Shimokitazawa really, and the laid back atmosphere of all the different mazes of shops and bars reminded Reita a lot of their first months in Tokyo together as a band. Touring these little clubs and bars, making their mark and getting seen by those who needed to see them.

“This is it…” Ruki twisted the ring on his middle finger this way and that; his hands were slightly damp and his heartbeat, pounding away in his chest wasn’t helping to calm him. He turned to Reita, “Are you sure you don’t want to just drop me off? I’ll get a taxi home… it’ll be boring Aki, honestly…”

“No way! I’m interested! Anyway, I thought I’d take some pictures… you could put them in your corner…” His sing-song tone was complemented by a quick pat of the pocket which concealed the phone. Ruki still didn’t look as if he’d bought into this little joint outing so Reita tried another approach as he popped the keys out of the ignition. “Lighten up, Matsumoto! Look, if I get bored I’ll just abandon you here and go find someone else to play with!” He gave Ruki's knee a gentle squeeze on play. You would have thought someone had drawn a knife on him from the look of sheer terror on his face.

Ruki stared at his knee and then at the empty car seat for as long as it took Reita to walk around the back of his truck and open the passenger door. He visibly jumped again at the noise, his mind was miles away.. Thinking, worrying, desperately trying to work out a way around what could possibly happen in the next few hours or so. But he let himself be pulled out and luckily his legs obliged and stood him upright on the pavement.

A quick glance either way up then down the street confirmed that there were relatively few people about. Shimokita was an evening place, not a nine-am-in-the-morning place. Reita turned the collar of his coat up against the chill breeze, spring hadn’t quite got underway this year and it was still reasonably cool. It reminded him of nice things; sake and cherry blossoms and getting drunk in Uena and making a fool of himself. Of sharing his big black scarf with Ruki the year before and talking about everything and anything just because the alcohol let them. He’d been unsure of his feelings back then, couldn’t even admit it to himself let alone anyone else… He’d just known that he really really liked spending time with this funny, down-to-earth, whirlwind of a man.

Caught up in the feelings of nostalgia, he caught Ruki’s hand as he was about to walk away and pinned him to the side of the truck. Something they never did, something that they were just plain not allowed to do in public; Reita pressed his face close to Ruki and kissed him. The singer’s nose was cold against his cheek and his lips a little rough; beauty regimes generally were forgotten on off days by Ruki. He sometimes managed a little black pencil and polish but nothing more.

For a second or two, Ruki’s heart flipped in his chest with a surge of happiness as it always did when Reita touched him or kissed him unprovoked. It just reminded him that the stripey haired bassist really did want to be with him and wasn’t just there by chance. He could have melted against the unforgiving smooth metal of Reita’s pick-up, wound his fingers in Reita’s hair and kissed him until the ends of the earth. Could have but didn't. That nagging voice at the back of his head increased it's intesity, until it's shout was heard through his own lips.

“Suzuki! Anyone could see…” Ruki regained his personal space by grabbing the others’ shoulders and pushing him away, holding him at arms length. He shot a quick glance over Reita’s shoulder to make sure that there wasn’t a jury of disapproving faces lined up outside the shop, or worse still Matsuda himself! But of course there wasn’t. He’d over reacted - the street was practically empty and those few people who hurried about their own business neither knew or cared who the two young men talking by the silver pick-up truck were.

“Sorry.” That one word. There was something about the way Reita said it, something about the way he looked away and dug his hands into his pockets that scared Ruki down to the core. Why am I acting like this? Why am I pushing him away!!! Stolen kisses, the thrill of someone seeing them together - normally Ruki thrived on it. He hadn’t wanted to hide anything from anyone, he’d have stood at the top of the Tower and shouted it to the whole city if he could have. You may ask, why was he so bothered about Matsuda, his new acquaintance, finding out his sexual preferences? You’d not get a coherent response though, because not even Ruki himself could answer that! For secretly, dear reader, he knew that being different was not the done thing.

Oh yes, he knew his behaviour was completely random. Mood swings, highs and lows, wanting to smother Reita with affection in one moment and then ignoring him completely in the next. But there was something safe about his life within PSC, safe from social judgement and slanderous comments. But at the bottom of it all, Ruki also knew he was treating Reita like shit. The look on the other's face told Ruki all he needed to know about what a complete and utter asshole he was being! His apology was silence and pulling Reita’s hand out of his pocket by the sleeve and hoping that it would be enough. And it seemed to work, as they walked the short distance through the little shopping arcade together, Reita squeezed his gloved fingers and smiled. As usual, that which Ruki din't say meaning just as much as that which he did.

“Stroker. Indies Expo Silver. So, what does that mean then, oh great English knowledge?”

“Uh.. It’s just the shop name and… uh… Oh! There’s Matsuda!”

Does it surprise you that Reita’s hand fell limply to his side? That the moment the baseball cap-wearing Matsuda appeared from behind the black curtain, Reita was red hot and couldn’t be touched? No, of course it doesn’t. Reita held his phone up to take a picture of Ruki looking into the shop window, choosing to not really notice the gesture for the time being and adding it to the “List of Things to Discuss Later”. The ever growing list.

Matsuda unlocked the door, blocking the entrance with his body, arms firmly folded across his chest. He expression wasn’t short of pissed off, maybe slightly annoyed, possibly amused even. He looked first from the face which he knew to the one which he didn’t.

“So who’s this then?”

“I’m his boyf…” But Ruki cut him off before he could finish the word.

“Bassist. He’s my bass player. Matsuda, Reita.” Reita’s reluctant bow took longer than it should have to materialise. He was rather unsure of this man in truth, with his backwards hat and interesting moustache. He was probably a cool guy, but the fact that Ruki had introduced him as BASSIST, no mention of BEST FRIEND and certainly not BOYFRIEND… It annoyed the hell out of Reita and in turn made him decide to not like the big man even more.

“Well hello bassist Reita, pleased to meet you… Ruki? You coming inside or are you going to stand out there all day?” His look immediately softened the minute introductions were over and his face broke into a lively grin. He lead the way into the shop and Reita was stunned into silence for a moment at what he saw.

Ruki everywhere. Drawings, sketches, some of them in ink, some of them in pencil - all signed with Ruki’s haphazard scribble of a signature.

“Wow… I didn‘t realise you‘d been so busy.” Reita slung his arm across Ruki’s shoulders as he so often did, he was just at a good height for leaning on after all! He gave them a squeeze for affection, and realised that he was actually quite proud of his little Taka-chan!

“What did you think I did down here all day!” Ruki shrugged his way out from under the arm and picked up a fabric case that had his name written on it. He unrolled it to show that it was a set of silver-working tools.

“Perhaps he thought you had a girlfriend!” Matsuda chuckled to himself and booted the PC up, clearing the small space in front of it to make room for the keyboard. “Speaking of which, did you call Kumiko?”

Kumiko? Reita’s head snapped around, his glare threatening to burn a mark into the back of Ruki’s head. A knot of nausea stung the back of his throat but he fought to keep any note of emotion out of his voice. He didn't trust himself to look at Ruki, staring blankly out of the shop window at Matsuda’s bike which was parked outside.

“Ruki? You never told me you had a girlfriend.”

“Heh heh… He doesn’t!” Matsuda wandered out into what could only be a store room but his voice still floated back into the shop. “I don’t know why you keep turning her down, Ruki. She’s a pretty girl…”

Ruki busied himself with his tools, and the arranging of them around his bench. He could feel the stare, feel the anger provoking an explanation from him. Finally, raising his eyes to meet those of his judge and jury, his voice wasn’t short of a whisper, urgent and low.

“Before you say anything, I never told you because there’s nothing to tell.”

“Hmm… Seems like you’re getting good at not telling people things. No one knows about us, do they?”

“What a stupid fucking question! Of course not, it’s none of their damn business!” He pulled his gloves off and stuffed them in his back pocket. “It’s not like I go up to people and say, Hi, I’m Ruki and I’m fucking my best friend. Get a grip, Akira.”

Reita grunted an incomprehensible nothing and just ambled aimlessly around, taking random pictures to pass the time; Ruki and Matsuda talking, the two pouring over the PC looking at the Gazette home page, the endless re-drawing of Ruki’s final idea. Ruki, of course, was right. He’d been so used to everyone at PSC knowing and not caring that he’d forgotten that the rest of the world might find their behaviour a little antisocial. There was also the fact that it was most certainly against their contracts to let anyone outside of immediate family, both PSC and blood, know about their little relationship.

He must have looked into all the display cabinets twice and walked around the shop a hundred times. Ruki had been right again! It was boring and he wasn’t in the best of moods now anyway. He leant over the counter, and watched Ruki sitting at the little work bench for a few minutes. He was completely absorbed in his work, smiling like a kid at Christmas with the tiny skull in his hand, engraving the band’s katakana onto it. Reita took his phone out for another picture, if only for the fact that the other man looked so damn cute huddled over the work station.

You have 1 new message.

Uruha. An equally bored Uruha by the sounds of it. A bored Uruha who was looking for his favourite player 2.

“Ruki. I’m going.”

“Mmm? OK.” He didn’t even look up from what he was doing. “I think we should add a couple more chain links into this one, make it a little looser around the wrist. What do you think?”

“Yeah, we can give it a try.” Matsuda fished a notebook out of the top pocket of his coveralls and made a note of Ruki’s request.

“I’ll see you later then.”

“Ok, sure. Later.” This time Ruki did look up and acknowledge Reita with a smile before returning to his task.

“Good to meet you, Reita. I'll be delivering these babies to you guys in..." He ran his finger down the schedule taped to the wall, stopping at the deadline date. "Yeah, sure Yokohama... later this month right? So I’ll see you then!”

“Hmmmph..." Reita nodded at that, not sure if he really did want to see Matsuda again. It wasn't his fault that he was stealing Ruki's free time, but it did annoy Reita so!

Ruki held up his hand in a half wave but Reita didn’t see. He stalked back through the arcade to where he’d left his truck and got in, slamming the door. From where he was it was quite a long haul out of the city to the suburb halfway between Tokyo and Yokohama where Uruha lived, temporarily so he said, with his parents. He hoped the guitarist wasn’t busy because he was needed someone to vent at!

First one side, then another. Not that leaning with the damn racing game was going to help his little car corner any faster. Getting into the game a little too much, Uruha leaned over to his left way too enthusiastically and lost his balance, falling in a heap on the futon. A knock at the door made him scramble up. He knew who it was, and he could almost picture the angry face from the banging fist against the door.

“Do I want to hear this, Akira?” Uruha’s door-opening comment wasn’t the usual greeting but it served his purposes well.

“I don’t get him. I really don’t. One minute he’s fine, we’re fine. And the next…” He walked straight through to Uruha’s room and sat heavily on his futon. “It’s like he can’t bear to be near me.” Reita flopped back on the quilt, addressing his comments to the ceiling. “You’ve known him longer than anyone, Shima. What do you think?”

“What do I think? Hmm well…” Uruha sat down beside him and began to pull Reita's boots off before laying down too; their heads all but touching. “I think you’re paranoid.”

“Eh? Para..? No, you’re meant to say that it’s all his fault and that he’s a bastard!” Reita glanced over at Uruha, waiting for some reasoning behind his comment.

“I think you’re both as bad as each other! You’ve spent, how long is it? Six months literally living in each other’s pockets with nothing else to do with your time except Gazette.”

“And sex… We’ve had a lot of sex. Don’t forget that, it’s important!”

“Yes, silly me. How could I forget. But anyway…” Uruha didn’t want to talk about sex, that was more than clear. “Your honeymoon period is over I guess. You can’t expect to carry on like that for ever, can you?”

Player one has entered the game.

“But why hasn’t he told that guy at Harugin about us? Why is he talking about calling girls?”

Player two has entered the game.

"Why are you even worrying about it?!"

Player one has left the game.

Uruha put the controller down infront of the TV and reached over to light himself a cigarette before scooting back on his futon to lean against the wall. He didn't look at Reita, he didn't need to see the other's reaction because he just assumed the bassist knew what he was about to say. It was meant to be a reminder, not a bombshell.

"He loves you though, doesn't he? It's just him, Aki. The same way he's always been. Trying to please everyone and not really thinking about what he's getting himself into." He inhaled deeply and let the smoke seep out from between slightly parted lips.

Player two has left the game.

"Loves me? What makes you think that?" Reita was alert now. He knew Ruki and Uruha were close and that they talked about stuff. But for the "L" word to be mentioned regarding either of their feelings, unless it was in the climax of breathy hedonistic passion, was unheard of. Or at least that's what Reita thought.

"He never stops telling you, dumbass. Everytime you take centre stage he says it... Shit! I always thought you heard him! Oh and on the bus too, after lives... you know when you two do that incredibly sickenning "oh-we're-so-tired-lets-lean-on-each-other" thing? He always whispers it then too..." Uruha shrugged and inhaled more blue/grey smoke. "It's kinda quaint actually. I think he's just a romantic at heart. You should play on that, do something nice for him."

"Like what? Seriously Shima, I'm about as romantic as a kick in the balls."

"You'll think of something. How about," Uruha leant over again to grind the stub of his cigarette around the ashtray a few times, "How about something that doesn't revolve around sex? Now there's a challenge for you!" He grinned his wide infectious grin and nudged Reita's controller with his foot.

Player one has entered the game.

Reita turned all of this information over in his mind for a moment or two. So, Ruki did love him after all... He'd had a sneaky suspicion about it, but he wasn't going to be the first to say it! But what to do? What was romantic? A meal for two, roses, champagne? No, too cheesy. What did Ruki like to do? Where did he like to go? Something they hadn't done for a long time, perhaps?

And then it came to him, it should have been blindingly obvious from the moment he started to think about it. Shimokitazawa... The old clubs.. That one particular bar... The best place to be seen for new and upcoming bands... There was only one:

"I'll take him to Disorder."

Clowns & Jokers 1

Sun, 25 Nov 2007 19:42:19 GMT

Chapter 1

Reita blinked against the darkness, the heavy blackout blinds at the window doing their job more than effectively. The room was colder than necessary, Ruki always liked it freezing in the bedroom, his reasoning being it was “A good reason for getting cosy under the duvet, right?” Like they needed a reason.

He could feel the inevitable result of spending all night curled up against Ruki’s warmth, and dipped his hand down under the covers to tentatively investigate his morning erection - testing to see if it could be ignored or not. Not so long ago, it would have felt almost wrong to touch himself, Ruki’s sexual appetite had never seemed to wane, his onstage energy was almost always reciprocated either later than night or early the next morning. And as it happened, Reita had never been happier, played better or felt more alive as he had on the first half of their Nameless Liberty Six Guns tour.

He pushed himself up onto his elbows and looked towards the door, he couldn’t see anything Ruki related but he knew he wasn’t alone - music was playing along the hall somewhere. And you know, as much as Reita was happy to stay here most of the time, it would have been nice to actually wake up with Ruki once in a while.

It wasn't so long ago that they had been waking up together; arms and legs entwined, the shock of black and red hair resting against his chest or sometimes, wonderfully busy at his groin reminding him of one of the reasons he would always love Ruki. Of late though, Ruki had a new focus in his life. Two of his other passions, drawing and jewellery, brought together strangely enough all thanks to PSC; Reita knew it would be infinitely mean of him to complain about the long hours Ruki spent huddled over his papers, sketching, thinking, trying not to smoke and always always searching for those final designs which would be made and sold to those who just couldn’t be without a Ruki original. He was selfish to want to take up all of Ruki’s time and he knew it. So he remained quietly in the background, behaving as he always did and obediently obliging when the singer needed a break from his pencils.

Begrudgingly, Reita dragged himself out from under the warm covers, it was late March, 18 years Heisei and by the numbers on the clock it was seven thirty am. He didn’t even know there were two half past sevens, and he certainly didn’t agree with it! This is too fucking early for anyone to be willingly up and about… Without thinking he wrapped himself up in Ruki’s robe, he’d all but taken it over in recent weeks and it was losing it’s Ruki-ness, the distinct subtle spiced jasmine of Ruki’s most loved cologne, and smelling more and more like himself.

Scuffing his slippered feet down the hall, it was thirty nine steps to the sofa here, not the thirty five of his own home, he yawned emphatically as he collapsed into a heap on the sofa and instinctively reached for the TV remote. Silent TV; no need for sound, just moving pictures to distract from the overall stillness of the room. He looked over at Ruki, sitting at the table his back a perfect curve, good posture was not conducive to artistic temperament. His hair it’s usual black and red mess, booked in to be blonde by the end of the week and the more recent addition of the small circular patch stuck to his upper arm; delivering it’s measured dose of nicotine and trying, rather unsuccessfully to wean him off those damned Salems.

For a rock star, Ruki could be surprisingly domesticated sometimes. Reita’s nose led him to believe that there was rice, warm and sticky in the cooker and the slightly pungent yet tantalising aroma of miso soup invited him up from the sofa and into the kitchen. He wanted to stop at Ruki’s table and run his hands down the singers bare arms; feel every gentle curve of muscle under his fingers and soft warm skin against his lips. He wanted to kiss his way north, following the curve of Ruki’s shoulder and neck, teasing him into turning his head and giving him that look. It could melt hearts, that look and it so often did. The barely there smile, teasing his lips up, rounding his cheeks and dancing in his eyes with the brightest of sparks that no coloured contact lense or clear glasses could hide.

He knew just how he felt about Ruki; he’d look at him and shout it so fucking loud in his head that it made his senses spin. He doubted he’d ever, ever tell him though. No, perhaps he’d say it the day Ruki did... But he walked right past the scribbler and out onto the balcony for his appetiser.

It was fresh that time of the morning, the cool air out on the balcony could rival the coldness in the bedroom that was for sure. If he leant over the railing just a little and looked down the corridor of similar balconies, TV aerials and bicycles he would see the lights at the top of the Tower blinking their continuous rhythm. Footsteps; a guy in a dark grey suit ran along the street below, heading for the underground station just near the entrance to Ruki’s building. Reita watched the man rush past, the ash from his own cigarette fluttering after him with the morning breeze. He pulled Ruki’s robe further around him and decided that being outside with bare legs was not a good idea at this time of morning.

Reita heaped some rice into one bowl and ladled out some soup into another, picking out all the remaining cubes of tofu and eating them there at the counter. He leant back against the cupboard and watched the drawer for a few moments, sipping his breakfast as he did so. Ruki had stopped scribbling and was staring at his pad. The table was remarkably clear for once, the usual piles of screwed up and discarded paper were not here today. Something was different.

Rice bowl in hand, shovelling the stuff into his mouth with the swiftness that only a hungry Reita could muster he wandered over to sit opposite Ruki at the table.

“Morning beautiful…” No response, not even a smile. “Are you OK Taka?” The flow of rice into mouth temporarily stopping, he tilted his head to one side as the concerned look ingrained itself on his features.

“I think I’ve got it…” Ruki looked up at him; the faintest of smiles just touching at the edges of his mouth.

“Well I hope you don’t give it to me!” was the mumbled rice filled reply.

“Funny. No, look.” He pushed the pad over to show Reita what he had been working on; that which would eventually become a bracelet to be proud of. Maltese cross, skulls, guns - very Ruki. Wringing his fingers together, Ruki tried desperately to gauge the reaction from across the table. Silence so far, “What do you think? Do you like it? Aki? Do you think he’ll like it?”

Do you think he’ll like it. The “he” in question was Matsuda Haruki, owner of Harugin and unmistakably a large part of the current wedge that was slipping in between the two of them. Reita hadn’t met him but was assured that he was a nice guy; a big guy! Funny too and something of a socialite… Ruki had fallen too easily into Matsuda’s little group of bar dwellers and to be perfectly honest, it was beginning to annoy the hell out of Reita. He liked a drink just as much as the next man… and he didn’t like being left out.

“Well? Do you like it?” Ruki reached over to reclaim his drawing from Reita’s fingertips but the bassist wasn’t letting go.

“It’s okaaaay… Perhaps if you…” Reita snatched the pad fully back from Ruki and found himself a pen. One, two little swipes with the marker and a few squeaks here and there and he was finished adjusting Ruki’s idea. He smiled and pushed the paper back over, knowing that Ruki would get the more than obvious hint.

Ruki looked critically at the amendment Reita had made… he turned the paper around, held it up to the light and scowled at it some more, keeping the paper in front of his eyes just enough to look at Reita but not enough to show his grin. The bassist, arms folded over his chest, sat back and wiggled his eyebrows in anticipation. Watching him from over the top of the sketch pad in silence Ruki knew that it was inevitable what was going to have to happen. He knew that the robe, his robe was really snug; he knew that Reita was soft skin and toned muscle underneath it and he knew that he would obey the guitarist’s request to the letter.

“So? What do you think to my suggestion?” Reita slid his finger under the belt and loosed it’s knot, his fingers lingering underneath the black fabric reminding him (as if he could have forgotten) that he was still painfully aroused.

“Well…” Ruki replaced his graffiti laced drawing on the table and stretched his arms above him, running his fingers through his hair to complete the movement. “I don’t think it’s such a good idea, I mean…” He rested his elbows together on the table top and leant forward, keeping the smirking bassist in constant direct view. “Suck my dick? Come on Rei,” he purred, “You can do better than that.”

“I’m direct and to the point, I thought you liked that about me. So,” he parted the robe over his thighs and spread his legs, showing Ruki what was troubling him and rubbing himself through his shorts in anticipation, “Are you going to help me with this, or not?”

“Well… I guess I’ve got a couple of minutes spare. I mean, there’s the dishes to do…” He leant back over his pad and picked up a pen, keeping Reita just on the top edge of his line of sight as he doodled. “The floor needs sweeping, I bet you didn’t make the bed…”

“Fine! I get the hint… fuck off Suzuki, I’m busy! Ok, ok…” Reita stood up in a flurry of towelling robe, messy hair and scraping chairs. He strode determinedly over to the TV and rummaged around in the cupboard next to it for a DVD. Ruki continued to watch him, not overly sure what his plan was. Obviously, he’d realised Ruki was just joking, hadn’t he?

Reita slumped down on the couch and pressed play, he could hide the smirk on his face but made no attempt to hide his arousal. Pulling his shorts down, he threw them across the room - landing just short of Ruki’s chair. Ruki turned his head slightly, noting the discarded underwear with a raised eyebrow of suspicion.

The opening seconds of a well recognised concert snapped his head around like a jack-in-the-box… The familiar screaming, familiar opening track then a very familiar guitar riff…

“Tell me you are not about to masturbate to M.R.D?”

“Why the fuck not?” Reita’s eyes fluttered closed for a second as he rubbed his thumb over the seeping end of his erection and took himself in hand. He met the tempo of Social Riots with efficient and well practiced ease, his thighs tensing and relaxing in alternate rhythm to the movement of his hand. It was a struggle to get the words out but he managed it, “If you won’t… do it for me in person… riots riots riots… then I’ll just have to… use my… uhhhhh… imagination…”

“You dirty son of a…” Ruki lost his pen and the rest of his sentence somewhere on the table top, nearly tripping over the chair leg as he scrambled to his feet. He slid down onto his knees, the tiles polished enough to let him slide over to crash into the sofa. Their lips met with force, passion overwhelming Ruki - he couldn’t believe that Reita had the balls to actually sit and openly masturbate in front of him to one of Gazette's DVDs!

He groped blindly for Reita’s moving hand, wrapping his fingers around fingers and not wanting to stop kissing, not for a moment! And then words were mumbled against Ruki’s lips, Reita not caring to breathe, only to speak.

“You… look at you… fucking with the crowd…”

“Yeah,” Ruki licked the side of Reita’s face, not sensually nor provocatively - just plain dirty, running his tongue along the slight roughness of two days unshaven skin. “And you know what? I imagined fucking you every… single… time… forcing it in and out of you… making you gasp and cry and beg for it…” He took Reita’s free hand in his and pressed it over his heart, the racing pulse all too noticeable. Increasing his speed - he’d make him come before the song ended - “You make me feel so alive…”

Reita’s cheek glistened with the saliva, but he didn’t have the inclination to care as Ruki’s words wormed their way into his subconscious, grabbing him with force and shaking the orgasm from his body. His fingers tensing, grasping at Ruki’s sleeveless shirt and bruising the flesh beneath. The singer’s hand over his own, guiding it, pointing out where he'd been going wrong all these years and showing him that no Ruki would be such a bad bad thing.

Reita’s juddering moan was lost in the sound from the DVD and although he was lying down, he still managed to collapse further into the sofa. He would disappear here, become one with the cushions and sink into an infinity free from worries and pain, just contaminated with the intoxicating rush he felt when he was with Ruki.

A mobile phone buzzing broke the post high silence. Ruki reached over and picked it up, intending to read the message and put it back and then, maybe take Reita back to bed for an hour or so before getting dressed and having a life that didn’t revolve around incredibly good sex.

“It’s Matsuda. I’d better call him.” Ruki stood up, wiping his Reita soiled hand on the leg of his pyjama bottoms and pressed call. He wandered away from the sofa, over towards the window and stared out across to the next building.

“Hey, it’s Ruki, you know from Gaz… Yeah hi! You wanted me?”

“Hey Ruki… I’ve got some test pieces made up. I thought you might want to come and see. You‘re not busy are you?”

“Wow, that’s excellent news! I’ll be over as soon as I can… No, I’m not busy… nothing planned… I’ll see you in a couple of hours, OK?” He couldn’t hold back the grin that leapt across his features as he turned to Reita. “We’re rockin’ baby! Matsuda’s got some things made up ready! From my ideas! It’s really happening, this is fucking it!”

“I’m pleased for you, seriously. Hey, why don’t I come with you?” Reita pulled himself together and pulled the robe back around his legs. Something was wrong, he could have sworn Ruki had shrunk back into the corner at least 3 feet.

“Uh… you’d be bored. You wouldn’t like it. It’s in this crappy little market… you… I…” Ruki trailed his excuses into nothing. Why was the thought of Reita at Harugin such a foreign one? Why did he want to keep those two things so very separate and distant? Looking for a way out, his only exit was to the bathroom. Which he took and quickly threw himself under the shower. He heard the door sliding open and then shut, correctly assuming that Reita had gone for a cigarette. A moment or so later and he appeared in the steam, taking a seat crosslegged on the floor.

“Don’t you want me there or something?” He was genuinely offended! They’d been inseparable up until the moment Ruki stepped off the tour bus fresh from Aomori a couple of days earlier and had been given Harugin’s number. It was only ten days ago… ten days. Surely things couldn’t change that much in such a short period?

“Well… uh of course I want you there. It’s just…” Ruki rubbed himself all over in no particular pattern just to get dried quickly, his captive audience watching his every move. “I never really thought about you taking an interest I guess!” He wandered out into the bedroom and then reappeared minus towel and plus shorts with a pair of dark red cord jeans across his arm which he proceeded to slide into.

“Hmm… I guess I should have a shower and make an effort. Don’t want your new friends thinking your boyfriend’s a scruffy fucker.”

Ruki pulled on a white T-shirt and opened his favourite door. Glasses, some clear most dark and a shelf devoted to hats. His beloved “stuff”. He pulled a plain black knitted hat and black shades out to put to one side… debated if he should paint his nails or not - he decided not - and sat on the end of the bed to wait for Reita.

He stared at the reflection that did nothing but stare back, the all too familiar flat features and usual map of bumps and blemishes that made up his face. He sighed, falling backwards onto the unmade sheets… “Boyfriend…”

Clowns & Jokers Prologue

Sun, 25 Nov 2007 19:41:08 GMT

Prologue

Peace and Smile, right?

“You’re really serious, aren’t you?” Uruha bit his lip as he looked across to the man on his right, frowning enough to feel it but not for Ruki to notice. The singer rubbed his hands together and grinned his well practiced malevolent grin.

“Yes. I’m going to teach him a fucking lesson.” Ruki pushed his palms flat against each other, flexing his fingers menacingly. He’d seen someone do it on TV and thought it looked supremely evil, so he copied. “Revenge is the sweetest candy, ‘Ruha…”

Uruha’s inward sigh was lost on the scheming singer next to him. He looked down the staggered seating towards the stage where Kai was going through his sound check with the drum technician Ueda, towel firmly around his neck as always. Ueda would say something and Kai would nod emphatically or wrinkle up his nose if he disagreed, eventually nodding anyway.

There was the usual but small audience too; leaning against one of the crowd easing barriers stood Gazette’s most loyal fan. Fellow PSC Company Ltd employee, bassist and friend, Nao was doing his best to look casual but it was all too clear to the informed eye that he was there for more reasons than just wasting time.

“What about Suzuki?” Uruha pushed his hair out of his eyes, tucking some longer sections back behind his ear, “What’s his opinion on all of this?”

“Same as me,” Ruki stood up and straightened first the front of his jeans, then the bracelet catching on his shirt cuff. “Not pissed off… not angry…” He patted Uruha on the head as he pushed past him, dislodging the neatly arranged clip that held the guitarist’s hair back. Trotting one step at a time down towards the standing area, he called back, “He just needs to experience a little Matsumoto justice, that’s all.”

“This isn’t going to be pleasant…” the guitarist muttered to himself as he watched the smaller figure of his friend casually slide up against Nao and hook his arm around his waist. Nao looked down at the hand and said something but from his seat high up, Uruha couldn’t hear what it was. And as Ruki’s hand appeared to be more than happy caressing Nao’s hip, Uruha thought it would be a good idea for him to move a little closer to the stage… just in case he was needed. Because now there was something more for the audience to watch; Reita had joined the lone drummer and the two were about to run through the microphone levels for their usual encore-induced drum and bass solo. He said something to Ueda who smirked for a moment then disappeared stage right leaving just the musicians.

Part of Reita actually wished the house lights were off, he could only hide his feelings about this little “game” for so long and the sooner it was all over the better. Fair enough, it was a good way - the only way as Ruki had said - to exact some revenge on Kai and extract a confession from him at the same time. Jealousy shouldn’t have come into it at all, he knew Ruki would never cheat on him and especially not right in front of him! He plucked the strings of his bass to no tune watching the other man, his man, flirt shamelessly with Nao. Ruki sure knew how to turn on the charm, no one could deny that. Perhaps he’d done it to Reita at some point in time and the bassist had been too blinded to notice, perhaps that’s what had originally ensnared him. Ruki’s flirting was almost subliminal, he had a knack of making the most innocent and friendly gestures and comments all sound like You’re going to cry my name and beg for more. In all honesty, Nao didn’t stand a chance.

Kai beat a slow and steady rhythm on the bass drum; sound checking was a boring but necessary evil. The voice shouted from the back of the hall to make the change to snare. Kai looked up in the direction of the desk and nodded in confirmation; he shot a quick glance in Nao’s direction to share a smile and a nod. He didn’t expect to see Ruki there and standing so close to him too. Too close…

The drummer had no idea what Ruki was saying, all he could see was his arm around Nao’s slim hips. A place where only his hands had any right to be for any length of time; he shifted uncomfortably on his stool, aiming to get a better look at the floor but his view was obscured by the bassist facing him over the front of his kit. He wanted to jump up and rush over, mark his territory and hiss at the invader of his personal space… but how would he explain that?

“What do you suppose they’re so deep in conversation about?” He tried, he honestly did try to sound quite nonchalant about this question. It should have just been a passing statement, an observation of two men that generally, didn’t say more than a few amicable words to each other as work mates do.

Reita had rehearsed these lines over and over in his head a hundred times that morning. Ever since Ruki had burst back into the hotel room the night before telling him of all he had overheard and what he had deduced from it. Tales of Uruha and Aoi; of Kai and Nao… Gazette gossip a-plenty for sure. He’d had to endure Ruki pacing up and down, running over a hundred and one reasons that could lead to what he’d heard; coming up with plots and schemes to expose what he supposed was and only could be the biggest lying FUCK-YOU that Kai could have dealt.

The fact that Aoi and Uruha had obviously done something with each other had been made crystal clear that morning when Reita and a sleepy Ruki had been dragged backstage by a rather angry Kimura and asked to explain the scene of drunken debauchery, complete with dubious dirty tissues, spilt make up and empty beer bottles; not to mention their crumpled up “Cassis” clothes that they’d been due to wear that night. “You think we’d fuck in our stage clothes? What kind of sick world do you live in Kimura?” had been the first reaction from the singer, which he’d received a verbal warning for. And the ripped black and red remains of his shirt had gotten him another black mark on his already tarnished PSC career record. The guitarists had said nothing.

“It’s a beautiful thing, isn’t it?” Reita meant these words but only when it was him who Ruki was staring at with his perfectly innocent yet completely seductive gaze. “If you’d have told me a year ago…” He stepped up onto the drum riser, dropping his voice to nothing more than a purr, “That I was going to have a threesome… let alone with two men…” This was so not him, completely not the sort of thing he would ever say. Kai would see right through it for sure…

“I beg your pardon? What did you just say?” His grip increased tenfold on the drumsticks he held, the confused anger showing itself on his furrowed brow.

“Can we keep this moving? Snare drum please!” The voice from the back of the hall was now unwelcome, Kai didn’t have time to nod or acknowledge or respond accordingly. Not now! Not until he had an explanation for what Reita had just said.

“Threesome Yuta, you know…” He leaned closer; ok, he did so love to antagonize Kai like this. The sooner he just admitted he was as queer as the rest of them the better! “Three hot guys Yutaka, touching… kissing… fucking… Shit, I‘m getting hard just thinking about…”

As he hoped, the last words was more than enough to finish Kai. He flew up from behind the drum kit and pushed past Reita, crashing into his bass and causing it to emit a feedback laced, angry throbbing growl. Across the stage in two bounds and onto the floor in a heartbeat, the infuriation sparking from him, drumsticks still in hand.

“Get your fucking hands off him!”

~#THUMP#~

Reita handed his bass to Ueda who had re-appeared in time to see the commotion on the floor. Kai bent double, coughing up his anger and holding his stomach where Ruki had just punched him.

“I think that makes us even.” The singer pulled a cigarette from his pocket and lit it, inhaling deeply before he even realised what he was doing.

“Matsumoto!” A hush fell over the assembled few, the icy chill that had suddenly descended very apparent. All present took one careful step back from Ruki. “Upstairs NOW!” Kimura’s tone cut through them all like a knife but the avenged Ruki couldn’t care less. He’d got even with Kai and that was all that mattered… and he was sure Kimura had it in for him anyway. This would just be one more page in his already full-to-bursting file. He was sure he could think up even more ways to annoy her on their one man tour in the new year; and with this thought firmly in his brain, Ruki followed her diligently up the stairs flicking his cigarette end onto the floor but only when he was ready.

Nameless Black Moral

Kai sat upright with a start, his head coming into abrupt contact with the low ceiling above him. He’d had that dream again… the GAY one. The one where Nao did have a threesome with Reita and Ruki and he’d watched it and loved it and Ruki had beckoned him over and they’d touched him and wanted him and… then it ended as it had in reality with Ruki thumping him in the gut. There would be no more sleeping for Kai tonight, his body buzzing with the adrenaline from his imaginary voyeurism would not rest. He fumbled under his pillow and plugged himself into music, melting away so easily as his senses were fulfilled by blissful heavy drums and dirty bass guitars. He didn’t hear the noises from along the tour bus.

“Aki…” Ruki’s whisper, aimed at the darkness around him heavy with insomnia. He lay silent for a breath or two, with only the sounds of sleep and traffic replying to his words then poked the soft underside of the bunk above him with his foot.

“Akira… are you awake?” Still no response; Ruki shifted uncomfortably under his quilt, his erection was taking a lot of ignoring. One thing and one thing only would ease him out of this troublesome situation, and that thing seemed to be unconscious in the bunk above him.

It had been six months since Ruki and Reita confessed that it would be more than friendship for them, and now a single bunk did not a happy Ruki hold. He’d become so used to having Reita taking up all of his bed, stealing his sheets and sleeping with his eyes open… not to mention sex literally on demand.

He peered into the dim half light of the bus, the steady pulse of orange illuminating the insides as street lights passed outside. No movement came from the two bunk beds opposite his and the soft murmurs coming from further down the bus, beyond the curtain that separated off the sleeping area confirmed that Gazette’s guitarists were not asleep. He swung his legs over the edge of the little cubicle that housed his bedding and stood up to carefully make his way, warm footed against cool laminate down the bus to where Kai’s bunk was at the other end.

The drummer appeared to be asleep too; his eyes were closed which was a good sign. Ruki crept closer to him, listening for the measured easy breathing that signified sleep. Kai’s perspective was well known to him; sex was meant to be off limits on the bus. It was one of the “rules” in their respective contracts; easier for Kai to adhere to though as Nao didn’t tour with them. For Ruki though, his addiction was there 24/7.

He didn’t expect him to speak.

“Go away, Matsumoto. I’m listening to music and my eyes are closed. I don’t want to know what they’re doing and I can only guess what it is you want to do.” He held up his iPod and flicked the little backlight on, illuminating his eyes with a luminescent blue glow. “Just, just keep it down ok? If I hear you fucking once more I swear I’ll be traumatised for life.”

“You can hear us?!” This was news indeed to the singer, “I thought we were quiet!” Ruki didn’t quite know what to say to Kai. He fiddled with himself, moving his erection from one side of his shorts to the other and quite enjoying the sensation of his own fingers on the sensitive skin. This insistent ache in his shorts needed attention and it needed it now. It couldn’t wait.

“Taka,” Kai turned the iPod around and shone it down onto the singer, hand in shorts, erection in hand. “I can see what you’re doing.” He tilted the little light downwards allowing the blue glow to display Ruki in his half dressed fully aroused state.

“Ok,” Ruki hopped from one foot to the other, “Uh… roll over or something, yeah? I can’t do this if you’re watching…”

“You do it with Shiroyama watching all the time…” Kai turned his volume up a little more and closed his eyes, ignoring any further comments from the vocalist.

Ruki didn’t quite know what to say but he didn’t have the inclination to care. Kai would keep, Reita wouldn’t. Half scampering, half tip-toeing back down the bus he skidded to a halt at his own bunk: and that of Reita. He loved watching him sleep, Ruki honestly thought he could do it indefinitely, just standing there watching Reita breathing in and out - he looked so peaceful and content. His slightly parted lips made a very tempting proposition because, for someone who insisted that this was his first same sex relationship, he had turned out to give damn fine oral sex.

The more Ruki thought about it, the more he looked at Reita’s sleeping lips, he knew that he had to get a certain part of his anatomy between certain parts of Reita’s.

“Akira…” He nudged Reita’s shoulder, almost pawed at it in all truth as he continued to stroke himself awkwardly through his shorts. “Aki… are you awake?”

“I may be… what of it?” Reita’s eyelids fluttered closed then open once more as he eyed the singer with great curiosity. It was blatantly obvious why Ruki was there, but he didn’t care because he had a very similar “problem” of his own. He lifted up the edge of his quilt and shifted over towards the wall, motioning for Ruki to join him. Which he did, pulling himself up into the bunk and happily falling into welcoming arms and kisses he could never tire of, pulling his own shorts down the moment he was under the covers. Rocking against Reita’s hip was nice; the bassists’ hand caressing the small of his back was nicer but the fingers that gave a firm squeeze between his legs were nicest. He moaned against Reita’s chest for in that instant, it was all he could do.

Kai rolled over in his own bed and sighed. There were no streetlamps now, just darkness outside and the noise of passing traffic. Everyone’s having fun except me! It was reasons like this that the still disapproved of complications like relationships in the band… Uruha and Aoi, well they hadn’t actually said what it was that they stayed up late doing most nights but after that eventful night in Osaka when Kimura had found all those empty beer bottles and messed up makeup and interesting stains on Cassis clothes that their owners strongly denied any knowledge of… well no one had blushed more or fidgeted as much as those two. They’d done something and he didn’t know what; but all the time he wasn’t doing something similar with Nao… he was going to be grumpy as hell and the others would sure know about it!

And so, that’s how the first half of their tour had turned out. Most nights seeing the singer creep into the bed of the bassist, sometimes it was the other way around; the guitarists doing whatever the hell it was they did together and the drummer trying his hardest to ignore them all.

Closed Doors

Sun, 25 Nov 2007 19:36:11 GMT

They were lucky, no two ways about it. It wasn’t often that they played at places like this but some gods somewhere or another were smiling on PSC that winter. Because half way through tripping around the islands, the Peace and Smile Carnival tour reigned it’s horses in Osaka for the night. And what a concert hall! Not just in the basement, no it was at least three floors worth of B B1 B2 all topped off by 15 floors of four star hotel above. Amazing? Yeah, and as I said, bloody lucky. Because normally, you know they’d have been staying either on their respective busses driving through the night or in a modestly priced hotel. This was most certainly a “one off” to be taken advantage of!

The sound checks had been done, roadies had tapped microphones, teamsters had drank coffee and that guy who always walks around the stage looking busy and important had, well walked around looking busy and important. Aoi, from his vantage point high up in the back row could see him well. He plucked half heartedly at the strings of his guitar which lay across his knees, feet on the chair in front providing an excellent position for playing.

So far, the tour had been good. Everything seemed to have gone to plan… ok there had been a few surprises and plenty of laughs… namely poor Keiyuu who had lost that damn bet with Miyavi. If only he’d realised that those stupid pedometers - well you could just sit and shake them and they’d clock up “magical” steps! Naturally, Miyavi knew this and had used it to his advantage; Keiyuu donning an obscenely large bowtie and that stupid wind up nose/moustache combination and helping the Meev out with his tomfoolery every night had been the forfeit he would pay.

So, that’s the laughs covered because it was funny, very funny. As for the surprises? Well, all of Kai’s worries regarding Reita and Ruki’s secret were more than founded. They hadn’t all out told anyone but it was bloody hard to not figure it out! They just didn’t seem all that bothered about hiding it any more; knee against knee, shoulder against shoulder… Oh! And Ruki had practically held Reita’s hand when he knew damn well that a photographer was present.

Aoi looked over at them now, sitting together a couple of rows in front perfectly silhouetted by the bright lights of the stage. The singer sitting sideways, his legs over the arm of the next chair leaning back against the bassist. Who, every now and again, his head would drop and, Aoi presumed, they would kiss. He watched the two for some time, the carefully outlined profile of the singer would lean back a little and look up at Reita, yes - he could be obnoxiously cute at times. And Aoi knew, the bassist would melt as he always did; his softer side held no resistance to Ruki at all and he would run his fingers through Ruki’s dark hair, smoothing it away from his face or sometimes, he’d just look at him. Sit and stare at him for minutes - Aoi noted that he must ask Reita sometime what it was he was thinking about during those frequent silences!

And as always, they couldn’t care less who saw. From a slack jawed Hiroto who blatantly stared as he stumbled up the steps past them, choosing to trip over his own feet rather than take his eyes off them for a second to the ever tight lipped Kimura, immaculately casual in a tour Tshirt and jeans. It was her who would catch them with a perfect icy stare that cooled their passion for a time and shifted them apart… but only until her back was safely turned once again.

He could really use some of that frosty glare himself, in the month? two? Since Ruki and Reita had been together he’d never had so many covert and sneaky erections or swift releases by his own hand… the hand which had now just slipped under his guitar, hey it was dark back here after all, and they were so damn hot together… the silhouette now plainly picking out impossibly soft caresses from one tongue to another which Aoi desperately tried to mirror with his own fingers on himself. Someone sat heavily in the seat behind him. Uruha.

He knew, that if he looked around he would probably die of embarrassment. Friends, close friends that they were, he wasn’t sure if he wanted Uruha to know that he was in the habit of quietly pleasuring himself under his guitar whilst watching his band mates’ intimacy. He tried to play it cool, looking for an easy way of removing the offending digits from his shorts without Uruha noticing.

“They’re at it again.” Uruha said, very matter-of-factly. “If they’re sharing a room, I hope it’s not next to mine.” Aoi could hear his voice change as if - yes! He was leaning back and stretching his arms high above his head. “I need my beauty sleep!”

Aoi took that as his cue to whip the hand out of his shorts and casually teased the guitar strings once more. “Beauty sleep? The live’s tomorrow night! I really don’t think there’s time…”

It was Uruha’s booted foot that nudged the back of his head, accompanied by a loosely thrown, “Bastard.”

“Yeah, but you love me.” Aoi turned around in time to catch the one perfect eyebrow that had raised itself in subtle questioning. “Anyway, they’re not sharing. Taka’s next to me and I think they’ve put Aki somewhere down the hall on purpose.”

“Love you huh? I’d either have to be very desperate… or very drunk for that to be true!” He laughed, that easy smile of his spreading to a very inelegant grin; perfect teeth though. “And if you think a hotel corridor is going to keep those two apart… well,” that same infectious laughter coming freely now and Aoi couldn’t help but snigger and then laugh along with him, “I’d be ready for a sleepless night if I were you!” He kicked his feet against the back of Aoi’s chair, nudging him forward with an increasing and familiar rhythm: nudge : bounce : nudge : bounce… “Taka… uhhn… uhhnn…. Yeessss…” Rounding it all off with another swift prod to the back of Aoi's head with one heel.

“Don’t do that!” To what Aoi was referring could be anyone’s guess. The knock to his head was annoying, but not nearly as troublesome as Uruha’s albeit fake, lust filled breathy moans. His mobile phone vibrating happily in his pocket did nothing for calming his now quickly returning erection. Uruha fumbled around for his own phone and the same must have been true for the two further down the hall because much creaking of plastic chair could be heard as Ruki stood and hauled the bassist to his feet.

Anyone fancy a drink? I’m buying. K (^_^)//

Up the steps they came - no longer joined at the lips Reita followed by hands stuffed in pockets Ruki. “Why is he in the bar already? I would have thought that a night off and he’d be on the first ‘plane back to Tokyo to see his girlfriend.” The taller of the two reached them first and slapped his arm around Aoi’s shoulder. “All right, old man?”

“Or talking to her all night on the phone.” Two steps later and Ruki had caught up and was now running his hands through his newly completed hair - the general shortness he’d bestowed upon himself in his anger had grown a little and found it’s self complemented by vivid red extensions over his ear and providing the lost length at the front. He still looked a lot different to all of the promotional pictures for The Tour and yes, he had been right; he would be blonde again before Spring.

“Do you think we’ll ever meet her? I mean,” Ruki stopped mid sentence, looking up sharply. Until now, he’d been too busy unwrapping and then popping a piece of chewing gum into his mouth to notice Reita’s arm around the guitarist. But now he did, it was nothing more than a shot of jealousy that blasted from somewhere deep within. A cold jolt through his gut from the gush of adrenaline which suddenly set his body on alert. The obligatory onstage fan service was one thing and he’d just about managed to not punch the guitarist on more than a couple of occasions; sliding up along side Reita and blatantly rubbing against him as he tended to do… yeah it was jealousy and he noticed it more now than ever.

But, it was unfounded and senseless; it was just plain and pointless jealousy. And for no reason - Suzuki and Shiroyama had been friends for too long to not be that comfortable around each other. He chewed on that discontent and swallowed it deep down, knowing full well that it would rise at an appropriate time and inspire him to the lyrical highs PSC had come to expect of him. Instead, he finished his comment as all of a sudden the realisation that his thought process had kept him quiet for a minute or more. “I mean, he’s been so accepting lately. She must have one hell of an influence on him.”　

The aimless chat continued whilst Aoi trotted down the many steps towards the stage in order to correctly deposit his guitar in it’s rack. (You can read that as palm it off on the nearest stage monkey and leg it back up the stairs two at a time).

“Right, let’s go!”

It was late when the PSC rooms became occupied. As drinking goes, it had been pretty uneventful. Well, as uneventful as a hotel bar full of twenty-something musicians could be. No one was quite sure where the karaoke machine had come from, it could have been there all along but naturally, singing had ensued. The highlight for many had been Saga’s rendition of the Madonna classic “Like a Virgin”. The combination of his fitful English and the languished stroking of himself through the touched for the very fist time parts had most people in stitches. Some even said that Kimura and a couple of the other artist management executives had smiled at one point - there was no proof of this though!

..*..thud..*..thud..*..thud..*..

Twenty minutes now, at least. The banging punctuated by moans and gasps - it could have been either of them - no names were mentioned. Aoi lay back against the wall feeling the continuing vibrations through the flimsy plasterboard. He looked down to the cup in his hand, the cloudy sake rippled in time with the knocking - a bizarre mental picture of Jurassic Park sprang to his forethoughts and made him laugh a little. I wonder who fucks who… They’d never said and even though Aoi had asked on many occasions, they’d never let on. And really, they probably never would.

He sipped his drink as the fucking continued in the room next door. He pictured Ruki naked and horny, sweat glistening between his shoulder blades and groaning with pleasure as he pounded into Reita’s ass. The hair around his face and on the back of his neck would be damp and clinging to his skin, he’d probably still have his chain on and it’s heavy cross would be swinging under his chin as he leant forward. He’d have his hands on Reita’s hips - maybe one flat against the small of his back, holding him in place.

Or, or would it be the other way around? Was it Reita leaning against the headboard with his legs spread wide in front, the singer straddling him? Was he having the fuck of his life whilst rubbing his long bassist’s fingers up and down Ruki’s prominent hard on?

“Mmmmm….” The groan escaped his own lips before he realised what he was doing, his own hand having slipped inside his shorts as he matched time with those next door. This was wrong. How could it be right? Listening to two of your closet male friends having sex together and masturbating along for the ride? Naaaaaa… he didn’t care about that, Aoi cared about the nerve jumping in his leg and the beating of his pulse and the timing of his hand and the noises from the room next door that were getting faster, faster, louder, louder, more and more and more and…

“Akira… I’m going to c…….”

Aoi squeezed his eyes tight closed as the pink flush rose from his chest and splashed his face with heat as he splashed his hand with sticky white cum. He couldn’t stop moving, the momentum was too much; again and again and again his heart clawing up to his throat and bursting out with a scream of pleasure. His mind racing and his fantasy fading, changing, the blur of those next door merging together… One face, one name, one man who stalked his orgasms with persistent regularity.

~#~KNOCK~#~KNOCK~#~

Uruha crossed his legs, and lay back on the sofa, their rooms were non-smoking and that was what forced him into the hall. Inhaling the cigarette smoke that was surely slowly killing him he stared blankly out across the lights of Osaka towards the castle. Yes yes, very picturesque. Something was not right, here he was young single and well, reasonably good looking sitting alone in a hotel corridor smoking his life away. Where were his friends? Where were his band mates? Surely someone, somewhere must be doing something more interesting than staring at the skyline...

He ground the remains of the cigarette into the nearest ashtray, hung his head backwards over the arm rest and closed his eyes. Soft footsteps interrupted his thoughts and he looked up to see Kagrra’s bassist sneak by. And sneak past he did, for when Uruha said his name, the poor guy visibly jumped.

“Hey... Nao. Why have you got a bottle of champagne behind your back?” Uruha sat upright, smiling at the other guitarist. This could just be the more interesting that he had hoped for.

Nao was stunned. He had told Kai it was not a good idea to meet up that night, there were too many people around with too many nosey prying eyes and ears all too willing to stick them into their business. He stared blankly at the blonde who was now leaning over the back of the sofa staring back at him. What the hell am I going to say!!? Just off to fuck your drummer?

“Uh.. Um…” Please ground, open up and swallow me whole!

Uruha’s room was probably three doors down the hall from the little smoking area he was occupying so the opening of the room next to his caught his attention. Oh it’s only Yuta… Kai didn’t see Uruha sitting there, he just smiled and stepped out towards Nao. It was the smile Uruha recognised, that same stupid smile that had lived on his face since he’d met Nao….ki? His black shirt unbuttoned and loose down to the tops of his leather trousers, he leant back against the door frame and beckoned the bassist to him.

“Are you going to stand out here all night, or do I have to come and get you?” Kai loved that vacant, sometimes dopey look Nao had perfected, the way his bottom lip dropped in a vague questioning of his surroundings. It was too tempting, too easy to not care for their own well laid rules and too easy to step barefoot onto the plush carpet of the hallway and go fetch the man inside.

It didn’t occur to Kai that Nao might actually be looking at something, or someone… He blushed as he always did when approaching him and looked away, not daring to catch the bassist’s eye least he blush even more! And so, eyes turned towards the floor, he smelt Nao before touching him - the white jasmine infused scent that lingered on Kai’s bed sheets and clothes long after they had parted; it was familiar to him now and caused his heart to race just at the faintest aroma. Lifting Nao’s hand in his own he kissed those fingers so very tenderly. “Come on, before this gets warm.” Noticing the bottle of champagne only after he had left that lingering kiss on the bassists hand, “Are you ok?” Now, leaning forward to press his lips gently over the other’s slightly parted ones, Kai’s hand lingered at the low neck of Nao’s shirt and it was then, and only then he followed his line of sight to see just what he was staring at.

“Kai. You sly mother fucker.” Uruha’s words curled through his smile that rapidly spread into a query. “When Matsumoto finds out… Shit buddy! You’re going to be so dead they’re going to have to bury you twice.” The boring night had most certainly just got a little more interesting!

Uruha turned back to sit on the sofa correctly, watching the shocked reflection of Gazette’s drummer in the mirrored surface of the window. But what’s this?! Uruha couldn’t quite believe it, they were both trying to creep past back into Kai’s room!! Cheeky fuckers! Uruha wanted answers and reasons for Kai’s unforgivable behaviour concerning Gazette’s own resident happy couple! He wasn’t sneaking away from this one…

Lightening quick, Uruha leapt up just as they reached the room; his foot providing a good defence against the rapidly closing door. “Oh no you don’t… explain! You… you were a complete cunt to Taka! You two faced…”

“Kouyou… I’ve already said it. He knows he’s an arsehole and he’s very sorry…” Nao, wrapped his arms very possessively around Kai’s shoulders, free hand slipping past the open shirt collar and resting over Kai’s chest; his ever-so-slight height advantage let him rest his head on Kai’s shoulder as he spoke. The drummer himself remained silent.
“He’s just too much of a chicken-shit to tell anyone… too bothered about your image, and what people will think… He seems to forget he used to prance around in kimono with long curled hair and too much makeup like a fifty yen whore… ouch!!!!!!”

The swift kick to Nao’s shin was more than effective at silencing him, and it also took his arms away from Kai’s neck as he bent down to rub at the injured body part.

Slowly, edging backwards the drummer pushed Nao further past the door whilst saying to Uruha:

“Please, don’t tell them. It’s got to come from me… Don’t make me beg, Takashima, please?”

“No, I won’t tell them. Taka’s never been to good at not shooting the messenger…” The door slammed in his face and he was left looking at the room number. Well, well, well… Kai’s got a little secret! I’ve got to tell Aoi….

The door opened a touch and Kai’s now shirtless form appeared in the gap… “And don’t tell Aoi!!” ~#slam#~

Uruha paused for a fraction of a second, trying to absorb all what had just happened. Naoko was Nao. Man, male, not girlfriend but boyfriend. One step slowly away then another and another and Uruha ran, yes ran down the corridor and around the corner, skidding to a halt outside the other guitarist’s door. Hand poised, ready to knock he stopped short for a second.

What is that noise..?

He knew damn well what it was. Ruki, Reita, two overbearing libido’s and one double bed all crammed into the room next door. Uruha swallowed hard, he’d have to wait out here for a moment now before telling Aoi anything remotely Kai related. He looked down at himself, an amused smirk spreading across his lips. He’d always thought himself a red-blooded male, a ladies man when the need approached and one of the “lads”. But ever since the first occurrences of homosexuality had touched Gazette, he found it increasingly hard to not be interested. He could understand completely what Reita saw in their singer; the blonde… hang on, no wait.. brunette just had one of those smiles that could do nothing but break hearts and an infectious attitude of not giving a fuck one moment then crossing mountains for you the next. He was unpredictable, funny and sometimes damn strange…

There were no signs of the noises ceasing; if anything they had increased in intensity. Uruha felt more than a little uncomfortable in the fact that anyone and everyone could hear them… he was surprised no-one had complained yet. Well, actually no he wasn’t that surprised at all; the dirty bastards were all probably doing much the same as himself. Listening..

“Aki? Taka? Everyone can hear you…” He knocked tentatively on the door, not really sure if he wanted them to know he was outside their room. No dammit! He was being a good friend and doing them a service they might be grateful for when the jibes started backstage the next night!

And then, why oh why now!!! One of the worst things that could have possibly happened - happened, the catch gave way and in complete and utter slow motion the door swung slowly open and the faintest flicker of a TV screen pierced the darkness. Surely, his heartbeat was drowning out their voices, the creaking of the bed springs and the muffled knocking of furniture against wall? His hand, Uruha now noticed, was frozen on the door handle; he couldn’t move - could neither close the door and walk away or push it open and take a good look. Did he really want to be in this situation? It had just gotten a hundredfold worse, if anyone saw him now he’d never live it down…

Still, his hand would not allow that damn door to be closed. Still, he shouldn’t do this. Push, they’d kill him if they saw him now. Push, Aoi would be so jealous… he would have sold his soul to be there at that moment…

The shifting colours, a washed out spectrum of blues and greys picked out the shadows on the singer’s back; his shoulder blades forced together by his hunched pose, leaning forward over the bassist’s body. Reita himself, hardly visible in the half light except for socked foot resting somewhere near Ruki’s left ear, the other leg must have been resting on the sheets somewhere. Uruha was transfixed, not able to take his eyes from the somewhat vocal vocalist’s arse. He’d seen him move like that before - practically every live since Disorder came out, whipping the crowd up with his provocative pelvic performance; although usually he was stood atop a monitor rather than kneeling on a hotel bed fucking his best friend.

It was one of those moments that finished almost before they started; Uruha blinked once, twice and softly closed the door cursing himself under his breath. Breath that caught in his throat at the sight which both repulsed and intrigued him… it should have been a macabre diorama, all played out under the pale flickering gaze of a muted TV. Because, he’d grown up with those two, the three of them as teenage friends constantly taking the piss out of each other, fighting, laughing and ultimately becoming adults together. They’d been in bands since the word “go” and that was how it was always meant to be, wasn’t it? Friends; the three of them, together like in the old days. Not together like that…

Uruha rested his head against the door, he wanted to close his eyes and just breathe. He knew that what he’d just seen in that hotel room would haunt him for the rest of his days.

“Shiro? Are you there?” He knocked frantically on Aoi’s door, the murmurs from the next room had just about ceased and now, he needed to talk to someone who wasn’t going to make him question his own damn sexuality. The one person who could do that could only be the joker prince Aoi; good old Shiroyama. A mans’ man through and through. There was no worry of gayness or ambiguous feelings where he was concerned.

After a second or two, the stifled reply came. “Uruhaaahhhh… just… coming…”

“Just let me in!”

Oh perfect timing, Takashima! Aoi hopped of the bed and scuttled over to the bathroom to find some tissues, hurriedly cleaning himself up before zipping his jeans closed. He could almost hear the crossed arms and the pout that was surely on Uruha’s face; why did he have to arrive outside the room at the very moment he appeared in Aoi’s standard sexual fantasy?

“Ok, ok I’m ready now.” He pulled the door open to find, yes! Crossed arms, glare and pout. “What’s up?”

“I am having the strangest night and I’m just about ready for some boring normality. Pour me a drink. I need it, that’s for sure.” Uruha sat heavily down in the nearest chair, gratefully accepting the cup he was offered. “I’ve just seen Taka and Akira.” He looked up slyly at Aoi, waiting for a response.

It was airy and light, unconvincingly unconcerned. “Oh really? What were they doing?” He ran his fingers around the rim of the cup he held, not daring to catch Uruha’s eye lest it give away anything which may incriminate him regarding his behaviour of ten minutes previously.

“What do you mean, what were they doing? You must have heard! Sex Yuu, they were having sex. The damn door wasn’t closed properly and I knocked to tell them to keep it down and it came open…”

“Just came open, did it?” Aoi smirked into his lap, pleased that any emphasis had been taken away from him and placed firmly at the feet of Uruha. “You pervert. So, who was on top? Akira I bet… no, Taka…” He drained his cup which Uruha promptly refilled for him. “Just tell me for fucks sake!”

“Why are you so bothered, hmm? Anyway, enough about those two; I also met Kai’s significant other…” Uruha crossed his legs, and smiled at Aoi. “She’s nothing like we imagined.”

“No! Really? What here? In the hotel? This I’ve got to see for myself… I bet she’s got huge boobs, hasn’t she?” Aoi bounced on the edge of the bed, managing to go from 26 year old to 14 year old in a matter of seconds. His eyes wide with anticipation, he didn’t even wait for Uruha to refill his cup…

“It’s Nao.” The blonde one made it sound like the most matter-of-fact occurrence in the world, just like if he’d told him the time or how the weather was. Aoi’s perplexed expression did little to assure him that all was clear. “Bassist Nao? PSC employee Nao? MALE Nao?!”

Sake erupted from between his lips, the news causing him to spit the latest mouthful of drink sufficiently far enough to splatter Uruha’s foot. He coughed the words out, there was no chance of regaining his composure in time to talk. “You are fucking kidding! Yutaka’s gay?! Oh my fucking fuck… Have you told Matsumoto? He will blow a fucking fuse!”

“No, funnily enough they didn’t look like they were in the mood for talking.” Uruha allowed silent contemplation remind him for a moment of the blissful scene his eyes had been privy to in the next room and speaking more to himself than Aoi, “I didn’t mean to look… I couldn’t stop myself… It was so… so…” He looked up, finishing the last of his sake and placing the cup delicately down next to him. Aoi was staring back, his eyes slightly glazed but that was probably attributable to the amount of alcohol they had both consumed - not lots but enough. “Shiro? Shiroyama! Hey Aoi!! You with me?”

“So erotic…” He breathed the word out rather than speaking it directly, something about the way Uruha had been running his finger around the rim of his cup was doing malicious things to his mind. The blonde’s lips, still moist with sweet alcohol didn’t help either. Aoi kicked himself and stood up.

“Bottle’s empty. Want to come with me to find some more?”

“Sure…” came Uruha’s hesitant reply, unsure as he was quite what Aoi was implying with his comment. But he stood also, straightening his shirt and running his fingers through his fluffy hair. Fingers which he then pushed together , stretching long and lean towards the ceiling. He did it, Reita did it, Kai did it. Neither of the three realising what such an innocent gesture could do to a man. Ruki knew; Aoi had often seen him blatantly staring at their bassist when he arched his back and bent his head from side to side to side. Tension released from muscles which was always accompanied by a glimpse of stomach or the top of some underwear. Ruki knew that Aoi noticed it too; sometimes he had a jealous streak as wide as the red streak in his hair and sharing half the stage with Reita, it was hard to not interact with him sometimes. But what Ruki did not know was that the one guitarist only had eyes for the other… even if he hadn’t fully admitted it to himself.

Not noticing his every move being lapped up by the two dark eyes which dared their owner to say something, do something! Something that was completely out of character, out of sexual preference and… out of time. Uruha lead the way out into the corridor as Aoi followed. Silence taking them around the corner and into an elevator and hopefully down to the bar.

Floor by floor flicked past. Silence remaining until Uruha broke it with the one question that had been knocking on the back of his eyes for the last few minutes.

“Does it turn you on? When they… you know… together, kiss and stuff?”

Aoi wasted no time in answering, as if the words themselves were primed and ready to be spoken. His voice soft and measured, these weren’t spur of the moment comments, these were well thought out concerns that he could only have been harbouring for some time. “I don’t know, I thought I knew but I’m not so sure any more…” He looked away, watching the numbers flick down towards G. “How about you? What’re your thoughts on all of this? First those two, and now our fearless leader has turned to the other side. Who’s next? Me? You?”

The lift came to a halt and the doors slid open, revealing… the fact that Aoi had pressed the wrong button. There was no lobby, no restaurants and no bar. Only one of the many empty corridors that made up the warren which was backstage.

“Fuck, wrong floor. I must have had more to drink than I thought…” Aoi grinned and made to press the correct button but found a hand over his own. A hand that faltered for a second before being quickly withdrawn.

“No, this is cool. There’s got to be something to drink down here, surely. I can’t be arsed with Kimura or someone causing shit and sending us to our rooms like naughty schoolboys! Live a little, Shiro! Let your hair down…!”

“My hair is down.”

Uruha swiped his key card through the reader, the door opening effortlessly for them both to pass through. Everything down here was quiet save for the feint humming of lights or the whirr of a water cooler. They headed straight for the member rooms, one in particular because of all of PSC’s staff there was one band who were sure to have smuggled some booze in.

Aoi reached around the doorframe and flicked the lights on, balancing the four or five bottles of beer he’d basically stolen from the Kagrra private and not very well concealed “stash”. They jiggled and clinked together threateningly, just about ready to fall from his arms and smash on the floor, spilling their beery goodness and ruining the night in one foul swoop. He half dropped, half placed the bottles down on the table and nodded for confirmation when Uruha did the same with his hoard.

“They’re going to be rather pissed off you know when there’s no beer after tomorrow’s show…” Uruha looked around for a bottle opener, but this was a dressing room not a bar! No bottle openers were apparent. “Not that I think that’s going to be an issue… bottle opener Shiro?”

Aoi’s eyes rolled a little, his plan of continued alcohol consumption looked like it was about to come to a staggering halt. Nothing in the room would pass for a bottle opener. All those damn energy drinks Ruki had were screw top… But - there was always the movies! Open it with his teeth or knock it off against the table ledge? But both of those could be a bad idea the night before a live… Now he thought of it, there was a bottle opener… where had he seen one? Oh, I remember… the only bottle opener he could think of was attached to Reita’s key ring which at that precise moment was probably lying on the floor of Ruki’s bedroom still attached to his jeans.

The thought sent yet another electric chill haring down Aoi’s spine, he would be better off just forgetting about them. It was doing him no good to keep thinking about them and their kisses, I’d kill to be kissed like that and have what they have… The shock realisation that really shouldn’t have been much of a surprise none the less managed to stop him in his tracks. He stared blankly at Uruha, perhaps not realising that it was him who as always pushed his way past any thoughts of Rukis or Reitas and lodged himself at the forefront of Aoi’s subconscious.

“Aoi! Snap out of it! What’s wrong with you lately? You keep drifting off into space… Bottle opener? Go and look in the other rooms, there’s got to be one somewhere.”

He could see Uruha speaking, and his brain seemed to acknowledge the words and form a plan of action as to what would happen, ie he would move off and look through the other rooms for said implement. But his mind would not deliver the correct meaning to him; all he could hear was, “Get me drunk, Aoisan and you can have me here in the dressing room.”

Aoi nodded, agreeing with his own thoughts rather than Uruha’s comment and began his search for something to get the lids off those pesky bottles. Uruha watched him go, his gaze lingering on the empty doorway for a moment before he turned to look at himself in the mirrors that ran the length of one wall. Critically of course, he glared at the reflection which naturally glared back - long hair some of it bleached to within an inch of it’s life and dry at the ends framing his pout perfectly. Not a speck of makeup graced his face that night, whereas Ruki and sometimes Aoi would more often than not have personally outlined black eyes and well pencilled eyebrows.

He pulled his hair back from his face and stared. Was this Takashima? Was the dorky teenager he had once been still in there somewhere? Eternally uncomfortable in his body, more than certain that his arms and legs were too long to be worthwhile, Takashima who had scarpered to the city with his good friend Matsumoto on the pretence of being in a band…

His eye rested on something reflected on the table behind him. A something most personal and hated by their bassist. He smiled at the ribbon and picked it up, hesitantly holding it over his face before morbid curiosity made him slowly make it knotted under his hair. The nearest can of hairspray assisted him in spiking up his hair as best he could - it was much longer than Reita’s recently chopped “do” but he nodded in approval at the replica Reita he had created. It was the clothes calling from their rail behind him that made him doubt his sanity. Down the corridor, he could hear Aoi going through all manner of things looking for the elusive bottle opener. He hoped he found one soon, Uruha felt just about ready for another drink. Surely, just a couple of minutes of dress-up would be ok?

Facing the rail of clothes, it was arranged as it always had been. Stage clothes, things from various Pvs and photo shoots - you would think that there was more than they could ever need wear in one tour but their management seemed to have different ideas! No two outfits would be worn twice. That was the rule and it must be adhered to! Most of their costumes were five similar takes on a theme, from their sleeveless Disorder vests to those horrendously hot white suits that Kai despised, complaining that the silky shirt clung to him too much after five minutes drumming.

He thumbed through from right to left, his things, Ruki’s things, Kai’s things, Reita’s things… stopping when he came to the grey striped shirt Reita had worn on their trip to Europe the previous spring. He’d enjoyed those few days, ok filming the PV for Cassis and taking endless photos for a book that would ultimately contain less than half had taken up most of the time but it had still been a good break.

Uruha wasted no time pulling his own shirt over his head, careful to not mess up any of his makeshift Reita hairstyle and slipped the first part of the bassists’ Cassis attire over his arms. The shirt was some kind of cotton blend and felt very soft to the touch. It’s freshly laundered scent was nice too, the freshness managing to clear his head for a moment of sanity.

Turning back, he continued to button up the shirt, his reflection guiding his fingers, the expression on his face still a very sombre one. Uruha stood once more just looking at himself, a kind of amused smile threatened to prickle at the corners of his mouth before he mumbled to himself, “What am I doing?” He tried to untie the ribbon from his face but the knot had gotten itself tangled in his hair somehow.

“Got one!” Aoi took a long long swig of the beer, not noticing Uruha in front of him until the bottle was well on it’s way back for another turn. He stopped, not quite sure what to make of the situation. One thing was apparent though, Uruha in Reita’s clothes… that was enough masturbation inspiration for months.

His voice low, as if sudden movements or loud noises would somehow scare the clothes from the other guitarist, “Suits you… You need the jacket too though…” He passed the bottle opener to Uruha, setting his own drink down on the table before pulling Reita’s appropriate jacket adorned with buckles and straps a-plenty, from the hanger and helping the other into it.

“There, perfect.” He stood back to admire the other, not sure what it was that was so alluring to him. He knew one thing for certain though, “Don’t I feel under dressed!” Aoi gestured to his own Tshirt and black jeans as the seeds of an idea began to sprout in his mind. “Maybe I should…”

And now he thumbed through the rail of clothes, but he knew just what he was looking for; the one thing that that would complement Uruha’s choice of garments.

“He’ll go nuts if he finds out, you do realise this.” Uruha leant backwards against the counter, downing his beer in one, two, three mouthfuls. Being Reita was thirsty work! He couldn’t help but smile at Aoi. There was no way Ruki’s clothes were going to fit the tall guitarist, no way at all. Luckily for him, nothing of the singer’s was overly tight or fitted - the black and red top that went with Ruki’s version of Cassis hung a little shorter on Aoi than it did on the singer but it wasn’t too bad.

“They both will, it’ll be funny. Help me with this jacket?” Aoi was having a hard time getting Ruki’s jacket to fit, it was no where near broad enough across the back for him. But somehow, after much struggling and flailing of arms he had it on.

Uruha grinned at him, the smile threatening to turn into a laugh at any moment, and opened them both another beer. They had to keep drinking, if they sobered up there was no way either of them would carry on with this… And the “this” was what had Uruha confused. What were they doing anyway? Dressing up as their two friends who just happened to be gay lovers, was this all just a charade for something deeper maybe? Uruha wasn’t sure about anything anymore, his feelings, Aoi’s feelings, hell even Kai had pulled a mind scramble on them and played an ace.

The beer was still doing it’s work though; Uruha straightened the leather collar of Aoi/Ruki’s jacket and pondered Aoi’s face for a moment. A long moment. “I know what you need…” He hitched the silver ribbon up a little and reached behind him, his hand patting around on the counter looking for something important.

Aoi watched intently, something inside him giving a stern prod in the groin due to the close contact with the other man. Uruha still held onto one of his lapels even though he was looking over his shoulder for something on the counter… and then he found it. Black.

In his reluctance to let go of Aoi, Uruha deftly opened the little makeup compact with one hand. He couldn’t be bothered to find a brush though, this wasn’t going to be neat or tidy. “If you’re going to be Ruki,” He rubbed his index finger in the black makeup and waggled it in front of Aoi’s face. “You need…” One line, then another; roughly drawing black streaks down Aoi’s neck perfecting him as “Ruki”. His grip on the jacket loosening off, Uruha relaxed his arm and just let his hand stay where it fell, resting on Aoi’s hip. He flexed his fingers slightly, beginning the slow caresses that could easily turn into something more. The closeness speeding his heartbeat and he continued to draw black lines down Aoi’s throat. This was adrenaline; this was excitement. A pure rush of not knowing what was going to happen next or what he might do.

As mentioned before, Aoi had special secret moments with Uruha in his fantasies for some time now, the other guitarist just didn’t want to leave him alone. He’d find himself staring at him for no reason during practice, in the dressing room and on stage. The latter had been getting him in trouble too; Kimura had reminded him on more than one occasion that his place on stage should predominantly be stage left and not constantly lurking next to Uruha and most certainly not rubbing up against him or licking his shoulder or neck. This close contact - well it was doing him no favours...

“You know,” Uruha wiped his fingers carelessly on Reita’s jacket before very slowly stroking Aoi’s long hair. He stepped forward, the one step that he could take to press their bodies closer together. “Your hair’s too long…” his face centimetres from Aoi’s, he could feel his breath, a warm smoky beer infused tickle against his cheek, “to really be perfect…”

Go on… Do it… just fucking kiss me already… Aoi closed his eyes, ready for the lips that he was sure would close over his own… any moment… any moment now… Perfect lips, soft and glossed…

“Shiro, I wasn’t going to kiss you.”

One eye opened just enough to allow him some Uruha through the sliver of light. How this could be any more embarrassing, well at that moment, Aoi just didn’t know. Uruha hadn’t moved, he was still as close as close could be without actually touching Aoi’s face. He too closed his eyes for a second, the words which followed were not commonplace with Uruha. Himself, his feelings… he never talked about them; except now he had things to say.

“But I think we need to do this. It‘s been brewing for too long and really, it‘s getting a little tiresome.”

“I.. I… uh..” Violent crimson didn’t suit Aoi’s complexion but he would have to bear it for the moment. It’s hot in here, isn’t it? He tugged on the collar of Ruki’s jacket a little, it’s snug fit now beginning to irritate the hell out of him. “What are you saying, Takashima? I’m not quite sure…”

“Not Takashima, not even Uruha…” He pulled at the corner of his jacket, gesturing down to the Reita clothes he was still wearing. Clearing his throat (he’d never been that good at impressions) he tried to imitate the bassist’s lazy intonation, the nasal quality his voice sometimes took easy to imitate with the noseband clinging to his face. “I’m Reita… you’re Ruki and this isn’t something I intend on repeating so… let’s make it worthwhile, ok?”

As a general rule, men don’t tend to look at their male friends and think ‘damn you’re good looking!’ and Uruha was no exception to this rule. The obvious fact that Aoi was an incredibly beautiful man was just something that he’d not had any need to notice. But now that he actually looked at him, really looked with clean and open eyes it was hard to miss. The guy truly was a natural beauty. He didn’t have bleached or damaged hair like Uruha; he always said he was too old and sensible for ‘that amount’ of makeup and was quite happy with a trace of black around his eyes and his ever perfect brows. Those eyes, never masked by coloured contact lenses, their sparkle ever present - the outward indicator of whatever mischief Aoi was devising.

I’m going to kiss another man… They’re just lips, he told himself, normal run-of-the-mill lips. No different to those of any of the girls he’d been with previously, no different at all. Uruha closed his eyes again, really tightly this time and pursed his own lips, edging slowly forward millimetre by millimetre ever approaching his moment of glory.

“Seriously,” Aoi leant back a little, helping the distance between them grow some. “You do not look like you want to do this.” He glanced over Uruha’s shoulder and was more than pleased to see a few bottles of beer still waiting on the table. He smiled when Uruha finally opened his eyes and he pushed him backwards, easing him into a more upright standing position. “This is all so wrong…”

“You’re right… shit you’re so right. I don’t know what I was thinking…” Uruha scratched the back of his head, the floor seemed very inviting and he scoured it looking for an appropriate hole to disappear into. “Shiroyama… can we uh… not mention this to anyone? I mean I’m not… I just thought you… and me… Oh fuck, I lose, don’t I?”

“Oh for fucks sake. For a blonde, you think way…” Aoi scooted off the edge of the counter. “Too…” He sized Uruha up for a second, the quick calculation for how to proceed pushed firmly aside by the dull ache between his legs. “Much…” One hand firmly grasping a good amount of Uruha’s butt he pulled the other guitarist back towards him and kissed him for all he was worth. It was the spark of ignition that he really didn’t need; being pressed firmly against Uruha was doing nothing for calming any queer urges he may have been having. But jeez… The guy knew how to kiss! It was like nothing Aoi had ever experienced before…

It didn’t matter to Uruha who he was, what he did for a living. Not like any of the recent relationships he’d had; yeah fair enough they’d said they liked him for who he really was, not his stage alter-ego. But girlfriends of late - they just hadn’t felt right. This however, felt more right than he could ever imagine. And back he came from dreamland with a bump as Uruha had pushed him right back against the make-up counter and his head had banged against the mirrors there.

“You don’t know what you’ve done to me, Ruki…” Uruha’s words muffled by passion he grasped Aoi’s hair, pushing them closer and deeper; lips working against tongues working against each other hot and desperate for more contact. Uruha was either a good actor or a good liar. Yanking the already tattered neck of Aoi’s stolen top down he nuzzled quite tenderly against the smooth curve of collar bone, whispering his emotive words into Aoi’s black smeared neck - as one errant hand made it’s way down to the crotch of Aoi’s jeans and toyed with the button there.

“I was normal dammit! I liked girls and breasts and… and…” As the button came free and the zip came open, Uruha’s knee found a resting place on the counter too. First one then the other and he was straddling Aoi, pushing him further back against the mirrors and they were kissing again, first lips then neck then lower… the Cassis shirt ripping too easily and Uruha just didn’t care.

There wasn’t enough blood in Aoi’s body for his brain to function correctly, he couldn’t speak, couldn’t move, could barely command his tongue to move and so, he lay there straddled and aroused at Uruha’s mercy. Mustering all his forgotten resolve, he reached up to open the buttons of Uruha’s ripped shirt but could do nothing more than fumble with the first and resorted to tugging at the buckles on Reita’s jacket to pull it from the other guitarist’s shoulders.

“Where’s your spirit, Ruki? Where’s the passion..?” It was near to a growl that crept from Uruha then and he took the fumbling hand in his own pressing it confidently against his groin. “You win, boys.” He looked directly at Aoi, the ripped black and red shirt nearly hanging off his body, the complete look of amazement in his eyes. “You win…” His free hand dipping past the top of Aoi’s jeans on a direct path to skin since the other hadn’t bothered to wear anything under them after his ‘moment’. And there, in that instant, curling his fingers around flesh, Uruha wanted it all.

Aoi could have cum there and then. Uruha fondling him was too much for his brain to process; curling toes and twitching fingers the result. Fingers that were pressed hard against a very erect Uruha. The other let out nothing more than a moan, low and throaty. He slid off the counter and off Aoi, looming over him, a half smirk gracing his lips. Reita’s jacket dropped in a heap on the floor, the shirt left on but open. If Aoi’s erection had had a voice it would have nodded and said “Yes Please!”; Uruha pulled the noseband down around his neck and licked his lips.

In one swift movement Aoi’s jeans were down and off, his loose slip on shoes long lost and forgotten and Uruha was leaning over him, his long hair tickling the tops of Aoi’s naked thighs as his bare buttocks rested against the tails of Ruki’s Cassis coat.

“What… what are you…? Oh fuck!” His voice having jumped and octave, because never had Aoi imagined that it could be so sweet, so fucking perfect to have Uruha’s mouth on him and around him, up and down; sucking and licking like a pro. His legs hanging freely over the counter top adopted a jumping muscle each, alternate timing with the tight clenching that pulsed through his abdomen. Uruha was looking up at him through dark lashes, a spark of something unknown in his eye flitted in and out and back again. Eye contact continuing, he ran his tongue up and down, circling and dipping over every curve and vein, his thumb joining in from time to time to reinforce the sensation.

Aoi gripped the edge of the counter for all he was worth, sure that his orgasm would knock him off the smooth Formica. His knuckles matched the colour perfectly, white on white and he rocked his hips in time with the explosive calm that was quickening in his gut. His one fantasy had come true, an Uruha delivered oral sex extravaganza; and with blissful ease he came for the second time that night with nothing but Uruha on his mind.

“I still can’t believe you swallowed it.”

Ruki pricked his ears up. Slouched where he was on the same sofa Uruha had inhabited only hours before no one would see him… but he knew those voices. They were the voices of Gazette members, Gazette members who apparently had been up to no good.

“Mmm… I like to do things properly, you know that.”

He gently ground his cigarette into the nearest ashtray and scooted down a little further, the approaching footsteps bringing the voices closer. Guitarists, two of them. Stopping outside Uruha’s room.

“Well, is that it then? You said it was a one time event…”

There was silence for a heartbeat or two, Ruki holding his breath listening intently. What’s that noise? He could have sworn he heard a kiss… no surely not..

“I know what I said, Shiroyama. There’s only so many of Ruki’s outfits that your wide arse will fit into though…”

“Ruki’s outfits? That’s me! I’m Ruki…” he mumbled to himself, desperate to turn around and see them for himself.

“You know what I mean, fucker. I’m talking about us. Do you want to… again… with me?”

“Hmm… you know - I do believe I do.”

More silence, this time Ruki was certain he heard kissing noises. Fucking certain. Then a door opened, Uruha’s door surely.

“When do you think our beloved drummer will come clean with Matsumoto? Nao didn’t seem like he wanted to lie about them any more… I tell you, when he does - that’s not something I want to miss! Anyway, see you tomorrow…”

“It is tomorrow Shiro…”

Ruki glared at his reflection in the widow. What could Kai and Nao be hiding that he would not be pleased about? Kai and Nao… Kai and Nao… Kai and….

“I’m going to kill him.”

Business as Usual 15

Sun, 25 Nov 2007 19:31:05 GMT

Chapter 15

It was a beautifully clear autumn morning, the summer’s humidity and the late rains of September were long gone now; all that was left was for the leaves in the parks to turn a dizzying array of golds and reds; it was beautiful, really it was. He tapped his fingers against the steering wheel and gazed out of the window to his right, traffic was generally bad going into the city but this was Monday morning - he may as well just resign himself to the fact that he would be sitting here for a little while longer.

He hummed to himself as the traffic crept forward, going over in his mind some of the lyrics from their new songs… He was pleased with the way the album had turned out, the final editing was now well underway and everything was on schedule to be going to print halfway through the Peace and Smile tour. Ahh yes, the tour; that was going to be eventful - no question about it. The Company never really seemed to be able to gather en masse like that without sparks flying - he put it down to the mix of personalities - and blatant flirtation!

Ruki gripped the steering wheel harder, the white of his knuckles now plainly obvious. He was dying for a smoke, a cigarette was always his favourite accessory to driving. No, he would resist. Think about something else. He sat upright more, catching his reflection in the rear view mirror. Thankfully that bruise had eased enough to not really be noticeable, well… it was there if you looked for it and as far as he knew, the only person who would be studying his face knew all about it.

His newfound favourite past time, it had changed slightly from just looking at Reita to…(and he loved saying it so did, out loud to his reflection) “Fucking him. Hell yeah.”

He laughed at the mirror image, wondered what people would think if they knew and gave it no further thought. Because, dear reader, it had been an eventful weekend for sure. Reita had gone home on the Sunday afternoon, Ruki liked to think he’d limped to his car because they’d spent the best part of the late morning getting to know each other much more intimately. Every time they kissed, every touch, every sweet sweet fucking caress… pushed Ruki one step closer to the utopia which he had always wanted. Once again, Reita had said that it was something like love that he felt and this had pleased him because, even though he hadn’t admitted it back, he probably loved him too in his own way.

Aside from pushing Reita over the bounds of decency and giving him the clawing pain and the searing pleasure that seemed to go hand in hand, they’d also talked; trying to decide just how they were going to handle themselves. Ok, they’d try to not kiss in public or in front of the majority of their co-workers but other than that, they both didn’t think they’d really have to behave any differently. Ruki had always had a hard time keeping his hands to himself on stage and now he saw no reason to tame down his “act” just because The Management might be keeping tabs on them!

A loud blast on a horn from somewhere behind snapped him out of the temporary daze which had prised his mind from driving and parked it squarely infront of indecency. Blissful, sweaty, hot and needy indecency to be fair - the best kind. He mouthed fuck you at the driver who had honked and quickly pulled his cap down low over his eyes when the car’s brake lights came on for a moment as it passed. Ruki, followed at a distance, glad when the other car took the exit past the Tower and headed off towards one of the suburbs.

Yes, things between him and Akira certainly looked like they could go well and he really didn’t see any reason why they shouldn’t continue for some time into the future. One obstacle remained however, and it was with this thought in his mind that Ruki pulled his car to a halt in the PSC car park. It looked like he was last there, the familiar car-truck-car-bike of the other four already present. It was Kai’s car which he parked next to and the dented door only reminded him of just how hard this was going to be. Not just today, but going forward and possibly indefinitely. Kai either had to accept them or… or… well he didn’t have an “or”. He adjusted his cap in the rear view mirror and took a deep breath. This was it.

Someone appeared at the top of the steps. A familiar blonde someone in a baseball cap who now jogged across the car park to meet him. “Ready to do this?”

“Ready as I’ll ever be.” Ruki pulled his scarf up a little and followed Reita up the steps and through into the minimalist expanse of PSC reception. The girl at the desk handed out exceedingly polite good mornings and greetings, bowing as the two passed.

“Taka,” Reita’s voice was nothing short of a guilty whisper, “I just need to talk to Kawauchi for a second, I’ll catch you up.” He almost scuttled over to the desk and leaned over it talking in hushed tones to the young girl behind, looking back over his shoulder at the singer once or twice. Ruki noted that her super polite air had long since vanished and now, she looked positively pissed off. This was curious indeed! He walked over.

“Reita? Alright?” He leant on the desk next to Reita, knowing damn well that the receptionist couldn’t see what he was doing over the high counter. So, he took advantage of the fact and slipped his hand underneath Reita’s jacket and then under his shirt, finally past the waistband of his trousers and ran his fingers over that infectiously smooth skin - of course maintaining his fixed smile whilst doing it.

It flustered the bassist. Here he was trying to let the girl down who had been badgering him for a date for weeks and bloody Ruki saunters over and starts touching him up with those sneaky hands of his! Too much!! Temper fraying… loosing cool…

“Look Kawauchi, I can’t go out with you! I know I said I would, but I just can’t. I’m sorry!” Whatever happened to women being shy and waiting for the guy to make the first move?

“It’s this place, isn’t it? I know I know, artists and their contractual obligations right? Well, just for the record, you suck Suzuki.”

Reita had to admit, Ruki imitated her voice quite well, “You suck Suzuki…” He finally removed his hand and took Reita by the arm, smirking to himself for a moment before leading him away towards the elevators. “What’s all that about?” He pressed the button to call the lift and waited. Both for it and an answer. He wasn’t angry, just amused that Reita had managed to get himself involved with the damn receptionist!

“What do you think it was about!” he hissed, “She’s been harassing me for weeks… I said I’d go out with her just to shut her up!” The smooth sliding doors signalled the lift had arrived, so in they went.

Ruki looked across to the desk, she was still glaring in their direction. As the doors slid shut, he did two things in perfect unison with each other. You guessed it. He grabbed Reita’s arm pulling him forward for a long needed kiss and gave her the usual one fingered Ruki salute.

“They have cameras in these lifts you know.” Reita mumbled between lips and tongues and their GOOD MORNING greeting. Both men with their hands tucked in the other’s back pockets, there was no better way of spending these few seconds of intimacy.

“I know.”

Uruha was bored, he looked at the clock which hadn‘t moved since the last time he‘d looked at it. In his boredom he picked at the glue which held the sections of blonde highlighted extensions to his real hair. He looked up at the clock again, they were supposed to have all met up a good ten minutes previously but the two main reasons why this meeting had been called were still not yet present. He looked over at Kai who was sitting with his back to the door, tapping away at their laptop whilst talking to his girlfriend on the phone. He wondered what would transpire when and in fact if Ruki turned up. Aoi had called him the night before and, after talking complete rubbish for easily half an hour had told him everything what had happened at Ruki’s apartment, and I do mean everything. Aoi had not skipped on any details whatsoever and Uruha had been glad of the distance and cables which separated them because he’d blushed a very unmanly pink as Aoi relived the whole scene to him.

He watched the drummer covertly from under his hair. He’d been with his girlfriend, she was called Naoko apparently, for the best part of three months. And in those three months, none of them had met her or spoken to her or even seen her. And now, here he was deep in conversation… laughing over the PC, chatting about nothing and everything it seemed, asking her if she wanted to come over to his for a meal. Why was he allowed to be so blissfully happy, but wouldn’t let Ruki or Reita share in it?

“Yutaka…” Kai glared at him and, even though the phone was clearly obvious against his ear, still made phone gestures with his free hand.

“Yutaka, I have to ask you something…” Uruha ignored him. The band was more important at that moment than any girlfriend.

“Kai! Hey!” He grabbed the phone from Kai’s hand, looking at the display to confirm who he was talking to NAO “Hello?" Silence. She didn’t say anything, just the sound of uneasy breathing. “Look, I’m sorry but Yutaka can’t talk right now. He’ll call you back later…" Kai snatched the phone back from him and quickly ended the call with some apologetic words and a quick sickly sweet love you too…

“This had better be good, Takashima.” He didn’t look up from the laptop.

“It is. It’s important…” He sat up now, folding his arms over his chest as he was so often seen to do when speaking. “Does it really matter about Taka?”

And still Kai didn‘t look up, he continued browsing through pages on the internet. “Yes it does. I’ve seen bands fall apart before because of it and I’m not going to let it happen to Gazette.”

“Why would it make us fall apart?” Uruha looked up as he spoke, the two remaining members of Gazette pushing the door open and joining the three already there. Aoi nodded to them both and joined Uruha looking expectantly over at Kai.

“Because the whole damn band will turn into a freak show! People won’t care about the music anymore - they’ll just be looking for those two idiots touching each other or something. Reading too much into situations and putting two and two together and making five.” He turned the laptop around, showing them the web page he was reading. “Look at this. This is just what I’m talking about…”

“That’s in English. How the hell do you know what it’s about? You're the one reading too much into things, just because you see the words "Ruki" or "Reita" on a web page doesn‘t immediately mean it's fucking porn!”

Uruha looked up at the newcomers, something was different with Ruki. Not the hair, or the fading bruises - he looked… well he looked happy and it was only now, now that Uruha thought about it, Ruki hadn’t been himself for months. They’d all just been too damn busy to really care and his “moody silences” had been attributed just to his generally shitty attitude at times. All he ever said was that he was over worked and under paid and wasn’t getting enough sleep; Uruha could see it now that it must have been killing him to keep his true feelings concealed.

The first thing Kai noticed when he did turn around was that Ruki and Reita were holding hands. Immediately his anger commenced it’s bubbling deep in his stomach, not only had the singer returned when he’d explicitly told him not to… but here they stood bold as brass like a couple of love struck teenagers. His left eye began to twitch just a touch but he said nothing to them, not even a greeting. The office door swung open and they were summoned inside.

If only to wind Kai up more, Reita made damn sure he caught the drummer’s eye before lowering himself oh-so-slowly and carefully into the chair, mock pain and the sharp drawing of breath accompanying his actions. Ruki punched him on the arm with a giggle, “Cut it out…”

Kai glared at them both, folding his arms stubbornly over his chest and ignoring them as best he could.

“Well gentlemen, I’m glad you came.” (like they had any choice!) “Let’s get down to business then, shall we?” She passed them all a copy of The Contract that would:
#1 Tie them all into the confidentiality agreement that meant none of them could admit to Ruki and Reita’s relationship and must deny it at all times, and of course…
#2 The two themselves would behave in a manner appropriate to their positions as PS Company Co Ltd employees. ie no fucking about!

She held one copy back, the master copy that would be signed by them all and allowed them a moment to read through their papers. Kai threw his copy down on the desk and pushed his chair backwards, standing with only one thought in his mind. No way.

“What the fuck is this shit? You seriously think I’m going to sign to say that I agree with their sick little games? That I condone their behaviour? You’re losing it Kimura…”

All she could do was glare at him, waiting for the appropriate level of politeness to be added to her name. It didn’t happen though. This “Kai” really needed knocking back into line, and luckily she had just the appropriate ammunition for the task.

“Sit down, Mr Uke.”

“Yeah arsehole, sit the fuck down.” It was Uruha who’d had enough, kicking Kai’s chair back with one booted foot. He’d been unsure about how he’d feel when he saw them together but it just seemed so right, they seemed so at ease… sitting as they always did, Reita taking up more of the chair than was really necessary and Ruki, ankles crossed and pensive… just now, their knees touching each others’ and now a glance and a trace of something that was so much more than a friendly “hey”. Reita nudged his chair a little closer to the singer’s and, after casually leaning on the arm of the chair nearest to Ruki, he casually touched his fingers to Ruki’s and then still very casually, almost as if it had happened by accident, he held onto his hand with more purpose.

Kimura continued, “You lied to me. Mr Matsumoto could sue you for assault, you do realise this, don‘t you?” He opened his mouth to say something in reply but she held up one hand, the gesture positive confirmation that it was not his turn to speak. She continued, “But most of all, it’s your attitude which disappoints me. You have no right to tell anyone who they can and can’t be involved with or what they do with their personal lives. None at all.”

“But…”

“Be quiet, Uke. I have heard your voice more than enough recently and I’ve just about had all I can take from you.”

“B…”

“No!” Her voice took on it’s I’m not taking any more shit from you immature divas tone. “You will sign. Just like they will sign. Because if you don’t, then you don’t get this…”

She opened the leather folder on her desk and pulled out a letter. The headed paper it was written on bearing a logo of two eyes…

“This is the preliminary proposal from a company we’ve been in discussions with recently. They run themed conventions on a large scale and have asked if you, Gazette, would perform two concerts at one of their events next year.”

Ruki’s grip on Reita’s hand tightened a little… did they really want to go down the path of convention appearances? What was wrong with their one-man lives? Weren’t they good enough any more? He looked at the bassist who in turn traded glances with the two guitarists. But it was Kai who voiced what they were all thinking, his opinion on this point the sole thoughts of the group. He was the leader, after all.

“We’re not playing any fucking convention. Forget it. Get Kra to do it or something… that’s more their thing. I’m trying to keep this band serious… no thanks to those two.” His jibe towards those who had been holding hands screamed sarcastic poison.

“Oh, I see.” She passed the letter to Aoi. “Perhaps you should read it out loud, Mr Shiroyama, for everyone to hear.”

He picked it up and squinted at the writing. The first words were… English? Something else perhaps… What ever it was, it certainly wasn’t Japanese and he didn’t have a chance in hell of understanding it. He pulled a face at Kimura and showed the letter to Uruha. “Any idea what this says?”

“Um… is it… German?”

“Yes, because that’s where the convention is taking place. We want you to go to Europe and play two one-man lives. It’s not at the convention, but in the evening afterwards. There’s normal ticket sales and in most part, it will be no different than a live event here. But if you don’t want to go…”

“Hang on just a moment…” Ruki gripped Reita’s hand even tighter now… “You’re sending us to Europe? As in not Japan? As in a German audience? Are you serious? No one will know who we are! It’ll be a farce…”

“No, Mr Matsumoto. You’d be surprised just how popular Gazette, and to be fair, all of the Company’s products are in Europe. We have reliable information that both concerts will sell out and that it will be a resounding success. Our latest releases have sold well in… well look for yourselves!” She passed a small bound report to Ruki, boring statistics in the most part about domestic sales, revenues etc etc. In amongst it all was the international market statistics. It would seem, PSC were doing well in not only Germany, but England and Spain too… “It would be good publicity for PSC and it would be good publicity for you. But it comes with one stipulation.” She held up the Ru x Rei contract in one hand and the concert letter in the other. “You don’t sign this… you don’t get this. So, what will it be?”

Four pairs of eyes turned to Kai. Eight eyes burrowing into him, making him squirm under the pressure. The decision lay with him, it would seem. If he didn’t sign to say Ruki and Reita were A - OK then they weren’t going to Germany. No European adventure for The GazettE unless Kai swallowed his pride and put his feelings to one side. Just as Ruki and as Reita had done.

“This is bribery…” He shook his head briefly. “You can’t expect me to make a decision like that.”

“Yutaka… Germany. Would you really fuck things up for us that much?” Reita couldn’t believe that Kai even had to think about this! Hell - in his mind he was practically packed already! He gripped Ruki’s hand back twice as tight, and grinned at the singer… eyes sparkling with an excitement rarely seen through his cool persona.

“No, you’ve fucked it up! You two and your nasty little affair.” He spat back at them, temporarily suspending any decency in his voice. “You’ve ruined everything! How can I trust either of you ever again?”

“Because they will prove their honesty. They will sign and you will sign and things will be better than before. Mr Uke, this works, trust me. Lot’s of our artists have similar stipulations on their files.”

Kai, disbelieving as ever retorted with, “Like who? I’ve never heard of anyone else doing that!”

And simply she said, “That’s proof enough then, isn’t it? Now, will you sign or do I have to contact the convention administration and respectfully decline their offer?”

Kai hated being put on the spot like this, them all looking at him like he was something just scraped off their boot heels. But most of all, he hated the fact that he couldn’t agree to it - not wouldn’t but couldn’t. If anyone ever suspected that there was anything other than heterosexual tendencies in that band… it was a disaster waiting to happen.

“Well?” Kimura walked around the desk and placed the contract in front of Kai.

Standard Disclaimer of Affiliation, Fiduciary Responsibilities and Confidentiality.
Version 7 - Revised May 2005.

Quiet at first, but gaining volume and insistency the other four members of Gazette softly chanting to encourage his writing hand to make the appropriate kanji that would send them off on an aeroplane to the other side of the world, this time to play and not just pose for photos.

“Sign…sign…sign…sign…sign…sign…”

“Fuck it! I can’t have them together like that… I just can’t!” And he hung his head, not daring to catch any of their eyes, because he knew that they’d bore into him digging deep within his memory and take root. He’d never be able to forget how angry and hurt and plain pissed off they all were. Never.

Kimura, returned to her seat behind her desk, fingers tightly clasped together resting on the leather surface. She looked from one to the other, Uruha to Aoi to Kai and then on to Reita and finally Ruki. His hair was going to have to change. Mentally noting that, once again he’d defied PSC and done everything they’d explicitly said not to do. He was supposed to have been letting his blonde hair grow a little longer, not get it cut and died black!

“Gentlemen, would you excuse us for a moment please? Not you, Mr Uke.”

The other four rose to their feet, Ruki holding tightly onto Reita’s shoulder to stop him from knocking into Kai as he left. Or worse - knocking him out. Out they filed, one by one until it was just Kai left sitting in front of the desk. He wasn’t budging in his opinion, yeah it was fucking unlucky about Germany but he wouldn’t… couldn’t have that sort of attention brought upon Gazette. Kimura, still silent calm and polite, took a smaller slimmer file from the leather case. She placed it on the desk in front of Kai and motioned for him to take it.

“I had hoped it wouldn’t come to this. Businesslike discussions are one thing, but I’m afraid that this really does constitute blackmail.”

Kai turned his head sharply at this comment. Blackmail? What could they blackmail him with? His very confused expression must have spelled it out for her loud and clear, because she began a nervous pacing of the office.

“When you first came to PS Company, you signed a contract with us. One of the clauses of that contract was that we would require all employees to provide us with the necessary particulars of any relationship they may undertake. Purely for security reasons, you understand. This was all explained to you and your lawyer before you signed with us. Do you remember?”

“Uhh… kind of…”

“How are things with your girlfriend, Naoko? It’s been what, three months now and I think that’s more than long enough to constitute a relationship, don’t you? But Kai, it would seem that the information we require for her we have not received. Why is that, hmm?”

“Um… well I guess I just… it must have slipped my mind. It was a long time ago that I signed that contract.” His palms had greased over with a thin film of nervous perspiration and it was now that he wiped them against his jeans before taking the presented file.

“You do also realise that all company mobile phone use is logged, don’t you?” He nodded, slowly, really slowly.

“Look in the file and then tell me again why you hate Ruki and Reita being together.”

Behind the pale cream cover, were some large and clear glossy black and white photographs. He couldn’t quite comprehend what those pictures were telling him; it was surreal! They’d outdone themselves this time because they’d fucking staked his apartment out and here was the picture proof they needed! The reason why he was so dead set against unnecessary attention on Gazette’s personal lives. The reason he had caused such discontent between himself and the other members. The reason he’d been lying to PSC for the past three months…

His apartment. His door opening. Two people in the doorway. Two people kissing. Kai and his significant other… Nao.

“Please, stop me if I am wrong Kai… but your lies, it would appear, know no bounds.” She ceased her pacing now, leaning over the desk to face him. The ultimate accusation was ready to fly now. “You’ve been screwing Kagrra’s bassist for three months and neither one of you thought to tell anyone!” Her voice raising, gaining intensity to match the weight of the accusations. “That is a direct breach of contract and I should have you both fired.” loud “You didn’t want the focus on Ruki and Reita in case people took more of an interest in your own private life, isn’t that right Kai!” louder “You’re jealous that they’ve got the guts to come forward and admit it, aren’t you…?” loudest “Admit it!”

He visibly flinched when she shouted like that because she never shouted; however, every word had been correct. Every damn word. He had been screwing Nao, and it was the best sex he’d had in a long time.

The silence that followed lasted an eternity, Kai dare not speak. How much of this those Gazzetors outside had heard, he had no idea. Hopefully they hadn’t…

“Kimura… I’m begging you… please don’t tell the others.” He closed the folder, hands trembling against the card, the damp handprints he left there a lingering reminder of his shame. “Wh…what do I have to do?”

There was only one thing he could do, and she would make sure that it happened before he left the office. She placed the master copy of Ruki and Reita‘s contract in front of him.

“Sign the damn contract, Kai. Stop all of this pointless anger. Apologise to your band and, please, seriously consider your options with Nao. We would prefer it if you had something similar on file…” She tucked the photos back inside her folder. “I’ll keep hold of these for now, just until you decide what you want to do.”

Kai, a thousand feelings racing through his mind, a thousand things he wanted to say and do… and he was too fucking scared to say or do any of them. He wished Nao was there at that moment to tell him what to do, how to act, how to make everything ok again… His hand brushed against the mobile phone in his pocket, his lifeline that had probably become his downfall.

“What’s going on? What are they saying?” Ruki leant back against the front of the sofa, sitting on the floor he was more than comfortable resting between Reita’s spread knees. The bassist aggravating him - ticking his ear, pulling his hat back, turning his collar up. All of which Ruki just seemed to absorb for the time being. His question was for Aoi, who was leaning against the door listening as best he could to what was going on inside the office.

“She’s saying something about his girlfriend… I can’t quite hear what though.” He scrunched his face up in concentration and pressed his ear harder against the wood, waiting for something that sounded like I’ll sign it.

“Aki, quit it.” Ruki batted Reita’s finger away from his ear; he was trying to put his little finger through the largest piercing on his right ear.

Aoi didn’t need to press against the door to hear the next part of the “private” conversation.

“Admit it!!”

“Fucking hell! She never shouts at anyone!” Aoi looked over at Uruha, head laying on his folded arms, he was watching the two with amusement. He left the door now, in favour of sitting at the table across from the other guitarist.

“Alright?” Was the conversation which he managed to start with him; his opposite number, you’d think he’d have more to say to him wouldn’t you!

Uruha nodded back, and then motioned that Aoi should look at Reita and Ruki. Reita still trying to wedge his finger through Ruki’s ear lobe.

“Aki, I mean it.”

“I’m shitting myself.”

“Seriously…” Ruki batted the hand away for the last time and landed his fist hard on Reita’s thigh. To which Reita pulled the singer’s cap right down over his face and held it there, muffling the bad language which ensued.

Guitarist #1 shook his head and smiled at guitarist #2 - until the door opened.

They turned in unison to face the somewhat red faced Kai who emerged from Kimura’s office. He was sending a message via his mobile phone.

“Well?” Ruki’s word was good enough for all of the Kai related issues.

Kai’s silence did nothing for answering their questions. They wanted to know if they were going to Germany! He scratched his head, adjusted his shirt, looked out of the window and then towards the door. Someone had just walked down the corridor past the office.

“I signed it. We’re going. Now, can we just leave it at that?” His phone buzzed in his hand and he quickly glanced at the message he’d just received.

“I think you owe Takanori an apology, don’t you?” Reita wrapped his arms around the man sitting in front of him, “Actually I think you owe us all an apology.”

“Yeah… well… you can think that. You and him have caused me more trouble than you will ever know. I only hope we can keep a lid on it. What would people think if it ever got out? Anyway, I‘ve got to be somewhere.” He got as far as the door before turning back to them, “I’m sorry about the eye…”

Ruki just shrugged. He didn’t want or need Kai’s apologies, all he wanted and needed was sitting right behind him… playing with his fucking ear AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!

“Suzuki!!!! Leave my fucking ear alone! Or I will fuck you so hard you won‘t sit down for a week!”

~~~In the corridor~~~

“Can you hear them? How the fuck are they going to keep it quiet?”

“Perhaps they’ve got the right idea…” Fingertips brushing Kai’s cheek briefly before he leant closer and whispered in the drummer’s ear… “I think I’d quite like you to fuck me so hard I couldn’t sit down for a week…”

Business as Usual 14

Sun, 25 Nov 2007 19:30:21 GMT

Chapter 14

Do you know the period between being fully asleep and fully awake? Sure you do… - when you’re kind of aware that you’re lying in bed but you’re still sleeping? When you don’t really know if your eyes are open or it’s just your imagination? Well, they can play some funny tricks on your mind, those moments… make you think anything is happening…

So when sleep finally faded away from Reita and his mind began to whirr into consciousness once more, it took him a few moments to really figure out what was happening and where he was. He was lying on his side, one arm tucked up under the pillow and the other clutching at a rather large and cuddly Korilakkuma plushie… Something told him to hold his breath, but in the silence that ensued he could still hear breathing, deep and measured. Restful and at an even tempo, someone was sleeping soundly next to him; the warmth radiating out from the sleeper more inviting than he could believe. And something was tickling his face…

Blinking in the half light that crept through the blinds, his view was obscured by blackness… against a head of dark hair was where his face was resting. He shifted back a little, brushing imaginary cobwebs away from his face, a smile already straining at his lips. Reita, more than a little glad that he hadn’t been seen hugging the toy, set it to one side and slipped his now free arm under the sheets to hook it around Ruki’s chest. And he held him so tightly, resting his face against the dip between his shoulder blades; kissing the warm skin there just because he wanted to.

It was too early to get up, the bed was too warm and too comfortable and he realised how happy he was to just lay there pressed closely to the body in front of him. Sleep returned, now it was a dreamless passing of time as it would appear that his most recent dreams had actually come true…

It was the phone ringing that woke them both. Ruki fumbling about blindly for the thing as for once, he’d remembered to take his contacts out and he had no idea where his glasses might have been left! Anyway, he didn’t need to see to talk on the phone.

“Hello..?”

“It’s Shiroyama… are you still in bed?” If Ruki had known where Aoi was making the call from, he’d have been a little more truthful about his reply.

“Nope… I’m up.” Ruki lying through his teeth, now noticed the arm draped casually around his waist. He rolled over, not daring to believe that it was real - the night before could have so easily been an elaborate dream - but no, the brown and blonde stripy hair that could only belong to Reita was messed up and on the pillow next to him. “Oh…” He shifted the phone to his other hand and smoothed the rough blonde away from Reita’s face. He was still asleep, but only just… his eyelashes fluttering in the grip of a dream that was nearing it’s finale.

Aoi looked at his phone with a somewhat puzzled expression. “What are you doing, Matsumoto? Feel like letting me in at any point today?” Because, he really did feel just a little bit conspicuous standing outside the building waiting to be let through the security door. The one and only spare key to the place being with Reita, and Aoi hadn’t seen him since the morning before… That was a turn up for the books - and what of Reita’s feelings? Well, really Aoi couldn’t say he was all that surprised… Ruki always did find it very easy to catch your eye and most of the time he did it without even realising. “Come on Taka, open the damn door!”

“Ok, ok… wait a moment.” Ruki ended the call on his cell phone and reluctantly nudged Reita’s shoulder. “Aki… wake up… We’ve got company.” Great timing Shiro… perfect. He slid out from under Reita’s arm and swung his legs over the side of the bed, scanning the floor for his forgotten clothing.

Reita let his arm fall heavily onto the bed. The telephone had woken him too but he had been content to keep his eyes closed and pretend it was not happening! But now, he opened them in time to see Ruki pulling on the black jeans he’d worn the previous day and carefully tuck everything inside before buttoning them closed. His own plans of getting up and getting dressed were then temporarily shot down in flames as Ruki pulled the black sleeveless top of Reita over his own head and disappeared out of the bedroom and down the hall. He heard a buzz which signified Ruki had let someone into the building - a someone who would soon be at the door.

Ruki’s voice floated through from the bathroom, “It’s Shiroyama… It’s probably best if you stay in there… I’ll get rid of him, ok?” He came through into the bedroom and flashed a grin at Reita who had found his underwear and was presently looking for his trousers. His brown eyes sparkling behind dark frames; he wore his glasses so infrequently that it was with semi-surprise that Reita looked at him. The surprise however, soon turned to something a little more sour; a somewhat confused expression now residing on his face.

“Why do you want to keep me hidden away? You’re not ashamed, are you?” He stopped looking for the clothes that were not to be found and held one hand for Ruki to take and be pulled closer. “You’re not ashamed… are you?”

The singer shook his head and rested his hands around his friend’s neck, touching their lips together with just the briefest of nudges. “Of course I’m not ashamed… I just haven’t figured out how to tell them yet. I honestly don't know how they'll react…” Again, their faces met; and with a tenderness you might not expect, Reita caressed the other’s skin with his fingertips as he enjoyed the soft kisses that were gradually doing much more than making his lips tingle. Hands, Ruki’s hands began to move over bare skin until they found the top of Reita’s shorts, whilst the kisses continued to stir them both into and unexpected early morning arousal. Reita pulled the other against him, meeting hard at the groin and moving against each other as the temperature in the room became unbearable. Ruki was just about ready to pull that shirt off and push Reita right back against the bed, and he would have done too if it hadn’t been for…

#KNOCK~KNOCK#

“Fuck it! That’s Shiro… hold that thought, I’ll be right back.”

Reita breathed deeply, hoping that the increase in oxygen would clear his head and perhaps calm his erection! He heard the door opening and the distinctive tones of Aoi’s voice in the other room, the guitarist seemed to be asking after Ruki’s general health and well-being as if he’d not seen him in months - it had only been two days since their last and fateful practice session. Reita pulled on his jeans, which seemed to have miraculously appeared from under a chair and, buttoning them as he went, wandered out of the bedroom towards the two deep in conversation.

To recap, here are the facts kiddies! Aoi's knowledge consists thus:

#1 He knew that Kai had caught Ruki and Reita together and had lost his temper.
#2 He knew that Ruki had been on the wrong side of this temper and that Kai had punched him, but he didn’t know how badly or if at all Ruki had been hurt.
#3 He knew that Reita had deep feelings for their singer and that he wanted their relationship to be much more than “friends”.
#4 He knew that they were expected in Kimura’s office the next morning for a hurriedly called band meeting with the management team, but he didn’t know what it was about.
#5 He didn’t know about the contract and he didn’t know that Ruki had spent the night in Yokohama and he didn’t know that Reita had gone to him and he didn’t know that they had come back; and were together. So when Ruki opened the door and greeted him, he wasn’t too shocked by the bruise around his eye - not as shocked as he was to see a cigarette between his fingers and black hair messed up on his head.

“Shiroyama,” [bow] He worked his fingers against a niggling itch that had presented itself on his stomach and breathed the dizzying haze of nicotine deep into his lungs, fighting back to urge to cough as he did so. I really should quit smoking. Like really REALLY quit for real! “Come in.” He gestured with the cigarette for Aoi to cross the threshold and, on the other man doing so, he pushed the door closed behind him.

“What..? Why..?” Aoi spluttered the words out, his eyes wide and emotive looking first at the hair and then at the smoke.

Ruki stifled a laugh as he walked through into the kitchen to make a drink, the cigarette remaining between his lips and jiggling a little as he spoke. “I’m a fucker, aren’t I? Want a drink?” Expecting the reply to be yes, he retrieved two and then on second thoughts three cups from their cupboardly home.

“You’re a lying little shit, that’s for sure! But I can’t say anything…” Relieved that the “no smoking around Ruki” rule was now null and void, he pulled a cigarette out from his inside pocket and lit it, following the singer through into the kitchen. “So,” he leant against the doorframe idly playing with a puzzle cube that he found on the work top. “How are you? Are you OK?”

“Hmm… am I OK? Well…” He poured the water into the three mugs and smiled to himself as he filled the third, “Yes, I’m going to have to say that I’m good. In all honesty, I don’t think I could be any better… Here.” He passed the cup over and hopped up onto the bench behind him, feet kicking aimlessly against the door as he finished and then discarded the evil smokey naughtiness from between his fingers into the one ashtray in the house.

“You don’t look it…” Meaning the cut and bruise issue, I would assume.

“This? Oh… it’s nothing. I’m a little clumsy sometimes, that’s all. Anyway, it’ll give the damn makeup girl something else to bitch to me about. I’ll just cover it up with my…” he was going to say hair but then realised that no, he wouldn’t cover it up with his hair because his long fringe was no more! “Perhaps not then…”

Clumsy, huh? Accidentally walked into Kai’s fist, did you? Aoi nodded knowingly, the true cause of Ruki’s bruised eye not as much of a mystery as the singer would make out. Changing the subject, “Do you know what the meeting is about tomorrow morning?” He tipped the little cup back and drained it’s contents, reaching over into Ruki’s space to grind the cigarette end into a heap of scorched tobacco and a filter.

An answer came not from Ruki, but from the half naked man who walked through into the front room. Reita, notably wearing only jeans and a fading erection, stretched his arms high above his head as he struggled to shrug off sleepyness. Hair a tangled blonde mess, eyes brown and lense-free and still the fading red teeth marks on his chest from their encounter the afternoon before, he had no intention whatsoever of staying in the bedroom out of the way. He’d never hide… not now. “I know what it’s about…”

He wandered past a nervous looking Ruki and a somewhat inquisitive Aoi and picked up the last remaining cup from beside the kettle. “This for me?” (Ruki nodded slowly, not quite knowing how he would explain the bassist emerging semi naked from his bedroom!) “Thanks…” Oh, and now the sweetest of kisses! Lips barely parting for a moment of stolen intimacy, the hand that cupped Ruki’s face and falteringly rested against his neck for a moment before trailing one finger across creased black cotton down to his groin. “But you’re going to have to give me my shirt back before I can go home… Hey Shiro.”

Aoi didn’t have words. He couldn’t think of one smart assed comment to make to either of them. Ok, Reita had said that they’d kissed and yeah, he’d said that they were going to be together… but Aoi didn’t ever think, really deep down believe, that he was going to witness it first hand. Keiyuu’s words from days before rang loudly in his ears…

“Ruki and Reita? Who wouldn’t want to see that?”

He swallowed hard, the fact of the matter being that it did turn him on. It aroused him more than he cared to admit and made him think of nothing but bad bad bad thoughts. Ruki’s eyes too were wide as the full moon and he waited for the disgust/revulsion/anger to come spewing forth from the guitarist. But it didn’t and he couldn’t quite understand why.

Reita continued, “You remember yesterday morning, when I was kidnapped by mini-genki? He told me some rather interesting things about our beloved Company but to cut a long story short, because seriously Shiroyama you look like someone just slapped you, it was only a kiss for fucks sake! There’s some legal bumf to sign and then me and this idiot here are free to fuck as much as we chose!” He squeezed Ruki’s knee a little, probably wanted to do more in truth; hold him, kiss him, love him… “Oh, with the proper discretion of course.” Smile.

The subconscious movements that saw Ruki curl his fingers around Reita’s forearm did not go unnoticed by the bassist. The more physical contact they had, the more he wanted; little moments like these just reinforcing the fact to him that this was what he needed more than anything.

“You know about us? You told them? When? How?” Ruki was puzzled now, inevitable really as he had been a “dumb blonde” for a good portion of his adult life! Confusion raged across his features as his eyes flicked back and forth from Aoi to Reita, searching for an answer from one of them at least! He held onto Reita’s wrist just for the sake of contact more than anything, just to be close to him… could he really have told everyone about them?

Aoi gestured that he would quite like a refill of his tea cup so Ruki, ever the good host, slid off the counter top and made another round of drinks for the three, keeping Reita in his peripheral vision at all times.

“Akira?” He mumbled to the kettle, his voice barely heard over the bubbling and hissing as the water boiled. Similar really to how Ruki himself felt at that point… he’d planned it all perfectly in his head - ok it wasn’t the best thought out of plans but he hoped it would work. First he’d quietly mention something to Uruha about how people change and friendships grow yada yada etc… Laying the ground for moving forward with - "Suzuki and I… things have changed… we’ve changed… it’s love I think, Kouyou…" And then, on hopefully gaining Uruha’s support he would approach the Joker Prince with the news and take all the derision that the older one was sure to bestow upon him. And then, with two more allies by their side, they could face Kai once more. And this time, there would be no backing down.

“Mmm?” Nothing would stop Reita from smiling at the back of Ruki’s head. Perhaps it was the mundane ness of the task which he performed that was so enduring. Catching the water just before it boiled and pouring it into the little teapot, then swirling the pale green mixture around a little before pouring it into their waiting cups. So very far from “Stage Ruki” cursing into his microphone and spitting his anger at the audience… So very badass! He shrugged his shoulders, not that anyone was really watching and studied his belly button for a moment, sure that there was some fluff that had no right to be there whatsoever! His words seemed to be directed at the floor, not at Ruki or Aoi - he tried to keep his cool no matter what but when Matsumoto was concerned, he was finding it harder and harder to keep his image intact.

“They were going to find out sooner or later… Sooner just seemed to be a good time, that’s all…”

“Thanks…” Aoi accepted his cup back and tried to busy his mind by rubbing at a sore patch on one finger. The ring that more often than not he wore on his middle finger had rubbed a dry patch and it itched… I wonder if they’ve slept together… was the supposition that meandered through his thoughts even though the blatantly obvious teeth marks on Reita’s chest and the half smiles that appeared and vanished from his features every few moments were sure fire signs of I got laid…

“Why didn’t you tell me? What happened?” Ruki was shocked. This wasn’t what he expected at all, but then Reita was doing quite well at surprising him with the unexpected of late.

“Nothing much… Uke was telling them a heap of fucking lies and I set them straight, that’s all. Nothing to report.”

“Yeah, and then Takashima and I had to stop the two of them from ripping each other’s head off…”

Ruki slapped his free hand to his face, dragging the fingers down over his glasses. “Oh great… just perfect. He’s going to hate me even more now than he already did.”

“No… Somehow I think he’ll get over it.” Aoi’s smirk gave away no reason why he would think that and only left the other two wondering. They’d find out soon enough though.

The three moved their little get together from the kitchen to the sofas of Ruki’s living space, Aoi sitting cross legged on the floor, resting against the chair rather than actually sitting on it and the other two next to each other on the sofa. The awkwardness with which they’d paused and hesitated over deciding who was sitting where was more than fascinating; Aoi felt as if he was part of it, this strange new relationship and experiencing it all for the first time too. In one moment they were as they always had been, Reita relaxed and reclining back on the sofa, his legs spread as wide as possible and Ruki, leaning forward with his hands clasped tightly together in front of him. And then, someone would crack a joke or say something funny and Ruki would rock back against the bassist, his head falling sideways onto Reita’s still bare chest for a moment… and then they would both remember themselves and self consciously shift apart, returning to their original positions.

Fascinating. Aoi couldn’t resist asking… “So, I’m guessing you stayed here last night Suzuki…” Trying his best to be subtle and smooth with it, Aoi could do nothing to hide the grin that nudged his lips wider.

Reita’s eyes narrowed a little, he knew damn well what the older one was going to ask; if anything he was surprised that it had taken so long… “Yes…” he began carefully, pacing his reply to not let anything slip, “I stayed here…What of it?”

“Oh… nothing, nothing… just wondering.” He became silent for a moment, a more serious look became his visage for the time; only until the smile returned, spiral bound lip smirking at them both… “Oh come on!! Did you…?” Widening his eyes and hoping that they could both read minds, he nodded in the general direction of Ruki’s room. Details, that was what Aoi really wanted, his own secret perversions not too well known to the others but he could be persuaded to confess if he thought he might get to see a little action. Aoi want yaoi. Now!!!

Ruki folded his arms, and then crossed his legs, and then made to stand; uncomfortable he was with how this conversation was progressing. He was used to keeping his feelings secret, unknown to anyone other than his reflection and his conscience. All of this being open was uncharted territory for him and he had thought that Reita shared in these sentiments. How wrong he was as he found that he was stopped, as Reita caught his wrist when he tried to get up and pulled him back down - much closer though than where he had been sitting previously.

“Sit down, Matsumoto.” Reita’s fingers wrapped protectively around Ruki’s, holding his hand was as much as either really wanted Aoi to see.

“You’re a dirty old man, Shiro, plain and simple.” Ruki relaxed back against his partner’s chest, happy to feel the bare skin against his arm and the feint thud of his heartbeat which matched the pulse visible on his neck.

Aoi held his hands up in defeat. “Yeah, ok. You’ve got me! I guess I’ll leave you guys to it… can I use your bathroom Taka? All this tea has gone straight through me.”

“Sure… you know where it is.”

Aoi pushed himself up and wandered out towards the bathroom, leaving the two who had begun to punch each other on the thigh with increasing intensity. Some things, it seemed, would never change! After relieving himself as necessary, Aoi couldn’t resist a peek into Ruki’s bedroom… what he expected to see there, who knows. The bed was a tangled mess of sheets and pillows - not it’s usual tidy self - Ruki was known as being a very still sleeper most of the time. On tour, his bunk sometimes looked as if he’d not slept in it at all; Reita’s being the complete opposite - not too dissimilar to what the bed looked like here. There was no doubt about it, this scene had Reita’s personality all over it.

He smiled to himself again, it was good that they’d found each other even though they hadn’t gone about it in the most conventional of ways. But what was conventional about admitting you were in love with your best friend? With this thought, he made his way back to the living room and stopped dead in his tracks. He hadn’t seen the kiss on stage - he’d been too busy psyching the crowd up and getting ready for the rest of Miseinen. But now he had no reason not to stare…

They both seemed so at ease, Ruki leaning over Reita ever so slightly pushing him down onto the arm of the sofa, his fingers stroking the bassists’ neck and collar bone. They either didn’t notice Aoi standing in the doorway or they just didn’t care; as still they kissed, completely and utterly involved with each other. When Reita slipped his hand past the waistband of Ruki’s jeans, Aoi knew (begrudgingly) that he should announce his reappearance. He coughed just enough to get their attention; Ruki looked up for a moment and seemed to disregard the guitarist, instead turning his attention to Reita’s neck and kissing him again and again.

Possessively stroking Ruki’s back, Reita bent his head to facilitate the attention to the sensitive skin of his throat. “See you tomorrow, Shiroyama. See yourself out…”

All of a sudden, Aoi was pleased to leave. It had got quite warm and claustrophobic in that room in the last few moments. He pulled the door behind him, catching his breath in his throat as Reita’s muffled sigh was just audible through the wood.

“Ruki……”

Business as Usual 13

Sun, 25 Nov 2007 19:29:35 GMT

Chapter 13

Violent Discharge

Ruki’s bedroom, the place where he slept. It wasn’t a huge room, but it wasn’t cramped either… not like his room back in Yokohama - that was just the stuff from a large room crammed into a small one.

It wasn’t completely dark anymore either, lights had been turned on - the room being bathed in a low golden hue from the upward facing lamps on each wall. The walls were deepest crimson - the colour of wine - bare save for one drawing, penned of course by Ruki’s own hand. Something from deep within his subconscious that had fought it’s way out through black ink - a dark and shadowy character drowning in a sea of eyeballs; clawing against the air and trying to pull itself up onto a grinning skull…

As a contrast to the claret walls and the black cotton sheets there were two gold cushions, surprisingly enough exactly the same fabric as the gold trousers he’d refused to wear only a few days earlier. But that was typical Ruki, never letting PSC have an easy ride - determined was he to make them work for his approval!

The wall lights were on a dimmer switch, and it was now that Ruki turned them down even lower, causing the elements to be clearly visible as a jagged flash inside the glass bulbs. The air was heavy with his cologne, which was only heightened the closer he came to Reita; still shrouded in the blanket he held it loosely around him with one hand, the other reaching forwards.

Fingertips grazed Reita’s jaw briefly and then buried themselves in the warmth of the longer sections of hair that hung down the nape of his neck and Ruki pulled the taller one towards him. He let his gaze wander over his friends’ face for a moment, hair bleached dry and blonde falling in his face; lips pursed in that ever present half pout that pushed his bottom lip forward just a little…

Oh! How Ruki thought he might die if he didn’t kiss those lips again; not to do it would be a crime for which he could never forgive himself. And those lips would be so soft and compliant, parting when asked and yielding to his tongue. The blanket fell to the floor in a forgotten heap and the bassist’s hands found their place against the small of Ruki’s back; the lines of his body were so perfectly masculine but with a certain undeniable softness that just begged to be touched. His skin was warm and patterned by the crease marks of sleep, a haphazard maze of crossed lines that were slow to fade in the half light. Kiss they did, perfectly small moments of intimacy that marked the beginning of what was going to become so much more.

Reita was making up for lost time. He was determined to claw back the moments that had been overlooked due to his past hesitance… With his heart in his mouth because he didn‘t really know what Ruki's reaction to this would be, he abused his height advantage, grasped Ruki around the waist and picked him up off the floor. But the younger didn’t seem perturbed and only wrapped his legs around the older and allowed himself to be carried over to the bed. He was already hardening in his PJs and pressed his hips well against Reita’s stomach to make damn sure he noticed. Their lips never parted.

The bed was still warm, and the scent that leapt from the sheets as Reita lay his burden against them was nothing short of sensory overload. It was ginger and cardamom, juniper and sandalwood; the aroma of photo shoots and dressing rooms and the nervous huddle just before a show. It was pure Ruki and it belonged with the man whose hands were against his shoulders, pushing him away from the rising and falling of his bare chest to break the lingering kiss. Ruki shifted up across the bed a little to make more room for Reita to kneel over him, and thus sitting just shy of the now noticeable bulge in his PJs. Now, his hands rested on Reita’s thighs; now they moved up to the crease at his groin…

The anticipation was killing Ruki - I’ve finally done it, he’s finally here in my bedroom… His “to do” list regarding Reita was endless, he’d had more than enough time to formulate all the hypothetical encounters that he supposed they’d never have, but now it was really happening he found himself a little lost for words - well, actions anyway. The barely there smile that teased the corners of his lips upwards was the sum of his actions, he just hoped that Reita would take the initiative because he was damn sure that he didn’t know what to do!

Reita now knew that he needed to touch every last inch of Ruki’s body, investigate every curve of muscle and map out every sensitive spot that the singer possessed. Kissing his way past the chain around Ruki’s neck, his fingertips paved the way for his lips and teeth to follow swiftly after. He wound a trail from collar bone to pelvis, stopping every few steps to glance up at Ruki’s face for reassurance. He need not have worried though, the fingers that were still tangled in his hair provided a steady pressure that made sure they stayed close, and he found that it was immensely satisfying to hear the singers’ breathing shift in tempo and tone the lower down his body he moved. Immensely satisfying indeed.

His skin teased with the slightest of nips, Ruki flinched once or twice but did nothing to try and stop it. The pain, it seemed was keeping him sane and on this side, the right side of over the edge. Reita’s kisses were more than arousing, they were fire and ice against his skin and the lower they went the hotter they made him. He had to keep pulling himself back from the sweet ecstasy that was so close to exploding in his baggy pants - close as they had become, he still had his pride and would never live it down if he came in his pyjamas! And so Ruki had to work quickly and still he said nothing, hands untangling from dark blonde he just tugged at the Tshirt which Reita wore; the material that still separated them. I want this off.

Reita sat upright, still straddling the other and obligingly pulled his shirt over his head. The bassist’s weight lifted, Ruki shuffled back a little more out from between his legs, the friction of the bed dragging his bottoms down a couple of inches past what would be considered decent. He sat up on his knees, mirroring the pose of the other in a moment of silent preparation for what was upon them. The silence broken only by the pattern of two whose breathing was so perfectly in time with each other.

Inhibition. Let’s look that word up, shall we? Conscious or unconscious restraint of a desire or an impulse. Yeah, that sounds like our heroes, right? Holding back for way too long. Now, losing one’s inhibitions - it’s generally associated with some external force, drink or drugs perhaps. So what is the catalyst in this situation? A matter of a few hours earlier and Reita couldn’t look at Ruki, embarrassed and almost shunning the sight of him naked but passion had changed that; and now it forced him to look and the realisation that he could look and was free to touch and kiss and take… well it prickled the hairs on his arms and sent a judder of adrenaline though his body. For you see, that’s the catalyst - realisation - the realisation that everything you’ve been feeling, everything you thought was wrong or immoral is reciprocated by the object of your depravity and that he wants you in a way you never could have believed.

They met with all the force of a car crash, lips finding their equal and opposite number and pressing against each other hard enough to hurt and at the same time, Ruki’s hands fumbling in the urgency to relieve Reita of his trousers and underwear. He didn’t struggle for long as now he was a seasoned professional at these buttons and in the blink of an eye they were falling open around his knees allowing Ruki access to feel wherever he liked. And that was everywhere. Reita was wonderfully aroused, hot and hard and already moist to the touch; as Ruki’s fingers wrapped around him, a barely audible moan escaped from Reita muffled by their kiss and one thought flashed with neon brightness in his minds eye and spilled out from his vocal chords.

He bowed his head, embarrassed that it was so damn obvious how much he now needed the singer, but in doing so just secured himself a perfect view of Ruki pulling his own bottoms down and touching himself with his free hand… It was too much.

“Ruki, fuck me… Please.”

The words that one thought they would never say and the other thought they would never hear were now out there and there was no recalling them.
You really said it… you really want this, don’t you? Shit… I’m so close this won’t last…

Looking at Reita, lying there on his bed, giving himself over -

I don’t want to hurt you but I don’t think I can wait any longer…

He slid two fingers past his lips; he could taste Reita on his skin and it was offensive just how turned on that made him. It would more than likely hurt them both, but for that moment Ruki didn’t care anymore. He rubbed his moist finger tips against the spot he intended on defiling, took hold of himself and pressed his erection against the body below.

Reita didn’t know how it would feel, he was pretty sure it would hurt and he was positive that it was what he wanted. He didn’t have long to wait. But for a long time after this, he’d not be able to watch his band mate too closely at photo shoots. Want to know why? The finger in mouth, that’s why. Because every time he saw Ruki touch his lips like that, no matter how fake and staged the pose was, it would be this moment all over again; the moment before all the pieces of their muddled puzzle fell into place and they did what fate dictated they should do.

Left leg falling over to one side, he took a long relaxing breath in and then out again, both to soothe and calm himself. Ruki was now leaning over him, his own breathing pretty inconsistent - his pulse noticeably pounding through the veins that stood proud on his neck and the backs of his hands - his dark hair was damp around his temples and as Reita reached up around his neck to pull him closer, he realised the sweat was now glistening between Ruki’s shoulder blades too. Young male bodies weren’t meant to be naked and hot and pressed together… Oh shit! Yes they were! He jumped at his own caress, if Ruki fucked him or not, he would come in a matter of moments without question because he could smell Ruki and touch Ruki and feel Ruki pushing into him…

Slowly… oh so slowly… Ruki could feel it coming, the warmth that was quickening into a tight knot just south of his navel; the energy of all his passion and all his fire shaking the arms that held him up and buckling his knees under him. In one breath he pushed forward completely into Reita… every muscle in his body tensed and a euphoric calm clouded his mind… and quite simply, he came.

Reita felt it before Ruki did; the itch that couldn’t be scratched, the thirst that couldn’t be quenched… So, this was what it felt like to be fucked by another man…? No, not just another man - this was Takanori. Ironic, funny and beautiful Takanori. Who could bring you to tears with a song one minute and make you piss yourself laughing with a stupid impression or a joke the next. He of the pale skin and dark moles - all of which just made him seem all the more human and removed from the airbrushed perfection of RUKI. This was who he wanted, this was who he loved and this was who he arched against and gave himself to, a more perfect orgasm he couldn’t remember.

Ruki rolled over and lay on his back, staring at the ceiling. He still hadn’t spoken and the vacant far away look was back on his face. His breathing had slowed back to something that was near to a normal rate and now the realisation that he was in fact naked reawakened in him. His cheeks coloured a little and he sat up to reach for one of the gold cushions, placing it strategically over his genitals. He looked over at Reita who obviously didn’t give a damn about baring himself and smiled.

Reita propped himself up on one elbow and looked right back at him. “What are you grinning for?”

“No reason… just thinking…”

“About..?”

“You. Me. Us.” Ruki looked over at the clock, it was just after five am. He reached down and pulled the forgotten blanket up from the floor where it had fallen, covering themselves in the process. And again, he yawned… “We’ll be alright, won’t we Aki?” Sleep coming all the more quickly now, his eyes were heavy and couldn’t be kept open.

Reita scooted over to lay behind him, pausing to reach up above the bed and flick the lights off. His arm wanted to hold Ruki to him, and he kissed the other man’s shoulder in the darkness.

“We’ll be just… fine…” Akira closed his eyes and rested his head against the other's back. And promptly fell asleep.

Business as Usual 12

Sun, 25 Nov 2007 19:28:58 GMT

Chapter 12

Don’t stop me now…

The dusk had closed in on the two men in the silver pickup truck long before they were within sight of the brash illumination of Tokyo. They drove in silence, Ruki leaning against the window watching the buildings race past, Reita casting the occasional glace his way. Every now and again he would let the blurry images become even more blurry and shift his focus to the reflection of the driver; sometimes catching his eye and smiling to himself. The smile dissolved all to quickly though, and he resumed watching the moving concrete.

They’d said their goodbyes to Hoshi and Kazuo, Ruki’s being laced with promises of more frequent visits, trips to the city - hell he even said his parents should come to one of their shows! And amongst much “goodbye-ing” and “don’t be a stranger-ing” they’d got into the truck and driven off. It was Saturday night.

And now, the possibility of a future together was being offered to them both; laid out along a clear path lit by the contractual jargon of PSC. Complicated as it might seem, it was theirs for the taking. All of a sudden, Ruki wasn’t so sure that this was what he wanted; and the reason why was eating him up inside.

He shifted in his seat turning a little more towards the driver, who in turn looked right back at him. There wasn’t a trace of emotion of any description on his face. His eyes remained blank the whole duration of the stare, and it took a comment from Ruki to remind him:

“Road? Driving?”

“Mmm… so I am.” Face turned away now, it was a moment before Reita spoke once more, “What are you thinking Taka? ……… Think we’ve made a mistake?”

“Am I that transparent?” He mumbled the reply through the cigarette that had made it’s way between his lips, lighting and inhaling it’s murderous smoke he slid the window down and knocked the ash that hadn’t formed against the ledge. “I can’t do this… we’ve not even tried and I just know…”

“You can’t hide your feelings… yeah yeah yeah, I thought as much.” He glared at the other, noting that he hadn’t offered his cigarettes but he didn’t say anything. Ruki looked truly miles away, he was staring so far out of the window, he was probably already home. And that was it, for the rest of the journey they remained silent. It wasn’t until Reita pulled into the carpark at Ruki’s building that any words were spoken. He backed into the space next to Ruki’s own car in silence; pulled on the handbrake in silence and looked to his passenger, waiting…

“So…” Should I turn off the ignition? Am I staying, am I going? “What are we doing now… do you want me to come up?”

The question roused Ruki from his thoughts, he mumbled something that in another life could possibly have been English, unbuckled his seatbelt and opened the door. Random obscenities were commonplace around Ruki - sometimes he could have whole conversations in foul and broken English with himself - but that was all part of his charm. The general silence though, well that was possibly a bad sign, but Reita was used to the singer’s mood fluctuations. It must be a scary and crazy place inside Ruki’s mind, no doubt about that!

Reita watched him take a few steps around to the front of the truck and he stood there, the headlights streaming around him, casting his shadow long and distorted behind and across the wall. Little specks of dust danced in the bright lights but Ruki did not shade his eyes from the glare. He bathed in the light, as bright as any spotlight ever had been - this was what brought him to life, as Ruki and as centre of attention he could accomplish anything!

“This is how I feel, Akira.” The explaination came easily now, silence was a thing of the past. His words coming forcefully, breathy and heavy with meaning. He forced it out; it needed saying. “This is me - caught in the fucking headlights; I’m stunned and shocked…” but no, now - mentally he was sagging, for this wasn’t a stage and he wasn’t Ruki… “And I’m just too tired to really say anything.” He banged his fist hard against his temple once and then again, “The last few days have been hell, pure fucking hell and you ask me “do you want me to come up?” Of course I want you to come up! Fucking hell, I don’t want you to ever leave!”

Reita turned the headlights off; it was at that point that Ruki covered his eyes. Such a strange guy… He climbed out of the truck and pushed the door shut, taking a moment to collect himself, his hand leaving a moist shadow on the painted metal - there could only be one thing, one solitary thought that ran around his mind and it both scared and excited him like no other; what am I going to do if he wants to have sex?.

Hands, hands on his hips, hands willing him to turn around, hands pushing him back against the door. The on/off spark that came and went in Ruki’s eye had returned and burned brightly behind clear contacts, stretching on his toes just a little, he kissed the bassist in one fluid movement. His lips closing over Reita’s and before he could even react, the contact was lost, and Ruki was walking towards the elevator. “I’m getting quite good at this, don’t you think?”

Reita strode after him, it not taking more than a couple of steps to catch up, his lips still cooling from the gesture a moment before. “Good at what?”

“Hiding it.”

“Hiding what? You just kissed me in full view of anyone who might care to look!”

The elevator announced it’s arrival and Ruki shouldered his bag again and lead the way, the mirrored wall reflecting the true extent of his butchered hair. He frowned at his reflection but said nothing. He was sure PSC could magic him some new hair, they had the technology after all!

“Yeah well… I kissed you in front of a couple of thousand fans too but none of them seemed too bothered.” Dumping the bag down, he squatted down against the wall, possibly knowing damn well that his jeans were tight and his knees were well spread in this position… Half closing his eyes, he looked up through the remains of his fringe, his finger unconsciously resting between his lips, and when he spoke, he spoke directly to Reita’s groin. “Reita…”

Pulse increasing. Palms getting sweaty. Is it hot in here or is it just YOU? “Mm huh?” A properly constructed sentence, subject object verb, was beyond him at that moment, he was surprised his vocal chords had even managed to vibrate the mumble correctly.

“Push the button….”

“The butto… oh shit yeah…" Stupid sexy Ruki… “Sometimes Matsumoto… just sometimes…“

“What?” A smirk: innocent, he was not. He watched the numbers above the door light up as his floor came ever closer. And then they were there. The doors slid effortlessly open and both men dug their hands deep into their pockets and made the way along the hall around the corner - all the way to Ruki’s home.

“Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on playing when you’ve got a fucking hard on?? Why the hell do you think I have to bend over so damn much…”

Ruki suppressed a smile - it was good to know that he had that effect on the other man. And it was something that he would make sure he exploited as often as possible from that point onwards. “That’s rather a random comment… But now I think of it, I’m sure I‘ve seen you checking out Shiro’s arse before!” He unlocked the door, noting that the “rubbish” bag had thankfully been taken away and walked inside, throwing his keys onto the table and dumping his boots in their corner.

“Funny. That’s not why and you know it.” Reita’s comment was mainly there for covering his nerves, but it didn’t help. Considering he and Ruki had known each other for longer than he cared to remember, it was uncanny just how awkward he felt at that precise moment. He busied himself with his own shoes, even though they were slip on cowboy boots and could have been pulled off in seconds he somehow managed to make it last a minute at least.

Ruki took off his jacket and cast it over the back of the sofa as part of his standard journey to the kitchen. He called back, “Do you want a drink or something?” To which Reita replied in the affirmative, that yes he would like a drink. Looking around Ruki’s apartment, everything was just as it always had been. Nothing to indicate that anything out of the ordinary was going on, nothing more than Reita stopping over rather than make the drive back to his own home. He’d done it countless times before - this would be no different.

He wanted to move from the door way but he really did have to wait for the moment of nervous energy to dissipate; but however hard he tried to calm his breathing and beg his heart to stop racing, still his pulse refused to behave normally. All Reita had done was sit down on the sofa, shoulders rolled forward as he leant on his knees but he looked far from being at ease, looking around him like he was there for the first time in the lair of the enemy. Ruki would not mess this up, he would not get this wrong, he would be “The one and only Ruki - the demon fearless front man with the ego to match” and not this apprehensive Matsumoto creature who was on the verge of running for the hills and far far away from what he fucking longed to do. He coughed to announce his re-entrance into the room and sat himself down next to Reita.

“Here… So… Anything worth watching on the TV?” Fuck!! Ruki reached for the remote control, and flicked the TV on. TV, what an aphrodisiac… more like a passion killer!

Reita stared at the screen, he couldn’t help himself. Nothing, just nothing would make him turn his head because he knew… the second he did, he’d find himself looking into those endless oceans of dark brown. Thankful was he that the singer wore coloured contacts so often, because if his lips were addictive, his eyes were bloody intoxicating. They could make him do anything - he was sure of it!

And then, Ruki’s body made the first important decision of that night - he yawned and he couldn’t stop it. Realisation flooded through his increasingly heavy limbs… he was tired, dead tired and felt like he could sleep for an eternity. “Aki… shit! I didn’t realise I was so sleepy… you don’t mind if…?”

Oh, thank you!!!!! Reita would remember this moment the next time he passed a shrine, offerings would be given. He had been saved. Ruki would go to bed, which meant that Reita could conveniently fall asleep on the sofa as he had done many many times before and they would both have fresh heads to work around the relationship issue in the morning. It sounds cold, doesn’t it? Like the business arrangement that PSC would have it be but in all seriousness, neither of them had the slightest clue that this would happen. OK, they both wanted it - wanted each other more than they’d probably ever admit, but boys being boys neither was going to make the first move. They hadn’t planned any further ahead than this precise moment… but sleeping together? Falling into the sweet abyss of deep relaxation, curled in each other’s arms? It hadn’t even crossed their minds…

“No… of course not! I don’t mind - you go to bed… I’ll… I’ll… well…” What was Reita going to do? Strip down to his shorts and creep into bed next to his friend? Spoon up close to him and bury his face against Ruki’s bare shoulders? Run his fingers the length of Ruki’s body and lose himself between his legs? He probably could do… Ruki might let him… hell, he might even want him to! This could be his subtle way of saying, “bed time Rei-chan”. It wasn’t very likely though, Ruki had never been famed for his subtlety just like Reita had never been praised for his passive temper!

Ruki stood up and stretched, lifting his arms high up and in turn bending them behind his back. Stretching felt good, it felt nice to reach up towards the ceiling and let the muscles in his back cry out in protest and then pleasure, relaxing him further and preparing his body for sleep. Moving behind the sofa, his brows shifted together in a moment of concentration and thought - it passed and he leant forward over the back of the sofa and rested his palms on Reita’s shoulders, thumbs rubbing gently against the back of his neck. “It’s your call, Akira. We’re both playing this by ear a little… you know where my room is… but seriously, don’t do anything you’re not comfortable with.” Leaning in a little more, his arms now wrapping around the blonde’s body, he pressed his lips firmly against Reita’s cheek. “I’m pleased though… I am.” Reita held one of his own hands against the smooth arms around his neck, his grip increasing as the moment progressed.

“I’m pleased too. I’m going to watch TV for a while… then I’ll come to bed. Ok?”

“Ok… That sounds like a plan...” Another yawn took over Ruki’s vocal chords and airways and with a final squeeze he trudged wearily down to his room.

Reita watching him go, kicking himself that he wasn’t going with him; he lay down on the sofa and flicked through some more mindless crap on the TV. In time, his eyes became heavy - it was a struggle just to keep them open. I’ll just have a little nap here… five minutes…

It was dark when Ruki opened his eyes, so dark in fact he couldn’t decide if his eyes really were open or if he was just dreaming that he was awake. He didn’t know how long he’d been asleep for, but he was alone - Reita hadn’t joined him after all. It is too much to expect so soon… He reminded himself of this as he pulled his blanket off the bed, wrapping it around his bare shoulders, the baggy drawstring bottoms clinging onto his slim hips for all they were worth, covering his feet and ragged where the hems had worn thin.

He shuffled down the hall to where the light of the TV could still be seen, glowing a pale wash that trickled under the closed door. Reita was one with the sofa, face down and squashed against the arm rest, his mouth and strangely enough, one eye slightly open. It’s things like that you only learn about by experiencing them. He guessed that Reita didn’t know he slept with his eyes open and generally, before that night when they had slept in close proximity they’d either been completely dead drunk or exhausted from a live. Ruki watched him now, as he slept he unconsciously blew a little tuft of hair up and then sucked it down again, only to blow it back up a second or so later.

Everything that had attracted him to Reita was still there. The attitude, the face, the body… And now, it could be his for the taking - if that’s what he so wanted. And he did, oh so very much.

Reita stirred on the sofa, rolling his head sideways enough to bring Ruki in the doorway well into view. He couldn’t help but smile at the figure with the quilt pulled over his head, his bare feet poking out of the ends of some really ragged pyjama bottoms… no top though. All Ruki was wearing was smooth pale skin from the waist upwards, the contrast complete and flawless. Luminescent perfection in the half light from the TV. Reita had to blink just to make sure it wasn’t a dream or a vision or something similar.

“I fell asleep…” Rubbing his eyes, Reita pushed himself up from the sofa, shifting around into a sitting position. He clasped his fingers together and pushed his palms out and up, shaking off the uncomfortable residue of sleep.

Ruki said nothing, but held out his hand. The gesture having one and only one meaning at that moment. Come to bed… And so, Reita complied with this, allowing himself to be lead from the sofa, down the hall and into Ruki’s Room.

The door closed behind them both, sealing their fate.

Business as Usual 11

Sun, 25 Nov 2007 19:28:14 GMT

Chapter 11

“What the fuck do you think you’re doing?” Ruki struggled free of the arms that held his shoulders, the back of his hand swiping across his lips to remove any trace of Reita. “You fucking arsehole. After what you did, you think you can just waltz in here, kiss me and then everything’ll be alright? Well it ain’t going to fucking work, please get the hell out of my house!” Ruki kicked his trainers off and wandered into the living room. “I can’t hear you leaving!”

“Dammit!” Reita’s curse didn’t quite come out as far under his breath as he thought it would as he squat down to hurriedly pull his own boots off. Kicking himself free he scrambled to his feet and went after Ruki. He found him cross legged on the sofa, flicking through the channels on the TV. “Taka…”

“Fuck off.” Ignoring him still, he carried on flicking the numbers higher on the TV. The mantra repeating itself in his head - Just go away… go away… go away.

“Takanori… don’t ignore me.”

“I’m not ignoring you. “Fuck off” isn’t ignoring you. It’s way more than you deserve.”

“Cute. I didn’t drag my arse all the way out here for that.”

“Well tough shit, because I don’t want to talk to you.” He pushed himself up off the sofa, the TV remote falling to the floor. “I don’t want to see you,” Ruki always hated that he had to tilt his head to look the bassist in the eye, “I don’t want to breathe the same air as you. The “fuck off” still stands.” He pushed past Reita, knocking him with his shoulder as we went. The bang to follow was his bedroom door slamming shut.

For a second, Reita was bewildered and just stood looking at the floor. The back had fallen off the remote control so he picked it up and reassembled the thing, placing it on the table. He hadn’t expected that sort of reception… no wait. He hadn’t known what to expect, so an angry short haired and short tempered Ruki was not too unlikely. He stormed down the hallway to what could only be Ruki’s closed door. He knocked and got no answer.

“Ruki!! Stop acting like a fucking teenager and listen to me!” The door wasn’t locked, Reita jiggled the handle expecting resistance that just wasn’t there. He swung it open to find Ruki sitting in the window, a cigarette lazily drooping from his lips. As he stood there, the singer drew heavily upon the smoke - a bright orange glow springing from the end as he breathed in deeply.

“Please,” the smoke made it’s way out of his lungs a little at a time with each word, “Just leave me alone. Didn’t you think that you did enough damage already?”

“Since when did you start smoking again?” Reita closed the door, stepping forward into the room. He wasn’t leaving, Ruki would have to physically throw him out if he really did want to be alone.

“Since when did you start caring?” Ruki threw the spent stub into the bushes below his window and turned to the lurker at the door.

“That’s not fair…” Sometimes, it was pointless trying to talk to Ruki. Every once in a while he got like this, just completely unapproachable. He’d sit silent in interviews and comments and not speak, refuse to “play ball” in photo shoots and generally do whatever he could to be awkward. This seemed like it was one of those times, typical really. The one time Reita had some good news, the other didn’t want to listen.

“Yeah, sure you care. All you care about is stringing me a pack of lies just so you can have a quick grope to fuel some sick fantasy. Well fine. You had your fun, now just sod off back to Tokyo and leave me alone.” And then he completed his teenage regression by pushing past Reita once again and practically throwing himself face down on the bed, covering his head with a pillow.

“You stroppy little shit! After all I’ve done for you, for us, today… Look. Look!” Reita sat down on the end of the bed and pulled the folded copy of the contract from his pocket. He rolled it up and swatted the singer across the arse with it, trying not to notice the strip of pale skin that peeped out where his T-shirt had ridden up over his back.

Under his pillow, nose squashed against the mattress, Ruki glared at the knock to his rear. He peered out from under one corner to see what the piece of paper was that Reita had thrown at him. He could see the PSC Company Ltd logo at the top and some legal jargon that vaguely translated itself into a contractual heading? Curiosity, however, got the better of teenage tantrums and he pulled the pillow from his head; Reita was watching him from near his feet - a curious kind of smile touching the corners of his mouth.

“What’s this?” Sitting up now, he crossed his legs once more, unconsciously shifting a little bit closer to the bassist.

“Just read it you arse… It’s a big “fuck you” to Kai,” he took his cap off to scratch the side of his head, nerves telling him to do something other than engage eye contact with Ruki. “And I guess it’s an even bigger “I’m sorry” from me.”

Ruki eyed him suspiciously for a second, that sounded quite sincere… The first paragraph of the document was enough to cause a reaction though… all consensual parties… disclaimer of confidentiality…physical contact policies??? “Where did you get this?”

“Kimura. Keiyuu said it's quite common actually…" Reita trailed off, not daring to say anymore. The contract itself slowly being crushed by the hand that held it. The whiteness of Ruki’s knuckles matching the white of the paper, his hand shaking to show just how outraged he was.

“Kimura? Keiyuu? Just who the fuck else did you tell? Oh great, just fucking wonderful.” He screwed the paper up completely - not bothering to read any more of it’s clauses and stipulations - and threw it across the room. Pacing, that was the thing to do… sort your head out Ruki, think. “Poor love struck Ruki - I can hear them all now…”

Reita’s eyes followed him to the left and back again, watching him wringing his hands as he paced. But… love struck?

“ ‘Been reading too much fan fiction, Ruki?’ ‘Fell for the bassist, huh Ruki’ ‘Thought you’d get some arse, did you Ruki?’ How could you be so fucking stupid??!!!”

(Reita didn’t hear him, he was too busy smiling to himself). Love struck… love struck… love…

As far as Ruki could see, his reputation was now in tatters, career possibly over; he’d be the laughing stock of PSC, the gay outcast of The Family - the brother no one really wants to mention. Of course, if he’d read the damn contract properly he’d know that it wasn’t the case. But he hadn’t and his temper had taken over from common sense; all he could think about was how that smile had to be wiped off Reita’s smirking face. And now!

Turning on his heels, he pounced on Reita, grabbing him by the shirt and pinning him to the bed. It caught him completely by surprise, the sudden weight knocking him back but not knocking the smile from his face. If anything, it grew wider. Ruki didn’t do “angry” very well, his creased forehead and the accompanying pout only causing a twitch in Reita’s shorts. Close contact was something that unknowingly, they had both avoided - and now Reita knew the reason why. Him mind whisking him back to the moment on PSC’s sofa and the memory of Ruki’s palm against his erection. It was powerful stuff, lust; powerful enough to cause an even wider smile to creep across his face at the thought. He looked up at the dark haired man above him…who was about to slap him.

“I’m going to knock that smile off your fucking face…”

Reita grabbed the hand before it could connect with his cheek, his fingers wrapping around the others’ wrist. You’d do the same I bet, of course he couldn’t stop himself from pulling the unbalanced Ruki down and kissing him; it was just too perfect a moment to let pass. His would be attacker wrenched himself free and sat bolt upright, (he was still straddling Reita’s legs though).

Something was burning in his eyes, their darkness lit by a spark of something raw. Anger? Passion? Who could say? - Ruki didn’t even know himself at that point, not really. “Don’t fucking kiss me…” Seizing Reita’s arm again he pinned it to the bed, catching some of his hair at the same time. Forcing their lips together once more, his strength focused on that one point of contact, both sets of eyes wide open glaring at each other.

Reita’s turn. He pushed Ruki back up, freeing his captive arm; catching his breath, “Who’d want to kiss you, you moody fucker?” A fistful of dark hair was good leverage to pull the singer back down, this time their kiss was different… not quite as forced, but still just as uncontrolled.

“Fuck… I hate you.” Ruki sat up again to pull his T-shirt over his head, it catching on the chains around his neck and clinking them together. He shook his hair, forgetting for a moment that it wasn’t there any more.

“No…” Two sets of hands fumbled with Reita’s own shirt, both forgetting that he still had a baseball cap half on, half off his head. This in turn got caught in the shirt’s neckline when they both pulled it off, and it took a moment for Reita to sort himself out and regain his much loved cool. “I hate you! Ahhhh…FUCK!” Ruki shifted back a little, bent forward and bit - not kissed or sucked - but bit Reita's chest.

“You son of a bitch…” Revenge came in the form of Reita pinching an overly pierced ear and pulling him sideways, knowing damn well that it would hurt like hell.

“Oowww!! Let me go you piece of shit!” Ruki rolled off him, rubbing his ear to check that Reita hadn’t pulled it off or anything similarly bad. No, all still there. And there they lay for what seemed like the longest time, both naked from the waist up save a few pieces of jewellery and the heady scent of aftershave. Ruki looked down at his own abdomen and watched it’s rising and falling, his eye drawn to what he could of course feel in his shorts. He was aroused, incredibly so. He propped himself up his elbow and looked at the man lying next to him.

“What are we doing, Aki? This… it’s just stupid. Pointless, you said it yourself - we can’t make it work.” Ruki rolled over onto his side, stretching his right arm above his head to lie on. His left hand aching, just fucking needing to reach out and touch Reita’s side. Each one of his ribs marking their presence under smooth skin, he could lay here and look at semi-naked Reitas all day and not get bored. His hand did reach out, but stopped short of the other’s body. Instead, it fell onto the bed between them, the awkwardness of the gesture a stark reminder that once again, they had indeed kissed and felt all the queer stirrings that came with it.

Reita looked at the hand between them; he looked at the mesmerizing brown eyes swimming behind their clear contact lenses in front of him; he looked at the line which Ruki’s collar bone made and the smooth skin at his throat - pulse faintly nudging against it's vein. Shifting himself to nearly mirror the other’s position, Reita propped himself up on one arm. What IS it about him?

“You can be such a stubborn fuck sometimes. You didn’t read it, did you?”

“Read what? Your “We’re not having our Family fucking each other, do it and you’re fired” bollocks? No. I didn’t read it. Fuck do they piss me off sometimes…”

“No kidding,” trying to get more comfortable Reita bent his top leg a little, his knee creeping forward and just touching Ruki’s thigh. “If you’d have bothered to read rather than having your little tantrum you’d have seen that we don’t have to make it work, PSC are going to do that for us…” With every few words, he scooted a little closer to Ruki, nudging his knee slowly between the other’s legs and now came to a rest with his thigh firmly lodged against Ruki’s crotch. He picked up Ruki’s arm and raised the hand to his face, a fleeting kiss grazing knuckles before the hand was dropping to the bed once more and still Reita shifted closer, and when he felt the fine hairs on Ruki’s back prickle and stand to attention as a result of his own arm making it’s way around in the slightest of embraces - he knew it would be alright.

He ran that hand from the nape of Ruki’s neck all the way down to the top of his jeans; so so slowly, wanting to see his skin react and enjoying the growing pressure against his thigh. The dark head bent towards him, hair tickling where it touched - he smelt of vanilla fudge, the sickly sweet scent made him even more irresistible and good enough to eat.

Ruki's nail polish was past it’s best, chipped around the edges and dull but that didn’t matter now. His fingers the foreground to a much more interesting picture, their canvas a flat and toned abdomen - more than he could ever hope to have. Reita was testosterone incarnate, from the curve of his bicep to the buckle of his belt. “ROCK” He was passion personified attached to a bass guitar, often bent double and consumed by the music. And now? Now, those ingredients that were essential for making him him had come together and were pulling him close, lifting his chin and kissing him.

Their tongues touched, teasingly rubbing together and Ruki felt his heart lurch and claw against his ribs, dragging his stomach with it as adrenaline coursed through his body and pooled into a dull ache somewhere between his legs. Perhaps Reita felt it, perhaps he had powers of divination because he sucked lightly on Ruki’s bottom lip and then drew away scooting around so his head was level with Ruki’s knees and began to pull on his belt, slipping the leather through the buckle, one… notch… at… a… time…

“I’ve never done this before…” he murmured, possibly excusing himself for the fuck up he was sure was about to be committed; the worst blowjob of Ruki’s life, no doubt. But for Ruki himself, well there was nothing sweeter than those long slender fingers dancing with the buttons on his jeans, that was fucking erotic, right there. Reita pulled the last one free and glanced up at the other, whose lips were still slightly parted. In shock? Perhaps, but the expression would be eternally called “sexy and mysterious” by practically every damn photographer’s assistant from that moment on and constantly be requested of him to keep the fans happy.

His voice cracked, wavering over the words… Please don’t agree… “You don’t… you don’t have to do this...” Ruki lifted his hips and lost his trousers, Reita pulling them down past his knees. He shook his head slightly, Ruki’s legs were smooth and completely hair free; for all his anti-PSC behaviour, it seemed he still followed some of the rules.

He ran his hand over creamy skin and then warm cotton moving from near femininity to full on masculinity in the space of a few seconds. “You’re such a rebel.”

“What can I say? I like being slinky.” Ruki’s eyes were trained on those fingers that had just brushed against his aching erection. Whatever Reita was going to do, he’d better do it damn soon because he didn’t think he could hold back for much longer. This was the thing that he thought could never and would never happen. But here they were, and so it began.

Something told Reita to look away as he pulled Ruki’s shorts down, he didn’t know why and couldn’t properly explain it. He wanted to do this, wanted more than anything to make his friend curse and moan under his touch but he just didn’t believe he was ready to look at Ruki’s naked body… not just yet. He thought back to blowjobs that he had received in the past and what had felt good; no, not just good - what had felt amazing? He wanted Ruki to remember this for all time (obviously, he would - you don’t receive oral sex from your best friend every day now do you?) so memorable it had to be.

Reita hadn’t even touched him, not properly, just the feel of his breath and the anticipation of what it looked like he was about to do was enough to curl the sheets in Ruki’s fingers. And then, then it happened and he had to hold onto those sheets to stop himself from falling. Eyes closed tightly, not daring to look knowing just what he would see and that when he did see it he’d lose control and it would be over. He needed something to occupy his mind a little - naturally it was staring him right in the face!

Concentrating hard on what he was doing, enjoying the low moans and the noticeable jumping nerve in Ruki’s leg especially when he rubbed his finger against his perineum… because of all that he didn’t notice what Ruki was actually doing until he felt something rub against his own cock. It was almost slow motion for him - his jeans pulled down and long discarded (he hadn’t even noticed - damn Matsumoto was good) Reita looked up just in time to see that naughty tongue gliding around in ever decreasing circles and then, as if he’d done it every day of his life, his lips parted and Reita just knew that he could die happy.

There was nothing to say, no words could describe the thoughts and feelings racing through Reita’s mind. On one hand, it still didn’t seem right… he shouldn’t have these feelings for another man, especially not his best friend for fucks sake. But on the other hand, those lips that he’d so often watched suck on a straw or slurp up noodles, they were just meant to be working their magics on him, no two ways about it. It was like a surreal masturbation, receiving the feelings he hoped he was giving… He would make the singer cry his name… and then it would be fucking perfection.

Trying his hardest to not move from the waist down, because that was just too fucking nice to give up, Reita took stock of the situation. Dammit, I’m going to have to move to do this.

#1 Get his attention - “Ruki…" Why did I call him “Ruki”? Ruki looked back down at him and smiled, a provocative smirk that was nothing short of addictive.

“Yes, Reita?” He continued rubbing with his thumb, and it was making it rather hard for Reita to engage:

#2 Move

He pushed Ruki over onto his back and quickly clambered over him before his nerve went completely. I could fuck him in this position… Yes, that's right Reita, you could. Nestled there between his legs, you could just push those knees apart a little way and lift one leg up slightly and… and… you want him so badly don’t you? But you’re not going to fuck him, are you. No, not yet.

Any thoughts of modesty left well behind, naked except for his socks and his wristbands, Reita did push one knee up and shooting a quick glance at the semi-closed eyes that watched him he licked two fingers. Time to play dirty…

Ruki’s eyes didn’t stay closed for long. He grasped desperately for something to dull the pleasure, Please! Never let it end!!! Sheets, discarded clothes, a handful of Reita’s hair… the blonde head still nodding in approval over his crotch accounted for one hand and his mouth, but it could only be two fingers that had nudged their way inside of him and were pressing anxiously against his prostate…

Ruki felt the heat begin to build around him, an ever changing glow that curled his toes and tensed his neck. He couldn’t help but cry out, forcing strangled gasps out with “Aki……… fuck…………me….…” Because, dear readers, hand, mouth, tongue and the fingers fucking him proved to be a very potent combination. For a moment of tensing, arching his back against thin air, pulse just screaming through his ears and it was over and slipped he did, down into that wonderful spiral of fuck that was good.

Reita surveyed his handiwork and the general mess he had made. He knew the signs, and there was NO WAY he was letting Ruki cum in his mouth. Never. He hadn’t removed his fingers though and found it immensely satisfying to watch and feel the spasms that tore through the other’s body. Of course, he too was achingly close to release but didn’t know how to go about seeing to that problem. He didn’t count on Ruki though…

The singer, still dazed and somewhat confused from what had just happened to him managed to focus his eyes on one thing… Reita. And for the second time that day, he mustered up his power and pounced on the bassist. Holding him close, pressing their hot naked bodies together, he kissed him hard and grabbed his cock, not caring that his own stomach was speckled with the sticky white remains of his own overwhelming orgasm. He couldn’t stop - Reita's neck warm and glistening with sweat, his fingers digging into Ruki’s shoulder blades, his body tensing, releasing… The words coming in spurts too…

“I love you… I love you… so much… you fucking… idiot…”

Ruki collapsed next to him, finally able to relax. Their strange relationship consummated and now just starting out on the rocky road to facing Kai. He pulled at the sheets that had become screwed up in a heap at the end of the bed, covering themselves enough for comfort - it was late in the day and the autumn air through the open window had turned cooler - and flopped face down on the mattress, one arm stretched out behind him strewn across Reita’s stomach.

“I’m home!” Hoshi struggled with the food bags into the kitchen, noted the three used glasses and two plates in the sink and called out to the “guest” once more. “Takanori! Are you here?”

The voice that greeted her was not unfamiliar, it was just unexpected.

“Hello, Hoshi. Long time no see?” Reita leant in the doorway behind her, munching on an apple.

“Suzuki! How…? What…?”

“Hey Hoshi, what’s in the bag?” Ruki appeared from behind him and began to pull the contents out of the shopping bags, “I’m starved…”

“Taka? Can I have a word?” She pulled him by the arm into the corner of the room. Reita had to smile because of course, he could still hear every single word of their conversation.

“Is he causing trouble?”

“No.”

“Are you two talking again?”

“Not so much talking as…”

He didn’t need to finish the sentence to make his sister-in-law blush a deep crimson and then giggle, “Oh, I see!”

Business as Usual 10

Sun, 25 Nov 2007 19:27:25 GMT

Chapter 10

“So, what do you think?” Hoshi stood behind her brother-in-law, fingers rubbing his wet hair with a black towel, speaking not directly to the man under the robe but to his reflection in the mirror, their before hours appointment drawing quickly to an end. Allowing the towel to fall from his head, she surveyed her handiwork. It hadn’t been easy to sort his hair out and had taken all her imagination and skill from many years as a hairdresser to shape it into something reasonable. “Wow… you really look like Kaz…”

“It’s black. And short…” Ruki’s fingers toyed with the wet black strands that stood straight up from his head. His hair hadn’t been this short in a long time; well one side of it at any rate. The left stayed longer, just skimming the bottom of his ear and the back on that side was at his collar. But on the right, where he’d chopped off the most blonde, it was above his ear and short all the way back too. Hoshi had tried to blend the massacre into a more “structured” crop but it still looked very messy.

“The bleach had killed it completely… at least it looks somewhere near healthy now.” She rubbed him some more with the fluffy towel until she was satisfied that his hair was dry enough to be finished off with the dryer. “And I can’t remember the last time I saw you with black hair, you look cute Taka-chan. Even with a black eye!”

Ruki’s good eye narrowed a little, “I don’t know about cute,, but you’re right - my hair hasn’t been black for a very long time.” He watched her rub a little gel between her fingers - it smelled of raspberries - and run them through the shorter sections on top and at the side. “I give it six months max. They like their Ruki blonde.”

“Well they’re stupid then.” She didn’t really have a more constructive reply for him than that, considering when she had been training, Ruki had more than willingly been her test subject and model on many occasions. “Right, let’s get this dried off then I’ve got a customer at half past. Are you okay walking home?”

He nodded. She wouldn’t have heard him over the sound of the drier anyway. A little more product later, this one a wax smelling of fudge and he was finished. His hair lopsided but spiky around his crown and over his ear. Surprisingly, Ruki found that he liked this short dark haired reflection and, in respect to Hoshi’s hard work didn’t pull his cap on over the top of it all. Standing and handing the robe back to her he faced himself in the full length mirror by the door.

“I'm a fucking idiot, aren't I? Thinking that he’d want me… and chopping my hair off to spite myself.”

"You're not an idiot.” Hoshi threw the damp die stained towel into the hamper and fetched his jacket. “He is. And the sooner he realises the better. Now get out of here and go do whatever it is you plan on doing all day.”

“I have to call PSC again. I’m surprised they didn’t trace my call from earlier and send a search party out to get me.” He pulled the little white mp3 player from his pocket and scrolled through some tracks looking for appropriate “walking” music.

She looked surprised at this, “You mean you didn’t tell them where you were?”

“Well, yeah of course I did but… oh never mind. Thanks for this, Hoshi. See you later?”

She nodded a goodbye and watched him saunter down the street and out of sight. The likeness to his brother uncanny now that his hair was somewhere back to what it should look like. Of course, Kazuo didn't have a 15mm hole through his ear; that being one of the main differences between the two.

Music turned up as loud as it could go, Ruki wandered the streets in no particular hurry vaguely making his way back to the house. He’d already called PSC that morning, and told them the whole story. Well, not quite the whole story. Just the argument and the “kicking out” and the black eye; he decided there was no point telling them the reasons behind it. He was damn sure that Kai wouldn’t involve that particular snippet of information in his own pack of lies. And they would be lies - Kai was well known as a sneaky little bastard at times - you'd be surprised what a smile can hide!

He didn't know how far he'd walked but at one moment, Ruki found himself looking into his own eyes and those of a whole host of familiar faces. Blinking for a second he realised where he was and why he was looking at PSC‘s great and good; he’d made it as far as Vivre and was standing outside HMV. That would explain nicely the rather large poster advertising the upcoming Peace Smile Carnival tour, December 2005. The Ruki on these pictures and the Ruki on the website and the Ruki who would be promoting NIL soon enough all had blonde hair. They're going to go mad, their wonderful advertising campaign ruined by little old me. He laughed at the thought of what they’d say… tour due to start in a matter of weeks; the months creeping by ever so slowly. At least his poor hair might have some chance of growing a little by then.

This wasn’t quite what he’d had planned for his time between tours and photo books and PV shootings and the such. At least the damn album was recorded, that was a bonus. He sighed, making sure he didn’t study the poster too carefully. There were faces there that he really didn’t want to see just yet, but it was too late. He was caught by those eyes. Well, eye singular.

Reita had posed for this particular photo pointing at the camera, his hand huge in comparison to the rest of him. Pointing directly at Ruki.
You! Said the photo, You who I kissed! You who I wanted! You who I betrayed! You who I could never love….. There it was again, that damn word attaching itself to thoughts of Reita.

“Oh Aki… it’s too fucked up for words. How am I meant to be near you now knowing what I know? Knowing that I want you more than ever?” He had to turn away, walking again now; past the station and the BayStars poster from the night before, making his way back to the dodgy water clock and the tatami.

It had only been three days but just look at the difference in him. Three days ago everything was relatively peaceful; ok his heart tried to come clawing through his ribcage every time he looked at or thought of Reita, but he’d been coping with that just fine. Or so he thought. If he hadn’t touched him in that interview, or come up with the stupid idea of kissing him on stage, or got drunk and probably traumatised some random fan everything would have been OK now. They wouldn’t have faced up to their respective secrets and lies, they wouldn’t have kissed and he wouldn’t have touched his…

That was most certainly not a thought for this time of the morning! The memory of certain aroused part of Reita’s anatomy which he had had the pleasure of feeling through his jeans and how, on doing so, Reita had rocked his hips so seductively against his hand. That memory, that exquisite little moment had, until now been banished to a distant corner of his mind. He’d been too involved with being angry with the man to remember just how much he wanted him. And so he made the rest of the journey in silence, not allowing his mind to remind him any further of sexy bassists with tight arses or toned arms.

Ruki closed the door behind him, crouching down to untie his laces and deposit his boots in the appropriate place. Standing now, his hand found another door handle and the catch to slide it across to one side; he stepped slowly onto those wonderful mats, curling his toes against their intricate surface. He had no reason to be in this room, other than he missed it more than he cared to admit. When this was over, when things were as normal again as they ever would be he would come back more often. He promised this to the tatami and the clock and the flowers.

“You can have until the weekend, we expect you back Monday.”

“I know my behaviour lately has been a little… It’ll get better, I promise.” She listened to the voice on the other end of the telephone and nodded, not that the caller would see that of course.

“Yes, I’m sure it will. I know we haven’t always seen eye to eye on some things, but we always have the best interests of the Company and it’s employees in mind. You may not always agree, and I know you don’t - your file certainly helps prop my door open in the summer time.”

The caller laughed at this, knowing himself to not be one of PSC’s most obedient employees. The knock at the door caused her to look up at the man who opened it and invited himself in. He didn’t sit like so many of the other artists, no neatly crossed legs for him. He lounged on the chair, legs spread as wide as he needed to feel comfortable, elbows on knees and hands held together. He was here of his own doing, himself being the one to call this unexpected meeting. He hadn’t said what it was about but she had a pretty good idea it was Ruki related.

She ended the call. “Monday then. Have a good weekend Ruki.”

“Monday. Until then…”

“Now, Reita. What can I help you with?” She took out a pen and turned to a blank page, ready to make any necessary notes.

Keiyuu had told some interesting things to Reita about some of the more unknown policies and paperwork that existed at PSC Company Ltd purely for the protection of their employees and their respective private lives. Or more correctly, it was PSC’s answer to a growing yet secretive problem among their young, good looking and exclusively male workforce. Quite how or why Keiyuu knew all of this, Reita had decided not to ask.

“Was that Taka… Ruki on the phone? Is he alright? What did he say?” Reita felt he probably should stop himself from leaning over the desk and grabbing the damn phone in the vain hope that he might still be on the line. Ruki hadn’t answered one of his calls, and he’d made many the previous night and that morning; now to know that he was at least alive and due back Monday… Reita’s iron resolve was suddenly crumbling. Overwhelming relief surged through him he hung his head forward, able to relax now he had been liberated from his worry. He’s OK…

“Yes, that was he. He’s fine, Reita. A little shaken up I suppose… He’s told me everything that happened.”

“He did? Oh…” Reita was lost for words, she was taking this very casually. “Where is he Kimura? I need to speak to him…”

“He asked that I not tell anyone, I think he’s a little embarrassed about everything in all honesty.” She stood up and walked around to Reita’s side of the desk, sitting carefully on the corner and crossing her legs.

“Embarrassed? Oh… " FUCK. Great. That’s just fucking marvellous. He’s embarrassed about me. Wonderful, fucking perfect. Good one Suzuki. Reita flopped back in the chair, looking up at the ceiling in despair. His one chance fucked up. It was pointless asking about the papers now… why would he need them?

“Yes. But what was it you wanted to see me about?” She walked across the office to pour herself some tea, offering a cup to Reita which he refused. He was more bothered about kicking the chair over which he had just vacated and attempting to storm out of the office. She stopped in her tracks, tea cup in hand.

“Mr Suzuki! What is wrong with you? I do not tolerate behaviour like that, not from anyone. Tell me now or take your little tantrum elsewhere.” She was thin-lipped and ready to take no shit from over acting bassists; she’d seen it all before and then some. Reita’s temper was quite at home in this office - it seemed to surface far too often, especially over certain facial adornments. “Just tell me. I can’t help if you don’t talk to me.”

Reita regained his cool and straightened the chair, sitting back down but holding his head in his hands. “I’ve fucked up, Kimura. Big time.” A pause. Just a little silence for a second or two while he thought things over once more. “He told you why he left…?”

“Yes… but you‘re not at fault here. It was just a misunderstanding, that‘s all.”

“A misunderstanding. Is that what he said? He must really hate me. Fuck it!” He made to kick the table but thought better of it. He wasn’t really speaking to her, more to himself in truth. Vocalisations of thoughts that probably shouldn’t have been shared with their management. Things that Reita could do nothing about… not now. “Why did Yutaka have to catch us together? I should never have kissed him back. All of this shit could have been avoided if I’d just kept control.”

“Kissed? Oh no, not you too… What is it with you guys? What’s wrong with girls these days?” She sighed, tipping the little tea cup back and drinking the remainder of the pale golden liquid. Retaking her place behind the desk, she watched the man on the other side for a moment. Of all the Family, she would never have thought Ruki and Reita, never. They were so, well… so un-gay.

Realisation hit Reita like a brick wall and he wasn‘t sure if he‘d made an unimaginable mistake with what he‘d just said. “He didn’t tell you at all, did he?” He peered at her through his fingers, funnily enough wishing he had the hated nose wrap there to hide behind. But he didn’t and would have to make do with his fingers for now.

“All he said was that he and Kai had argued, he’d damaged Kai’s car door and Kai had punched him. Not surprisingly, Mr Uke didn’t tell me about the last part, and I‘m quite annoyed that he lied to me really."

Reita’s expression, she noted, hadn’t changed in the slightest - he was still staring at her through his fingers, though they were slowly retreating until his face could be seen. She could have sworn he looked like he was about to either burst into tears or break the table in half. It could have equally been either emotion. Her tone softened some, and he blinked in surprise more than anything when she said his name. His real name. “Akira, he said he didn’t want to come back because he was embarrassed at losing his temper… and that apparently he has a rather bruised face. Not because of you…”

Slowly, and with careful thought behind the words, for he didn‘t want to say this wrong, Reita pieced together the events of that night for her. Briefly, “Yutaka saw us together, we were just kissing - nothing more… He saw us and lost it. It was too much, too soon and I didn’t know what to do. I wanted to stand up to him Kimura, but I didn’t… I let him smack Taka and he spat in his face… He said he wouldn’t tolerate homosexual behaviour in Gazette…” his voice trailed off into nothing as he relived the events of before.

Her eyes narrowed. Sometimes, just sometimes they made poor choices at PSC. And it seemed that delegating the responsibility of “leader” onto Kai had gone to his power hungry head somewhat. That kind of decision was not his to make.

“You may not think it sometimes, but we’re quite open minded about certain things. Our bands and their members are our reputation. We invest countless hours in each of you, provide you with all the resources you need to make great music; and you do, each and every one of you. It’s not just a saying, Reita, we are family and we do care. But work and personal lives have to be kept separate. I can‘t emphasise that enough.” She turned to the filing cabinet behind her and opened the bottom drawer, pulling out a sheaf of papers which were laid in front of Reita on the table.

“Take this, look it over and sign it if you feel comfortable with what it says. We can’t have our reputation tarnished, not for any of you. This is legally binding and there are severe penalties if you breach it’s stipulations.” She pushed the papers across the desk, her hand resting on top of them long enough to add, “Just… no more kissing on stage? Even I could tell that wasn’t for the fans.”

Reita took the sheaf of papers that was passed to him and sure enough, on the top in bold print, just as Keiyuu had said:

Standard Disclaimer of Affiliation, Fiduciary Responsibilities and Confidentiality. Version 7 - Revised May 2005.

“Version seven?”

“We keep having to re-write it.” She turned again but this time to a different cabinet, pulling out a huge file at least six inches thick. It hit the desk with a resounding thud, making the pens jump in their container. “Miyavi. This is from 2005 alone. Just… don’t ask.” She pushed the monster to one side and returned her focus on Reita and the papers clasped in his hand. “It needs to be signed by all five of you and I know Aoi will definitely sign it, Uruha too probably.”

“What about Kai?”

“Leave him to me. Somehow, I don’t think he’ll refuse. His unblemished record could suffer if he causes trouble.” She walked around the desk and knelt down in front of Reita’s chair. For one so usually cold and distant, she was being remarkably nice. “As long as you’re both sure it’s what you want, PSC do not have any issues. After all, you can‘t chose who you fall in love with, can you? He’s at his parents house, go and get him.”

“I never said I was in love with him.”

“You didn’t have to.”

Ruki was sitting on the step at the front of his family home, absent-mindedly smoking a cigarette. He’d been given the next couple of days to sort himself out, but it was back to work Monday. The bruise around his eye hadn’t gone down much, the cut still bloody yet scabbed over. Kai was an arsehole, there was nothing he could do about that. But still, he had little to no idea what was going to happen on his return, what the reception would be from the others. What would they be like with him? Would Kai have told Uruha or Aoi the truth?

He breathed the smoke in deeply, the exhale curling it up through his short fringe that barely skimmed his eyebrows. And what of Reita? What would happen with the bassist, his friend and nearly… well nearly what? Lover? Hardly - it was a kiss, nothing more and the sooner he forgot all about it the better; for everyone’s sakes. Problem was, he didn’t want to forget about it. He wanted to relive every last second of that kiss over and over again and feel the way he’d felt on that sofa right up until the moment Kai had walked in…

Ruki closed his eyes, the darkness helping him to lock away those thoughts and bury them deep in the back of his mind. Thoughts of what nearly could have been - they were useless to him now, sitting alone looking for reasons to explain Reita’s behaviour. Pointless.

He was roused by the sound of a vehicle pulling up to the curb and looked up to see what was happening. Ruki immediately recognised the silver paintwork, fine black lines snaking across the driver’s door and across the flat bed at the back. There was only one truck like that and he knew just who would be driving it. Defiantly, he puffed on his cigarette some more. No point in keeping up the pretence now.

Reita, like Ruki a day or so before, had not been in Yokohama in a very long time. He’d struggled to remember where the turnings and the roads were that would take him through the city to the sleepy suburb where the Matsumoto house was located. But, after a few errors he’d remembered and found himself pulling into a familiar street.

A couple of houses down, he could see someone sitting and smoking. A dark haired someone so not who he was looking for. He crept the truck forward, counting past house by house, one eye still taken with the crouched figure at the end building. Reita couldn’t pinpoint what it was that seemed so familiar with him; just the way he held his head to one side, how his arms rested on his knees, his slender fingers cradling the cigarette like it was a million dollars. The figure looked up at him as he drew up to the kerb, those eyes were unmistakeable. It was Ruki.

Reita switched off the engine and just sat there for a moment looking at the smoker on the step. The left side of his face was still bruised, an angry gash just above his eyebrow and the majority of the bruise blossoming around his cheekbone. Kai sure had a wide fist. But the major change had to be his hair, from the bright blonde of the All Stars live to this shorter dark version. He’d certainly done a number on himself, Reita could tell that it wasn’t intentionally that short on the one side… Ruki continued to watch him through the glass of the truck’s window, then he stubbed the cigarette out on the ground and stood up, about to turn and go back into the house.

There was no way Reita was going to let the singer escape from him for a second time. Jumping from his truck he slammed the door shut; the bang loud enough to turn Ruki around and face him.

“Can’t you have a bit of fucking respect for my parent’s neighbourhood? Fucking hell Suzuki, you just don’t think, do you?” However, his hand faltered at the door. He didn’t know why Reita was here and he hadn’t given him any chance to explain himself. It was more than a little hypocritical to brand Reita as “inconsiderate”. “What did you want anyway? Have you come to embarrass me again? Like before wasn’t enough…” No, it was no use. He couldn’t be civil to Reita. A normal conversation wasn’t going to be possible, but how could it be? All he could think of was “I can’t Taka…”

Ruki pushed the door open, not expecting the restraining hand on his shoulder. Fingers pulling him back and pushing him around; his back found the wooden door with a thud. He glared at the face in front of him, the dark eyes that looked at him from under their owner’s cap. The betrayer of feelings himself, come to weasel his way out of any blame for what had happened, no doubt about it.

“Look, whatever it is you’ve come to say, can you just say it and go? I’m not in the mood for talking… especially not with you.” He nudged his shoulder free, feeling behind him for the handle. Reitas would not be invited in, they were not welcome in this place.

“I didn’t come to talk. I came to apologize.” Reita, the initial shock from seeing a dark haired smoking Ruki having passed, was determined to get this Ru-Rei thing sorted out. He didn’t have endless plan B’s to call upon, just plan A.

“Well, surely if you’re going to apologize you’ve got to have to spea…”

Ruki couldn’t finish his somewhat acerbic comment. He found himself being forcefully pushed against his parent’s front door, Reita’s mouth on his own effectively silencing him with a kiss that was nothing more than lust; plain and simple. It wasn’t tender or loving and it wasn’t soft or gentle like their last time had been. For every moment of hesitation that Ruki had showed, uncertainty which had kept him from touching the bassist, Reita himself showed none. He didn’t wait to see if the kiss would be returned, he didn’t give Ruki the choices that he had been given. He just took what was there to be taken.

Held together by the tight grip of pure need, Ruki fumbling with the door - they stumbled back into the cool silence of the house. The definite click shutting them off from the rest of the world.

Business as Usual 9

Sun, 25 Nov 2007 19:26:37 GMT

Chapter 9

Kai closed the office door behind him. That hadn’t been a very pleasant experience at all. She hadn’t looked as if she believed a word of the dirty great lie he’d told about Ruki, about how they’d had a huge argument over the release schedule that had escalated into Ruki leaving in a totally irrational manner. Kai, of course, had begged him to reconsider but the singer was too stubborn; he didn’t care about Gazette or NIL - he only cared about himself.

Making the short journey along a plain corridor, he was met by two more disbelieving faces on arriving in Gazette’s inner chambers. Neither Aoi or Uruha were really buying his lies; Aoi’s equally perfect PSC brows converged, he was confused.

“I can’t believe that he would just walk out. What was so terrible about the schedule that made him quit the fucking band?”

“Yeah,” Uruha crossed his arms over his chest, “I have to agree with him… Surely there’s something more than just musical differences. I mean, everything seemed fine up until now, he never said anything to me…” And if there had been a problem, Ruki probably would have told Uruha; the guitarist being a good listening ear for band troubles. Kai the leader, Aoi the joker, Uruha the listener; their roles quite distinct and defined.

The joker prince had nothing to smile about today though, the extra years he had on the others told him to not believe the drummer. He watched him getting a drink from the machine, he seemed a little too calm about the situation for Aoi’s liking. Way too calm infact.

“So,” (He would push the drummer a little to see just how deep his apparent front of nonchalance ran; maybe a little scuff of the surface would provide some more insight into what had really happened between The RukI and The GazettE). “What do we do now Yutaka? Now that our singer has left?”

“He didn’t fucking leave. This lying bastard kicked him out.” Reita appeared from the hallway, hands in his pockets. He was wearing a sleeveless black T-shirt, and it was plain to all who cared to look that residing in his pockets, there must have been fists - the prominent veins that ran one each along his biceps a dead giveaway. Eyes trained on a point somewhere just behind Kai’s head - possibly where he was visualising aiming his fist for - he was pleased that he’d joined the impromptu band meeting at a relevant point. Kai, it would appear, had been wagging his lying tongue for the benefit of Aoi and Uruha but in all honesty, they didn’t look convinced.

Reita had had a bad night. The parting gift which Ruki had so kindly left for him had done nothing to ease him into restful sleep. Are you proud? The note had been accompanied by tufts of blonde hair… the same blonde hair he’d curled his fingers through a matter of hours before. Reita didn’t want to think what Ruki might have done to himself, cutting some hair off was one thing but what else might he have accomplished in his time alone.

Time. It was a commodity that the bassist had wasted. The hours that had turned into a day - a day when he could have been looking for Ruki, ringing around his friends, their contacts - someone must know where he was; all the days when he’d thought of Ruki, nothing but Ruki and being with him now gone. Days made up of hours made up of minutes made up of seconds and it was one second that could have made the difference. He should have stood up to Kai, not been so fucking worried about his “image” and more importantly, he most definitely should have said YES to Ruki… not wimping out with “I can’t”… Ugh, fucking tosser.

But that was the day before. He’d had time to think these things through and now he was most definitely decided on sorting this “thing” out once and for all. Reita wanted to be with Ruki so unfortunately, Kai would just have to live with it. But after all that had happened, would Ruki still want him? He had kind of dug his knife in and twisted it a little, hadn’t he?

“You did what?” Aoi got to his feet, the twitches that were not unlike anger slowly making their way from somewhere deep in his gut, progressing down his arms to his fingers which in turn reached out for Kai. “Hold me back Kouyou… I might just kill him.” The restraining hand which Uruha offered about his arm wasn’t all that restraining. He stood also. They took a step towards Kai.

“Why the fuck would you make him leave? What did he ever do that was so fucking terrible?”

The two became three as Reita closed rank against Uruha’s shoulder, and he gave both Uruha and Aoi the answer they longed to hear.

“I’ll tell you why he kicked him out… Because he caught him with someone… In there… In the practice room…” Reita unchecked one fist from his pocket. He was more than ready to land one on Kai. He might even kick him in the balls, just for the hell of it.

“Don’t tell me he brought a girl back here? It wasn’t another fucking fan was it? Please tell me it wasn’t…” Aoi’s fists clenched that little bit tighter, Ruki - if that’s what he’d done - could be a fucking idiot at times. And Kai, however much he cared for the band’s reputation, could equally be a fucking idiot too.

Kai looked at the advancing line of guitarists, their ringleader glaring at him from one uncovered eye; the covered one more than likely glaring too. A sly smile accompanied the glaring eyes, Reita didn’t look too friendly at that precise moment. In the back of his mind, surely Kai must have known why Reita was behaving in this manner. He’d probably known at the interview and ignored it; at the gig and covered it up with anger and last night - yeah, he knew Reita was a more than willing participant. But now, what was this? Mutiny! The guitarists are ganging up!! He wanted nothing more than to wipe that smile right from Reita’s lips, he most certainly was not going to lose face against the bassist.

“No.. you’re right, it wasn’t a girl… It was him!” HA! The Kai triumphs! Are you embarrassed now Reita, that you got cornered by your gay friend?? And now everyone knows!!! What a man you are...

“What?” Uruha turned to the man at his side, this was all getting very confusing. Fanservice during a live was one thing, but after hours intimacy was a whole new ball game. “He was kissing you? Whatever the fuck for?”

And so, Reita found himself at the point of no return. It was decision time, did he tell them the truth? Did he tell them that the reason why Ruki was kissing Reita was because Reita was practically begging for it? Or did he make up some bullshit and fob them off with another raft of lies? He thought back to the hurt in Ruki’s eyes when he’d lied previously, and decided that it was about time he owned up about a few things. After all, as Ruki had said “there’s no going back now”, and it was indeed true; if only Ruki himself was there to hear it all transpire… this was going to be interesting.

“Yeah, Akira. Why was he kissing you? You never really gave me a straight answer last night?” Hands on hips, Kai was pleased that this seemed to have turned around slightly. The seed of curiosity and possibly a vehement disapproval of their behaviour had been planted in the other two’s minds. No one wanted to see their friends together like that, did they? Touching, kissing, stroking bare skin… no no no, wrongness.

“Because… I let him… And you know something else?” He took a step forward towards Kai, the look on the drummer’s face a priceless reminder that he was doing the right thing. The following comment hissed from his lips and left Kai speechless. (For this was not what he’d had in mind for Gazette, not at all).
“I fucking loved it, and if you hadn‘t walked in when you did…” Knowing it was piss Kai off immensely, he made as if to kiss the drummer, pulling him forward gently by the chin, supremely enjoying the pure hatred that was bubbling in his eyes. “I would have let him fuck me there on the sofa.”

Keiyuu was doing laps of the building. He was on a bet and didn’t intend on losing out to the psychotic coloured haired guitarist who had set it. The bet was a simple one. They both had a pedometer and a target. Whoever clocks up the most steps between now and the Carnival wins; simple right? Oh, and the loser has to perform a forfeit of the other’s discretion. And basically, Keiyuu didn’t trust Miyavi as far as he could throw him (not that he could even pick him up, let alone throw him). There was no telling what the King of PSC would think up for him to do, the only certainty was that it would either be embarrassing, stupid or both. And that was why he was doing laps in every spare moment.

On this lap however, he heard raised voices. Jogging backwards and then on the spot, he peeked around the corner of the door to see what the “Anarchy Rock and Roll Fuckers” were shouting about. And what a sight indeed.

Reita struggled against Uruha’s vice like grip that held him away from Kai; who in turn was restrained by the other guitarist. Keiyuu caught the end of the conversation, his jogging slowing to a march and then to nothing at all as he stood and listened at the door.

“It’s not going to happen! I’m not fucking having it! Not in this band…”

“Too fucking late! It’s already happened… And nothing, especially not you will keep me from him.”

“Aki - you’re not serious?? He’s a guy! You can’t like him in that way… you’re not…”

“Gay?!” He answered Aoi’s question but not directly to him; Reita’s eyes burnt wildly and he stared straight at Kai… The spark deep within them finding it’s feet and coming alive to dance with mirth and energy, matching both his tousled hair and stretched shirt. “If that means I get to touch him and kiss him and be with him any time I want… then yes, gay it is.”

Kai’s expression of - what? Disgust? Anger? Both? Or something else, perhaps? It just spurred him on though; Oh Kai Kai Kai… how you’re hating this. “Boys,” Reita untangled himself from Uruha’s hold and picked up his cap that had been knocked off in the scuffle. “I‘m sick of lying to you all; I‘m sick of lying to myself and I‘m sick of lying to him… Nothing… no one’s going to stop us from being together - Taka wants it just as much as me… well he did until this twat caught us together and threw his toys out of his pram!”

Ooooo… gossip… Keiyuu grinned and let himself in through the open door. “Gaaaay? Who’s gay? Do I smell a PSC scandal?”

Kai turned to the newcomer, “Fuck off you genki little prat… this is none of your damn business.”

“Let me guess…” Keiyuu was silent for a moment, ignoring Kai and running through what he had heard and tying it up with past events of which he knew about and those which were only Smoke Room rumour. Finally, placing everything in the correct order, evaluating the scene of crime and making his decision he said, “He’s fucking - or wants to fuck Ruki, am I right? Ok, and you,” this part of the diagnosis aimed at Kai and Kai alone, “You’re not happy with this are you. You probably think it’ll ruin the band or cause too much trouble… and you two,” turning this time to the two guitarists, Aoi who had lit a cigarette and Uruha who had reclaimed his previous seat. “You probably don’t care all that much, as long as it doesn’t fuck things up for Gazette. And all three of you… I bet secretly you’re a little curious… I mean, Ruki and Reita? Who wouldn’t want to see that?” Keiyuu finished his “who-dunnit” with a low whistle of appreciation for his closing question. Who indeed…

The first part was quite close to the truth, yeah Kai was worried that it would cause problems - hell, it already was causing problems. But the second part, he just didn’t agree with that. It’s meant to be men and women, not men and more men; that’s just not right! He doubted that he could ever be comfortable if they were together, knowing that the second his back was turned they could be whispering all the dirty and sordid little things that they were going to do to each other in bed at night…

“It’s not going to happen, I tell you! We can’t fucking function as a fully committed band if they’re… they’re having sex or whatever it is they do!”

“For fucks sake Yutaka! Why does it matter who I fucking sleep with? I’ll still fucking play and he’ll still sing… we’ll just be happier. What do you two think, Shiro? Kouyou?”

Aoi shrugged, “It doesn’t bother me… you can’t help who you fall for I guess.” No one paid much attention to his wistful gaze that fell on Uruha, after all, it was his turn for an opinion. Aoi’s hushed sigh was lost in the other guitarists’ reply.

“I don’t know really… I mean, it’s not normal or anything… but then again, when has Takanori ever been normal?” He folded his arms as usual, “As long as you’re both happy I guess it’s fine with me… it’s not like it’s anything the fans don’t suspect anyways.”

“Any if the worst comes to the worst…” Reita, looking for the final shot here, “We’ve changed drummers once before… there’s nothing to say we can’t change again.”

Keiyuu, swooping in at just the right moment, somehow pulled Reita out of the way in time to save him from a bullseye hit via Kai’s fist. Grabbing the blonde by the wrist he dragged him through the doorway. “Just borrowing your bassist for a moment…” his words floating down the corridor as he pulled Reita along behind him; Keiyuu had his step count to think of!

“Where are we going?”

“Kra-land. There’s nobody about - it’ll be lovely and quiet.”

Kra-land. He was of course referring to the next-but-one set of rooms that were home to the members of this other arm of PSC. The corridor took them around a corner and up a small flight of stairs to pass by the Smoke Room. The figure lying face down on a sofa there didn’t look up, merely shouting at Keiyuu as they hurried past.

“Run run as fast as you can…”

“What have you bet against him for?” Reita, still being pulled by the wrist on this mad chase along the halls of power.

“Miyavi? I don’t rightly remember… but if I lose I’m going to regret the Carnival tour final - that’s when the winner calls in their forfeit.” Keiyuu came to an abrupt halt outside their door and quickly glanced down at his pedometer, checking the step count. “I hope I don’t lose… you know what he’s like… Right. Get in there and sit your arse down. I have some things you need to know if you don’t already.” Keiyuu’s hand found a spot between Reita’s shoulder blades and pushed him through their door way.

Business as Usual 8

Sun, 25 Nov 2007 19:25:50 GMT

Chapter 8

These were the streets he hadn’t walked along in three years, but they were still familiar to him; it could have been three days rather than years since he’d haunted these avenues. He could have taken a taxi, or a bus, instead he chose to go on foot, retracing the very steps he’d taken all those years before but now in reverse. Ruki didn’t know what sort of reception he would get, he didn’t speak to them on the phone as much as he should; he never seemed to have the time, something always got in the way.

The last corner was turned, the last house on the street in front of him. This was probably going to be harder than any of the shit he’d put himself through in the last few days. Harder and ultimately more painful. Perhaps.

He knocked. Yeah, it was late. They were probably in bed already, best not wake anyone. He was about to turn away and find somewhere more along the lines of a hotel to stop in when the door was unlatched from inside. A face peered round the corner of the door, brown eyes and long black hair. Not that that was anything unusual though. This was his family home, and the woman in the doorway was Hoshi, his brother’s wife.

She opened the door a little way further, not quite sure of who the suspicious character lurking on their front step was, especially as it was so late at night.

“Hoshi… long time no see…” A sheepish smile twitched at the corners of his lips and after the briefest of bows, he tipped his BayStars cap back a little.

“Takanori? Is that you?”

Another voice came from somewhere inside and the mutterings grew increasingly louder as footsteps came towards the door. Which, Ruki noted, still hadn’t been thrown open in welcome for the returning son; that was not a good sign.

“Hoshi? Who is it?” Ruki’s slightly older yet near double pulled the door open. “Fucking hell! It’s you! Come here you piece of shit…” Not caring for social etiquette he pulled his younger brother into a tight hug, forcing the air out of Ruki’s lungs. Kazuo then released the younger one, suddenly remembering something.

“Are you still… you know…?” He took half a step back, eyeing his brother in psuedo suspicion, not sure now if hugging him had really been the right thing to do. He didn’t want to, well, cause any trouble…

“Yeah… I am.” Thankfully, the night combined with the peak of his cap did a very good job at hiding the colour that crept over his cheeks. “But it’s not contagious…” Poor Ruki, it had been just as hard telling his family his carefully concealed secret as it had been to admit it to the object of his affections. Who was an asshole. Don’t forget that.

“Kazuo… Leave him alone!” She took Ruki’s bag off his back and stood aside for him to finally get into the house. “I’m mad as hell at you though…” She pulled his cap off as he passed, releasing the badly cropped mess of a haircut that Ruki had bestowed upon himself. “What did they do to your hair?”

Ruki grabbed his hat back from her and pulled it firmly onto his head. He would handle the inquisition in the morning. Now, all he was ready for was sleep. Leaving shoes in the hallway and stepping up into the house for real, he smiled at all the familiar noises and smells of home. The water clock that didn’t quite work accurately dripped slowly in the corner, the tinkling of chimes floated through from the kitchen and it wall all topped off with the delicious smell of flowers. There was tatami here too. He had quite forgotten about tatami, the world of PSC being laminated floors and tile, his apartment too distinctly lacking the traditional mats.

“You look taller…” Kazuo followed him into the smaller room that they had always used for day to day stuff. The tatami staying quietly behind a closed door for now.

“Do I? Really?” Ruki fell down against the sofa, not sitting or lying, just on it. Sprawled. Existing in harmony with the sunken cushions; it was as if he’d never left. Home was good. Home wasn’t going to bite him on the ass and make him feel like jumping off the fucking balcony or something equally idiotic.

“No. I’m pulling your chain…You‘re still a short arse.” However, Kazou’s brotherly bitching fell on inattentive ears. Ruki was halfway on the road to sleep, the stress of the day finally catching up on him; not to mention the five or six whiskey’s he’d managed to slosh down his gullet.

Hoshi reappeared from the next room, the kitchen, bearing a tray with cups.

“Drink.” She commanded, passing him one of the smallish cups. “You look… well, you look fucked Taka!”

He leant forward to accept the drink and all but downed the refreshing brew in one gulp, “Anything but... that’s the problem!” His downward tone did nothing to ease the tension now obvious in the room. In three years, he’d hardly called, rarely visited and not had much contact of any description with his family.

All three sat in silence for a few more moments, the two older ones absorbing the presence of the blonde in front of them. Kazuo didn’t quite know what to think of his younger brother sometimes. No, make that most of the time. He’d gone off with the Takashima boy to be in this great band, and they’d all thought he’d be back, tail between his legs, within a month. But he hadn’t. It had all worked out for him; for them. Gazette had been born and at the moment seemed to be reigning supreme! Stardom had stolen his cute little brother and returned this bizarre blonde creature who he was more used to seeing on the cover of a magazine than lolling over his sofa.

Ruki sat upright, swinging his legs over the side of the sofa; something was missing. Something was wrong with the picture. “Where’s Mum and Dad?”

“Hiking. They went to walk up the mountain.” Kazuo’s face showed no hint of humour at all. He was, it seemed, deadly serious.

“Oh. I didn’t know…”

“No, because you don’t call or visit. We see more of you on the TV than in person!” Hoshi abruptly clamped her lips together tightly, knowing that her feelings regarding the errant brother-in-law shouldn’t have spilled out quite as easily as that.

Ruki decided to not try to defend himself against that comment. She was right, he had neglected them. If ever he’d thought that family was supremely important, he’d sure as hell forgotten it quickly. But now, in true superstar fashion, he just wanted to be left alone, so standing up and stretching he asked, “Is my room still my room?”

“Yeah… you'll need some fresh linen but you know where that is...” Kazuo watched him leave with a shake of his head. The brother who went off to be a rock star, back home under suspicious circumstances. He hadn’t even said why he was here. He hadn’t said if the police were after him. Or worse still, PS Company’s lawyers… They respected his privacy though, and family was after all, family.

“We’ll ask him in the morning…” Hoshi voiced her husbands thoughts perfectly as the soft thud of what could only be a body falling onto a bed was heard from down the hallway.

The morning brought with it the smell of food. Ruki had been awake for an eternity, going through his possessions that had happily been abandoned in favour of the bright and shiny lights of Tokyo. DVDs and books, some of which he was ashamed to have liked. CDs - demos from more local bands than he could remember the names of, most of them having drifted into obscurity now. And then he happened upon some old journals, the last one having been written in right up to the moment he departed for the Big Smoke. Hmmm... Smoke, now that was a good idea.

Sliding open the low window, Ruki propped himself up against the wall and lit a cigarette. There was no-one to deceive here - they didn’t know he’d “quit”, smoking was more than acceptable. He flicked randomly though the pages, reading some of his own thoughts, mainly regarding the band… lives in seedy clubs, dragging equipment onto busses and trains. All good stuff!

He turned the page and a photograph slipped out onto the floor. Knocking the ash from his cigarette, Ruki leant down to pick the thing up from the floor. He remembered the picture in a heartbeat. Although, looking at it now, he couldn’t remember who had taken it; not that he would as he had been asleep at the time.

They had been coming back from a particularly energetic live, five guys crowded around a table meant for four. Ruki, always the smallest, squashed into the corner with Reita next to him. The bassist had fallen asleep, the motion of the train gently rocking him against Ruki so much so that in the end he had given up fighting it and lay his head against the other’s shoulder. And Ruki had wrapped that lucky arm around him and claimed his first proper embrace; realising, as he himself let sleep overtake conscious thought, that when he thought of Reita, he didn’t use the word “friend” anymore. And someone had taken a picture of them snuggled up together, and here it was.

“Taka-chan! Breakfast!”

Hoshi’s call shook him out of the sullen remembrance that he’d slipped into. The hand that loosely held the photograph was shaking, trembling against the paper. Probably the nicotine. Not that he’d loved Reita or anything back then. No sir.

And then it suddenly dawned upon him, the reason why all of this was eating him alive from the inside out. He hadn't realised it before, he'd been too caught up with hiding his feelings that he had miraculousy hidden them from himself too. A choked growl tumbled from his throat, “Fucking hell… I do fucking love him.” He looked up, catching his reflection in the mirror, “That’s just fucking perfect…”

“Hey! Stop talking to yourself and give me a hand with this!” Hoshi knocked on the door just to make sure he was well aware that she was there and had made him breakfast. “Taka? Can I come in? Are you decent?”

“I’m not naked if that’s what you mean.” He threw the cigarette into a nearby bush, folded the picture of the sleepers and stowed it in his jacket which hung on the chair.

In she came, bearing breakfast on a tray which was set down on the corner of Ruki’s old desk, covering some of the pictures he’d carved into it in his teenage years with a compass point or in later times, a knife. She smoothed the unmade sheets over and sat down on the edge of the bed.

“So, Ruki…”

“Don’t call me that…”

A laugh, “Sorry, thought you liked it! So, are you going to tell me what’s going on? Last thing we heard was that you were in the middle of an album release, now you turn up here looking like you had a fight with Edward Scissorhands.” Her comment was directed both at his hair and his face.

“It’s nothing… I needed some time away.” His usual easy lying style didn’t seem to convince her though, Hoshi was silent for a moment before remarking:

“You’re lying.” More silence on both parties behalf. Neither felt awkward, there was no tension in this silence, just a questioning look that remained on her face. “Eat some breakfast and I’ll clean you up…” She gestured at bruised eye which had begun to change to an unpleasant shade of purple. “Whatever this “nothing” is, it certainly caught you a good one!” She got up and was at the doorway, handle in hand when she turned back to him. “This nothing… has it got a name?”

He nodded slowly.

“And would I be on the right track if I thought this nothing had something to do with those pictures of you in that magazine?”

Ruki slapped his palm over his eyes and dragged the hand down his face, not making a very successful attempt at hiding his shame. He had conveniently forgotten that magazines were quite readily available in Yokohama too. “Yes,” a sigh, “Something like that…”

Hoshi nodded knowingly but smiled with it. “It’s him isn’t it? Did he… hurt you for what you did at the live?”

He took a step towards the breakfast that had been presented for him. Toast and coffee. Perfect. He pulled the slice of toast apart into more manageable pieces and began to chew on one of them. The bread was wonderfully fresh and warm, the spread on it sweet and pink - some kind of fruit jelly perhaps? “Hurt me? Yeah, you could say that.” He took a mouthful of the coffee and looked up at her. He’d always been close to her, more like a blood sister rather than a marriage related one. She would understand, he was sure of it; so much so that he wouldn’t even have to tell her straight out - she’d just know.

“But he didn’t do this…” Slowly peeling the bandage off his eyebrow, Ruki winced slightly as the sticky plaster had found one of the few eyebrow hairs he kept and had decided to attach itself there.

“Oh. I see.” She opened the door, “Stay as long as you need to Taka-chan.” And with that she left him with his toast and his coffee and his cigarettes and his black eye and his broken heart.

Later… All cleaned up, wounds dressed, breakfast eaten, Ruki had the TV on and was just about ready to install himself on the sofa in front of it with a pad and pens to doodle and do vast amounts of nothing all day. Kazuo had long since left for work and now Hoshi was readying herself too. She walked over to the TV and switched it off, pressing her finger to his lips before he could complain.

“You’re coming to work with me. I can’t have you stop here for a second longer looking like that, what would your fans say? Get dressed.” Her tone was most certainly not one to be argued with; Ruki had found this out many times before and did as instructed; autopilot standing him up and moving him away from the TV. Not that, at that precise moment, he had a single thought for fans or bands or record labels… The latter of which really could do with a phone call. He picked up his phone, dislodged himself from the sofa and wandered back to his room.

Business as Usual 7

Sun, 25 Nov 2007 19:24:51 GMT

Chapter 7

The door rattled on it’s hinges, once from Ruki slamming it shut and once from his boot connecting with the wood. The drive home had been more than eventful; he’d managed to cram a whole year’s worth of road rage into one twenty minute journey. Everyone was in his way, no one was going quite fast enough for his liking.

He’d left the PSC building and, after kicking a nice dent into the door of Kai’s car, had sped off towards his home. He’d smoked non-stop all the way, his window wound right down for the whole world to see. And now he was here, what was he going to do? The enormity of the apparent situation suddenly dawned on him. No more Gazette.

Complete rubbish. He knew that Kai could be a manipulative bastard and knew damn well that he would string a pack of lies together to tell to their management team. Some shit about musical differences or something equally lame. But he also knew that there were legal implications in all of this, it wouldn’t be long before they called him to find out the truth. Within an hour or so of him not showing to the next scheduled practice or meeting, they’d be on the phone. He’d be back…

But one thing could possibly keep him away. The ache in his chest where his heart had once been, where now there was only a bloody void, made him happy to not have to see anyone at PSC for a while. He threw his car keys onto the table and walked through to the kitchen. Taking the bottle of Scotch from it’s cupboard home, he married it with a glass and poured himself a drink. Leaning back against the refrigerator his eyes came to rest upon the notice board next to the door. It was where he pinned all of the Polaroid photo’s that he swiped from various photoshoots that they had done. One in particular caught his attention, this one from a shoot around the time of “Reila”.

It was just the two of them, him and Reita; the bassist’s arm was round his shoulders and they were both smiling like mad idiots. Someone had drawn little devil horns on their heads with bright pink magic marker. Their stupid grins a stark contrast to the emotive air of the video they were promoting. He remembered, he’d planted a big wet lipstick-covered kiss on the bassist’s cheek just after that and had been told in no uncertain terms by the cosmetic assistant to not do that any more, thank you as she then had to clean him up.

He pulled the picture down and threw it in the waste bin. The bed sheets from the night before were already there and now Reita’s picture sat atop them as a mocking reminder of why he’d done what he had done. To be close to Reita, to realise all of his pointless daydreams and moreover, the hot and needy dream dreams that woke him sometimes, glistening with sweat and trembling against the tangled sheets.

And all this time, and probably even back then Reita had felt something similar and they’d kept it from each other. Lying to each other every day, so successful and accomplished were they that neither had realised the truth. And now, it would seem that Reita was quite happy to continue his side of the lie.

“I’m sorry Taka… I can’t Taka…” Ruki spoke for the first time since he’d shouted at Kai, his voice dry and mocking in the growing dark of his apartment. He drained the glass and poured another sloppily measured amount out to replace it. “Well fuck you!” He downed the whisky and poured another. Holding the glass up in a vacant toast for whoever cared to join in. “Here’s to Reita! The best fucking liar I have ever known!” He knocked the caramel liquid back in one gulp and poured another. “Fuck you Akira… Fuck you…fuck you…”

The glass smashed against the wall, it’s shattered fragments sprinkled over the floor and disappearing into the gloom. Slowly Ruki slid downwards to the floor, his back pressed against the cabinet behind him. And then, and only then, once he was safely hidden from all view, huddled in the corner of the kitchen, he hugged his arms around his knees and let the salty sting of long repressed tears slide silently down his cheeks.

After what seemed like an eternity, the emotion completely drained from him, he stood up and threw the half empty whisky bottle in the bin. Drinking wasn’t the answer, it would solve nothing and just give him a headache. Wiping his face with his sleeve, newfound resolve spurring him on, he opened the draw that was home to various kitchen utensils and took out his quarry. Scissors. Ruki and the scissors took themselves into the bathroom and there they set to work. Snip... snip...

“Son of a bitch. Look at my fucking car!” Reita did just as Kai’s angry shout had requested. The drivers’ side door was completely caved in, a smudge of a boot print sitting resplendent in the centre like a bullseye winking it’s mockery at Kai. “Fucking gay bastard. He’s fucking lucky I don’t go round there this instant and beat some sense into him… I mean - what‘s he thinking? First you, then that slut in the bar, then you again… It doesn‘t fucking touch on rationality.”

“I think you’re over-reacting; he‘s still him after all; the same as he was last week, last month, last year. I don‘t think he woke up this morning and suddenly thought “Hmm, I think I‘ll fancy men from now on”. Live with it.” Reita shoved his hands in his pockets and joined Kai in looking at the battered door. Ruki had really made a mess of the bodywork. There was no doubt about it, Ruki was pissed off.

Kai bent down, glaring at the scratches that accompanied the impression in his door. It was going to hurt his wallet to get it fixed; cost and trouble that he certainly could do without.

“You seem awfully calm about the whole situation.” He stood again and turned to face the bassist. “Tell me, Aki, just how does one find themselves in that sort of predicament? I mean,” he took a step towards Reita who would have taken one back if the side of his truck hadn’t stopped him. “It didn’t look as if he was forcing you… And you didn’t exactly look as if you were fighting him off… Reita?” He took yet another, almost menacing step towards Reita who desperately tried to melt into the smooth metal side of his truck. “Something you want to tell me?”

What, I think you’re a complete homophobic wanker who should lighten up a bit and remove their head from their fucking arse?? “No… I.. I just think you’ve lost perspective a bit…” He desperately looked for an escape route but none seemed to present itself just at that time. That only meant one thing - he would have to talk to Kai. “He is a great singer, an excellent front man and an asset to Gazette; and more than that, he’s our friend. What does it matter where his sexual preferences lie or what he does outside of the band?”

“It matters,” Kai’s steely glare fixed itself on Reita, “Because it causes distractions. First it’s nothing, just easy comments. A glance held just that moment too long, a friendly hug that lingers in your thoughts all day. And before you know it, you find yourself thinking about what he does when he leaves work. Who is he meeting? What is he doing when he’s alone?” Kai’s hand found a convenient resting place on the side of Reita’s truck. Leaning towards the bassist, his voice became hushed. Touching on a whisper. “What if he’s watching TV one night and one of Gazette‘s videos comes on? Shiro and Kouyou fucking with the camera shamelessly. An open shirt or bare thigh on display for all to see? And you, what if he‘s lying there in front of the TV and is watching you on the screen? He closes his eyes and slips his hand down his shorts, already turned on by those shameless camera whores. And what if he starts touching himself through the cotton? Doing what we all do I guess, but whispering your name whilst he does it? What then?” His hand shifting against Reita’s shoulder, sliding around to the back of his neck; this caress causing nothing like the similar touches from Ruki earlier. Kai held his stare for a second or two longer, strangely his face remained dangerously close to Reita’s. Close enough that he could feel Kai’s breath warm against his ear and as he turned and pulled open his battered car door he smiled and shook his head, as if he’d just thought of something and dismissed it without saying.

For some reason, Reita’s throat was exceedingly dry. He couldn’t form the words necessary to respond to Kai’s question because he really did want to imagine that Ruki did those things in his private time. Because he himself had been known to take a magazine to bed with him on one occasion or another; and they weren’t top shelf material either… more of the Fools Mate variety in truth.

“I shouldn’t have kissed him…”

“What?” Kai paused, the door open and him just about to climb inside. He wasn’t quite sure what he’d just heard the bassist say.

“I meant, he shouldn’t have kissed me.”

“You’re damn right he shouldn’t. And whether you let him or not, it’s not going to happen. Not if I’ve got anything to say about it.” And with that he pulled the door shut and reversed out of the space, leaving Reita to watch his brake lights dim and disappear around the curve in the road and then climb into his own transport.

Reita wanted nothing more than to drive the short distance to Ruki’s home and somehow make it up to him. In the space of two days, he’d admitted things that had previously been stowed away from everyday life, done things that before he could only dream about and now, just one snide look from Kai had made him deny it all again. Ruki would, undoubtedly, hate him forever after this. He sat in his truck, toying with his phone. The name was there in the recent calls list, Takarukinori, the original entry having been made by the man himself, thinking it quite cryptic to muddle the names.

He pushed the little green phone symbol and waited. The phone seemed to ring forever… Reita’s heart thumped furiously in his chest, twice as fast as the connecting tones. He didn’t want Ruki to answer almost as much as he wanted him to. The line hung up automatically; no answer. Reita popped the phone in it’s hands free cradle and started the truck, backing out of the parking space and pulling out onto the road. PSC Towers was on a fairly quiet side street but it wasn’t long before he was in the thick of the traffic; and going nowhere.

Pushing the recall button, he tried to contact the singer one more time. Answer or not, he was going over to Ruki’s house. Things needed to be said.

Ruki looked at the phone. It was ringing. It was ringing. It was ringing. It’s stopped. He sighed and ran his fingers through what remained of his blonde hair, the remnants coming away in his fingers. PSC had wanted him to grow it longer. Ruki hadn’t really wanted to. PSC had won. Ruki had countered.
He only packed the necessities, where he was going he wouldn’t need makeup or hairspray. Just a few pairs of black jeans, Tshirts to accompany them, socks, shorts. Usual stuff. He threw a pair of trainers in the top and closed the bag.

The phone was ringing again now. It was the betrayer of feelings; the master overlord of being a complete cunt.

“What do you want Reita?” He made no effort to conceal the anger in his voice, any previous feelings that he had harboured were well on the back burner now. Reita was a cock. Whatever he was, gay, bisexual, Ruki didn’t much care. He was ashamed of his feelings for Ruki, didn’t stand up for him and let the fucking drummer get the upper hand. Not to mention not beating the living crap out of Kai for hitting him. His fingers brushed against the dressing he’d stuck over the cut; it would be sorted out properly soon enough.

“We need to talk. I’m coming over.” Reita tried changing lanes. He was sure the one on the right was moving quicker.

“Fine. Come over. I won’t be here.” Ruki pulled his BayStars baseball cap on and slung the bag over his shoulder. He picked up the black rubbish bag and carried it to the front door with him. But then, a beautifully malicious thought came to him and he turned and headed back to the bathroom.

“What do you mean you won’t be there? Where are you going?” Reita took a left at the next lights and down onto the slip road that took him on the expressway. The Tower was brightly lit up as always on his left as he headed the short distance down the packed six lanes that would bring him to Ruki’s exit. His toe edged down a little more on the pedal, the speedo creeping up to 50 and then going over.

“None of your damn business. You fucking lied to me you bastard…” Ruki hadn’t wrote in lipstick before but it wasn’t all that hard. He made the appropriate characters and folded the paper in half. “You lead me on and made me fucking think that there could be something there for us. So fuck you… and fuck Yutaka. He can pedal his lies to PSC but he can’t keep me away for ever. I’ll speak to them.” He pushed the burning end of the cigarette through the note he’d written, making damn sure it looked like nothing other than what it was and dumped the bag outside his door. Which he closed and locked. Tucking the note in the top of the bag he shouldered his backpack and walked quickly down the hall. He could tell Reita was driving and he didn’t want to meet him. Time was drawing on and he didn’t want to miss his train, Tokyo - 21.06 and it would deposit him in his destination just under twenty minutes later. Not that he was expected where he was ultimately going.

“Please don’t leave… I need to see you. Fucking traffic!” The red haze of brake lights lit up the road in front of him and progress slowed to a crawl. “Ruki… please…”

“Oh! You want me now, don’t you? Bit late for that, don’t you think?” He pushed the front door of the apartment building open, taking a right and then another right to the flight of steps that would introduce him to the wonderful world of the Tokyo underground. “You should have fucking thought of that earlier tonight.” Pushing coins into the machine, it spat his ticket out without so much as a thank you. The screen that bore the platform he was headed for announced that the next train was approaching. “Look. Akira. I’ve got to go.” The approaching train pushed a fair amount of wind in front of it, the breeze was warm - just like the platform was. Warm and stuffy.

“Ruki wait! I’m sorry OK? I should grow some balls I know, please….” The noise of the train pulling out of the tunnel cut him off, Ruki never heard the last three words. “I need you…”

Ruki glared at nothing, “I can’t hear you, the train… I‘ve got nothing more to say to you, just… goodbye.” He scooted through the doors just as they closed behind him, the automatic hiss near to his head. The train was full but quiet. No talking as such, and he joined the masses. Switching his phone to mp3, Ruki plugged the smallest pair of headphones into it and closed his eyes. Thankful that he had something other than Gazette to listen to for once.

“Dammit! Taka! Are you still there?” Reita’s fist banged against the middle of the steering wheel, his frustrations made vocal by the horn that sounded. “Taka! Fucking hell!” Redial did no good. Ruki’s phone was switched off and now only went straight to voicemail. Reita banged his hands against the steering wheel once more, sheer frustration taking over. Traffic moving painfully slowly, it took a further ten minutes to reach the exit nearest Ruki’s small corner of the massive city. And then a few more for him to drive round to Ruki’s building and park his car in the garage; praising the security tag Ruki had given him because in general, parking in the city was a bitch. The Matsumoto-mobile was still there. He hadn’t driven. That could only mean he’d been drinking. That wasn’t good.

There was a black bag outside Ruki’s door. On closer inspection, Reita saw his name scrawled upon a “card”. It was dark red and greasy, a familiar colour of familiar lips that he’d had the pleasure of tasting for a moment. The card, upon opening, said:

This is what you’ve brought me to. Are you proud?

The contents were nothing but shocking to him. An obvious diorama of Ruki’s past few days; days in which he’d been braver than Reita could ever be. He’d confessed his sexuality and intentions not knowing if it was going to be reciprocated or shunned. Bed sheets and a photo of the two of them together, soaked in whisky that was leaking from an open bottle all of it covered in thick clumps of blonde hair.

His head banged hard against the door, "What have I done?" Blonde hair slipping through his fingers.

The doors of the train slid open for the second time that night, the first having been deep in the belly of Shinjuku station and now, in an altogether different place. Yes, it was still a city. Yes, it was still busy. But this place was different. From the huge billboard at the station exit that bore the same logo as his cap to the newspapers on the stand as he left. Kanagawa prefecture; this was Yokohama. This was home.

Business as Usual 6

Sun, 25 Nov 2007 19:24:05 GMT

Click… The door locked with the satisfying metallic sound of privacy. No one was coming back into the practice room; not tonight at least. He turned to the bassist who still sitting on his stool. His hair was fluttering softly from a gentle breeze; framing his face in a halo of brown and blonde. Reita looked up, his dark hazel eyes hosted a tiny spark dancing in their centre. Ruki had never noticed what long eyelashes he had before and how perfectly the dark line of a brow framed his features. Now that Reita had kissed him, now that their lips had met in a fusion of passion and honesty, he was seeing him in a whole new light.

He took a step towards Reita and held out his hand. Reita in turn gave his strong fingers to Ruki and wrapped them around his wrist. Standing in silence the moment increasing in anticipation, their bodies aching to finally touch again, Ruki lead him over to the sofa and let him recline against the cushions. Reita stretched his arms above his head and let his hands rest over the edge of the sofa. The skin over his triceps was smooth and pale, softening the toned muscle underneath and inviting Ruki to caress his fingers across it’s surface.

Reita looked up at him through those thick, heavy lashes, his lips parting as he spoke.

But it was Kai‘s voice that he heard, not Reita‘s. “Hey! Girlpants! I said that’s it, we’re done!”

“Huh?” Ruki blinked. Once and then again.

“Are you alright? You were miles away…” Uruha snapped his guitar case closed and looked up at the singer. Kai’s “motivational talk” about how important the band was and how lucky they all were to be involved with Gazette; about how nothing should stand in the way of their success and how commitment of one hundred and ten percent was expected from everyone throughout the Carnival Tour and the NIL release afterwards… well it had fallen on the very deaf ears which it was aimed at. Ruki hadn’t heard a word. He was lost in dream land with a windswept Reita…

“Yeah… I’m good. So, are we finished then?”

Kai nodded. “Yes. For today at least. And I for one am looking forward to going home. See you tomorrow guys.” He left.

And then there was four.

“What’s everyone doing tonight then?” Aoi closed his own guitar case and lay it against Uruha’s. “Ruki? Going to look for some more cosplayers to seduce?” He pulled his jacket from the back of his stool and hung it over his shoulder. “I might come with you… I could find an “Aoi” girl… Shit… imagine that… fucking yourself. Sweet.”

“You do that most of the time anyway though, right?” Reita’s smirking sarcasm silenced Aoi immediately. He didn’t even try to defend himself.

“Hey,” said Uruha, “Even better idea. The whole fan base seems convinced I’m sleeping with you… how about I get “Aoi” and you find “Uruha"? That would be worth a couple of photos don’t you think?”

“What makes you think I’d want to have sex with you anyway?” Aoi opened the door to let Uruha through in front of him.

The muffled reply from the other side of the door brought a smile to Ruki’s face.

“‘Cos I’m fucking gorgeous, you silly boy!”

And then there were two.

He checked to make sure that there were no fans on; no subtle and mysterious breezes. None of those. Good. Now, what the fuck was he supposed to say to Reita? What indeed? Slumping back against the sofa, the same sofa from his daydream, he watched Reita crouching down over his guitar case. Surely it was easier when he just had his conscience to deal with? Now there was the whole problem of another person’s feelings to consider. And really, he had little idea of just how Reita felt. Ok, he had kissed him but it wasn’t an earth shattering, tongue hockey marathon; he’d said that Ruki turned him on… Yes, that was a nice thought. It returned the smile to his face, to think that he’d stood on one side of the bathroom door wanting Reita whilst Reita himself stood the other side wanting Ruki.

“So…” Ruki’s idea was that hopefully this would lead them into a meaningful conversation and perhaps even result in a solution of some description.

“So back…” Not a good start; even though he knew damn well that Reita wasn’t going to spill his innermost feelings on the table and confess his undying love…it would have been nice if he had said something more than “so back”…

“What happens now then? Us?” Reita stepped back to join him on the sofa. Just this time he wasn’t lying back and offering his body. He was leaning forward, his elbows resting on his knees holding his head in his hands.

“I don’t know; I don’t think there can be an “us”, as much as I want it; want you…” Reluctantly his head tilted to one side, bringing the singer into perfect focus. “Please, don’t look at me like that.” Reita could feel the weight of the stare even before he saw it. He didn’t want to look at Ruki. He didn’t want to look deep into those eyes and lose sight of himself. But he found that he couldn’t keep his gaze away and all he could see was himself reflected in the brilliant dark brown.

This was all very new and different for him. Ruki may have felt this way for a good long time but for him, for Reita, these feelings were very foreign. It was a forest of not knowing and he was certainly hiding in the trees. On one hand, Reita wanted nothing more than to hide away from his feelings and ignore them; forget about stupid sexy Ruki and be normal. But, every time he tried to crawl back under the security blanket known as denial and push aside Ruki related thoughts, he found he was never alone… as much as he tried, nothing would stop a dreamlike vision of blonde from appearing at the foot of the bed and whispering dirty secrets in his ear.

“Aki…” Reita’s face, once again, like the missing piece of a puzzle was a perfect fit in the palm of his hand. Only this time there was nothing coming between them. This kiss wasn’t in front of thousands; this kiss wasn’t awkward or clumsy. This was Ruki doing what he’d thought of every day for so, so long; they could talk for all the hours in the world, and it would solve nothing.

Hesitation, for a second only. His hand drew across Reita’s face and settled against his neck, palm flat against the quickening heart beat, he could feel his pulse racing as he closed the small distance between their faces. Their lips brushed together in the briefest of connection until Ruki’s courage bubbled up and finally over flowed. He slid the tip of his tongue across Reita’s closed lips but pulled away; making eye contact again for an instant. He wanted this so much. He wanted finally to stop imagining and just feel. It wouldn’t be held back for any longer, he couldn’t stop now even if he’d wanted to. But he needed to know it wasn’t one-sided; he had to know Reita wanted it too.

Reita’s response was perfect. A kiss became THE kiss. Their first real kiss. And all Ruki could really think was… He tastes fucking amazing. Reita kissed him back with undeniable passion, the moment and the men sinking deeper into each other. Nothing could beat this. Ever. In danger of losing sight of themselves and their surroundings, completely ignorant of anything other than each other; finally Reita gave up his resolve.

He pulled Ruki down with him, their kiss unbroken, too many times had he seen this tongue pass over those lips to want to give them up easily. He wanted to give in, just as Ruki did. It was too hard to hide this, and too easy to let go; too easy to yield to soft caresses and…

A choked sigh escaped Reita’s throat as Ruki’s free hand slid up under the front of his Tshirt, not touching him anywhere in particular, but just touching was enough to force unnecessary arousal upon him. In all his daydreams, and there had been many, he’d never actually thought about what it would be like to have sex with another man. Young male bodies weren’t meant to be naked and hot and pressed together, but the longer Ruki’s fingers traced lines upon his stomach and the more he pushed his tongue past his friend’s lips, Reita knew that he wanted to find out. Ruki’s denim clad thigh was right by his crotch and without really thinking what he was doing, Reita rocked his hips slightly, feeling the pressure of another against his erection.

Inwardly, Ruki was alive again. The memories of the god awful night before had vanished the moment he touched Reita’s face. He didn’t know how far this was going to go, but he knew that when he felt Reita rub against his leg, he had to touch him. No question about it. He slid his hand out from under material and pressed his palm tentatively against the hard warmth there. Reita’s eye lids fluttered ever so slightly and he pushed himself back against Ruki’s hand without hesitation.

No going back now…

Kai was halfway home before he realised he’d left his mobile phone at work. He was in two minds as to whether to go back and pick it up or just leave it for the morning. He didn’t need it really, but on the other hand, he didn’t like the thought of it being left at the practice room.

It was quickening upon dusk by the time he returned to the car park at PSC. The building was reasonably quiet and the car park was practically empty. But not quite.

“What are they still doing here?” Pocketing his keys he tried to think of a good reason why both Ruki’s car (at the far end of the carpark) and Reita’s truck (at this end and hence next to where Kai left his vehicle) were parked just where they had been when he’d left over an hour earlier. There was no reason for either Ruki or Reita to be here later than usual. No good reason whatsoever. He quickened his pace somewhat.

Unreasonable anger began to build deep within Kai before he even knew for sure what was going on; if anything. He flew up the steps two at a time, not waiting for the elevator. There was no time for that. The corridor passed in a moment, door after door until he stopped outside their door. The Gazette suite. Practice room and lounge. The picture Ruki had drawn still tacked to the door saying in no uncertain terms that herein you would find “Anarchy Rock and Roll Fuckers”. His hand faltered on the handle… Did he really want to see this?

He burst into the lounge and looked it over, expecting the worst possible. No-one there. The laptop was still switched on, it’s fan humming merrily on the table. Reita had been the last to use it and had “updated” his OHP corner. He’d written one sentence. Kai rolled his eyes, forgetting for the moment that he was pissed off with them but did the necessary to turn the computer off and closed the lid. After a moment, the whirring of the fan ceased; and he saw his mobile phone next to the coffee machine just where he’d left it. Suddenly, his anger seemed very irrational.

They must have gone drinking or something… Was his initial thought… Left their cars here… Yeah, that must have been it! He pushed the light switch down as he left - but the little tiny window in the practice room door was still lit up.

“Fucking hell. Who left the lights on?” He sighed and wandered over to the doorway, meaning to reach around inside and switch the light off.

As he opened the door, his eye was drawn straight to the two men sitting.. Not next to each other, in a friendly manner having a chat about lyrics or new songs; no. The Singer, leaning over The Bassist. His hand was nowhere it had any right to be; and he certainly shouldn’t have been kissing him at all!

“What’s going on? Just what in the fuck are you doing?!”

Reita jumped up off the sofa, the shock of being caught enough to jolt him back into the reality that was: I will not tolerate homosexual behaviour in this band…

“Yutaka! Kai… This isn’t what it looks like!” Judas! He was a damn liar and he knew it. It was exactly what it looked like; exactly what he had wanted. He glanced back at Ruki, a slightly puzzled but definite snarl touching the edges of his lips. Lips, Reita imagined, that were still tingling from contact with his own. He didn't look too pleased at being interrupted and then cast aside so easily.

Silence.

Silence itself can mean so many different things to different people. This was the silence of ambiguity, time for Kai to collect his thoughts and assess the situation. Time for Reita to think about what exactly he was doing and the pain he was about to cause. And time for Ruki to prepare himself to lose it all in one swoop.

“That’s it Matsumoto.” Kai’s voice was soft yet emotionless. “Get your things and go. We warned you… fuck did we warn you. I said…” Kai pulled the singer up off the sofa. “I fucking hate people like you. It’s disgusting and not fucking right! You’ve had your last chance… and now, you’re gone. Have some fucking honour and just leave quietly…” Kai was subdued. He’d forgotten his anger of before, disappointment and a deep sense of regret were all he had for the moment. Gazette would fall apart without a “Ruki”. His image was as pivotal to their identity as Reita’s forgotten nose and Uruha’s thighs. But he couldn't let the singer get away with it. What would people say if they found out that the singer of Gazette liked men?

“Don’t do this…please.” Ruki pulled his arm free of Kai’s grip, taking Reita’s hand in his. Reita’s fingers remained motionless. “We’ll keep it hidden and secret. No one need know - not even the others!”

He looked to Reita for reassurance that this was the right thing to do, after all, they had both admitted to each other that feelings other than friendship had come into play. “Aki?” He got nothing, his grip loosened a little and Reita’s hand fell from his fingers.

Reita said not a word. He couldn’t speak, he couldn’t even look at Ruki. He stood in silence, head bowed, avoiding eye contact at all costs. “I’m sorry Taka…I can‘t…” was his only mumbled response.

In the silence, you would have been forgiven for thinking that you could actually hear Ruki’s heart breaking. Reita’s mumbled response sidled through his ribs like a cold knife and sliced what warmth was there in two; a jagged tear that would never really heal, neither from time nor patience. Ruki was out of breath, no further reason for him to gasp for air was apparent at that moment. In slowmotion, he lost the band and the man he cared about more than anything Matsumoto Takanori had ever cared about ever in his life. And then he suffered a sudden realisation…

“You can’t kick me out! It’s not your band… you’re not really in charge, and you know it!” Fuck you, leader-sama.

The dull thud came from the punch Kai delivered to Ruki’s temple and it was sound and true. It knocked Ruki back against the glass partition and left him in a dazed blur, his head swimming but he fought to stop the floor from rushing up to meet him. He wasn’t giving the other the satisfaction of knocking him cold. Blood began to trickle slowly down around his eye; Kai still wore a ring on one finger. He wiped the back of his hand across his brow, smearing the claret, stark red against pale skin.

Kai grabbed him once again, by the jacket this time and pulled him close. “I won’t kick you out, you’ll leave. Get the fuck out of my sight you sick bastard.” He delivered the comment and spat in Ruki’s face.

And still, Reita watched it all in silence.